I Made A Mistake!
by klcm
Summary: Garcia's back and needing help. No one expects her to turn up in this way though *strong use of domestic abuse within*
1. Just A Little Too Late

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Right, Funhouse (for those that are reading) is a slow process, it's getting there and it's planned, but the muse isn't playing! _

_Down to business with this... __**MAJOR**__ Garcia hurt alert! Just getting it across here..._

_No updates Thursday, at all, this is a heads up in case I forget... I'm seeing Jason Derulo live so I'll be out all day! =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

The moment she felt herself fall to the floor she knew again, that she'd made the biggest mistake of her entire life. She'd gone with the path, and with it taken the wrong man. She curled up to protect herself and when more blows came and then she was left alone.

Kevin staggered off.

He slammed the door behind him.

Penelope lay recovering before she stood up warily, her sides screaming in pain but she made herself near enough run to their bedroom and grabbed the partially packed bag and finished packing.

She was scared he'd come back, so she finished quickly and fled the house. She didn't take her car; she knew he'd know then that she was gone.

Shakily, she walked for a bit, getting closer to town before getting into a cab. She kept her head down as she handed an address over and waited for the ride to be over with.

All the time she felt the new and old wounds collided, wreaking havoc on her more and more. Feeling the last of her strength collapse and disperse from her body. Feeling her need for someone to care for her, not hurt her, taking precedence once again.

When she climbed out of the cab, she looked at the house, scared he'd moved, but as she saw his bike, the nerves disbanded. She hadn't spoken to him in months and she was terrified, but she was more petrified to be at home than here.

She geared herself to the door. Ready for rejection. Ready for hatred. She'd prepared herself for this, readied for the onslaught of his anger.

There was football on, she could hear it; just see it through the window. She rang the bell and waited. The last beating taking full effect now; weakening her even more.

The door opened and the pair locked eye contact.

Derek looked at Penelope. She still looked as flawless as ever. Except now, her hair was cut short in a bob and dark brown, almost verging on black, her skin seemed so much paler, her weight plummeted but he knew full well it was definitely her.

"What can I do for you?" He asked her horridly cold and she faltered. Hearing his voice, the sense of safety ploughed through her.

"I made a mistake." Penelope sobbed at him immediately, his harsh tone cut right through her. His glare finished her; Derek broke her after months of keeping up the same facade. She realised, after seeing his look, after seeing him that he was who she should've stuck with. Now she had to face the consequences alone.

Derek didn't know what to do. He didn't want to hold her for her to leave him again. He didn't want to hold her because she'd been near enough nonexistent to him since the day she got married and he didn't want to forgive her so easily.

Just then a SUV drove up on the curb and Kevin launched out of the car angrily. He stalked towards the newly reunited pair.

Penelope turned to him, sheer shock and horror mounting. Her body began to shake. Her eyes widened, her fear began to get the better of her. She began to feel submissive again.

"Honey, why'd you leave?" He asked, kindly and concerned. The voice didn't match the man anymore in Penelope's eyes.

Derek then looked down to see Penelope had a large duffle bag. He took in Kevin's behaviour, he was most certainly drunk. Something was wrong here.

"Let's go Penny." He grabbed Penelope and yanked her off the front porch.

"Hey, Kev, she came round to watch the game. For old times' sakes." Derek tried as he followed them. "Give her one night."

"Unlikely." He said and pushed Penelope hard towards the front of the SUV. "Go on, get in." Penelope responded, she was so much more passive and acquiescent than she'd ever been.

"Come on Kevin, you've had her long enough. I'll return her in one piece." Derek tried as he walked towards the pair of them.

"Not tonight yeah?" He said and got into the SUV and drove off hastily.

Derek watched, his heart throbbing. He went back to his house, his head pounding with a feeling a dread, and he realised that Penelope had left her bag. He took it inside, and opened it in hope he'd find anything that would help.

He found a letter in there, he's name printed and grabbed it.

_Dear Derek, _

_I am so sorry for how my life turned out. How I left, how I disappeared. I regret my life. _

_There are day's I wake up and wish that one day Kevin's hits will just do something severe and end it all. Today, as I write this, it's one of those days. _

_I'm going to give it one more try to leave. I need to get away from him. I need to be back with you. If you'll have me. If I fail at leaving him this time, I will never be free, unless I, or he, end it. I'm stuck in that house 24/7, he goes to work, he comes home and it starts again. _

_If you're reading this, it's because my last attempt failed. _

_Please believe that I never meant to hurt you. I just chose the safer, easier route. One that wouldn't lead me into heartbreak. I now know that I chose wrong. I was safer with you. You'd never do any of this to me. I hope that in time you can forgive me. I hope one day you will be able to answer my calls without using the tone of voice that shows me you're still angry and hate me. _

_I hope one day to be free and happy. I don't hold much hope anymore._

_I pray you find a woman and treat her with respect and love her, every inch of her, properly. _

_I will always love you. I'm sorry I didn't try to show you._

_Penelope Garcia. _

Derek's hands shook as he read it; the page was scrunched slightly and tears stained it. It sounded more like Penelope's death warrant was signed, rather than her repenting for ever dropping out of their lives. His especially.

Derek didn't care about the time, he called Hotch.

"Hotchner?" The answer came sleepily.

"Hotch, man, we have a problem."

"What is it?" He asked bolting up; he could hear the urgency in Derek's voice. He listened to Derek read the letter out.

"She signed it Penelope Garcia. Not Penelope Lynch." Derek finished telling him, his voice becoming more and more desperate.

"How did you get that letter?"

"She was here, Hotch; she was right outside. I need to get round there, Hotch. I need back up. He's drunk and he was showing signs of being abusive." Derek said shakily. "I'm going there, I need to get there."

"I'll meet you there." Hotch said without another word.

Derek locked up, grabbed his keys and went and jumped into his SUV. He kick started the engine and drove manically. He didn't even park properly and he noticed that Hotch didn't either as he parked up moments later.

They climbed out just as Kevin stumbled out of the front door.

"Lynch, put your hands up." They said as they saw the blood on him.

Derek's veins ran cold that moment.

Kevin looked at them and smiled, and then ran around the back. Hotch began a pursuit, urging Derek to get in and find Penelope.

Derek ran in, he stalked the hallway out of habit and went into the living room. He turned towards the kitchen, looking at it through the dining room. He saw Penelope trying to get up, but she fell and hit the tiled flooring hard. He re-holstered his gun as he ran to her, and got next to her, kneeling on the floor.

"I'm sorry for picking." She breathed out painfully at him, her face soaked with the mix of tears and blood. He could see the beating she'd obviously just been given taking full effect. "I- I..." She ended up groaning, turning to get up again, to get away, but she collapsed.

"Baby, I need you to just stay still. I need you to wait for help." He said and realised that he hadn't called for any. Regret flared and he grabbed his phone. "We're going to get you out of here." He told her as she moaned and groaned in pain. The noises getting quieter told him she was slipping.

"I'm sorry." She cried and her back arched with cries and pains. "I gave up. I'm sorry." She pleaded with him painfully. "I just need you to forgive me. I'm sorry, Derek. I'm so sorry." She continued to beg, a hand on his arm, squeezing it with each new solicit.

Derek's heart broke at her pleads. The pain he was slowly getting over, now ran completely free in his body. He was losing her all over again, but this time it seemed it was permanently.

Even as he rang for an ambulance she continued to apologise for ever going with Kevin. She was pleading with each dying, painful breath. She was begging to be freed of her mistakes before it was too late.

Derek grabbed her hand as she coughed and blood made a trickle at the corner of her mouth. Her moans became deeper, more like her soul pouring out.

"I'm sorry." She said, as though Derek hadn't heard her at all, yet he had and she knew he had, but she kept saying it. "I don't know why I left. I'm sorry. I want to be happy again." He wiped her tears away as he sat with her. "Please, help me."

That finished Derek, his own tears spilt then.

Hotch ran in moments later, and Derek's composure was shock into place. Derek saw how was completely empty handed. No handcuffed, beaten Kevin Lynch with him. He took one look at Penelope and got on the other side of her. He went for her top and Penelope lashed out.

"No!" She screamed out weakly, she closed her eyes as the pains exploded through her.

"Penelope..." Derek said to distract her. "Let us do this."

"Please, don't. Anything but that..." She pleaded with him. "I'm sorry, isn't that enough?"

"Trust us on this, Baby Girl. Please." He soothed her, pushing a few strands of hair back out of her face, showing up a deep cut to her eyebrow, one that wasn't there before, as well as the new gash on her forehead.

At hearing that one nickname she calmed, and Hotch managed to get her top up. He gasped; Penelope's skin was nowhere close to how it should've looked. She had cuts and abrasions all over her stomach, it was definitely swollen in area's and he knew they were in for some serious problems once they made it to the hospital. Moving her slightly, he saw that the bruising went around to her back too and he dreaded to think what it looked like down her legs and across her well covered chest.

The realisation struck him then.

Penelope Garcia had gone from their happy go lucky Tech to a domestic abuse victim.

Except, now it seemed they were a little too late to save one of the most important people to them.

Moving her back down, Penelope's breathing became exceedingly tight and she began to cough and gasp, she was struggling to get the air in her lungs, her eyes widened as the battle for oxygen continued, and then it all went black for her, and her breathing completely stopped then and there.

Hotch and Derek began CPR. It was all they could do in that moment to make an attempt to save her.

This time they really fought. Even if they were losing.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _How'd you like that? Chapter Uno, complete! _

_If you like Lynch, ha, then I wouldn't read... He's a dark, dark, dark character... probably the darkest I've ever allowed myself to write him and I'm gonna try and not withhold from the pain... I'm going all out! =P_

_Want more?_


	2. Repercussions Of It All

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Thanks for the reviews! _

_I'm not prepared to give anything away here... you'll just have to read =P_

_Hope you have fun with this! Enjoy!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek rocked back onto his heels, his hands going to his lip in a praying gesture as he cried a little. Penelope was breathing again, but her eyes were barely able to stay open and when she blinked, he panicked that she was slipping again; they stayed shut for too long. He could hear her breathing; it was ragged, and struggled. It was scary, even for him.

Hotch could tell Derek was now distraught. So he proceeded to take his jacket off to cushion Penelope's head, as he lifted it, he heard her groan a little.

"Sorry, Penelope, I just need to elevate your head." He told her, calmly, he was keeping his exterior the extreme opposite of his interior. "Help is coming; you just need to hang on." He said as he towered over her protectively.

"H-Hotch." Penelope whispered, her tone was somewhat desperate; her eyes were still streaming with tears.

Upon hearing her voice, Derek moved back in.

"Keep your strength." Hotch told her, and took her hand. He felt his heart flutter, he missed this woman so much, yet he never wanted her if this was how it was going to happen.

"I-I'm sor-ry." She murmured, her eyes squeezing shut with the pains that thundered through her body. "I-I s-shou-ld have asked for-help."

Hotch looked at Derek, now they both thought back. Kevin was abusing Penelope well before she quit her job from the BAU, long before she even got married to Kevin.

Movement from Penelope made them looked as she weakly put her fingers around her wedding ring and she pulled it off and dropped both hands back down, the metal of the ring bouncing on the tiled flooring, echoing out.

"I-I s-should've trus-sted you." Penelope spoke, and arched her back in an attempt to ease the pain some.

Hotch watched her eyes begin to roll back and he grabbed her hand, and urged Derek to take her other hand. "Penelope, I need you look at me, I need you to keep your attention on me or Derek, please Penelope, that's all I'm asking." He tried, he was losing.

Hotch was scared, as was Derek, that if she closed her eyes again, she'd fall back towards unconsciousness and inevitably never wake. He wanted her to withstand it all, keep her eyes open for him, for Derek, for the unaware others.

"C'mon, Baby Girl." Derek finally spoke up, he sniffled, he couldn't control his emotions any longer. This wasn't right, Penelope shouldn't have been laying here, she shouldn't be hurt, she should be still safe and in love and starting a family.

Not this. Not this hurt. Not this regretful. Not this scared and this desperate.

Penelope's breathing began to race and the pair of men began to feel thankful as the sirens began to get closer. Hotch looked at Derek as the lights began to make patterns across the walls, however much Derek wanted to be here, it was obvious, from the letter, that Penelope went to Derek for a reason. For that matter, Derek wouldn't react competently.

"Derek, go let the EMT's in," Hotch told him, he got no response, "Morgan! Penelope needs help now, go and let the EMT's in!"

Derek listened and wasted no time with getting the EMT's in, he stood back as they sat down and began working and the police officers stormed in after.

"Right, can you tell us what we've got?" One of the EMT's asked, looking directly at Hotch.

"She was beaten up, we found her on the floor, she's having trouble breathing, and she stopped breathing at one point, she's in a lot pain..." Hotch said, feeling like he was rambling most of it. "She's got injuries from post beatings too."

"Domestic abuse?" The other EMT asked regretfully, Hotch nodded sadly and was pushed right away, letting go of Penelope's hand completely. "She's bound to have severe old injuries we need to be careful off." He said as he inspected the cuts to Penelope's head.

The other one cut through Penelope's top, pulling it apart, leaving her mottled skin bare, the only clothing covering her was a dirty bra. From first glance they could see the distorted shape of her stomach, could see the damage of her unaligned ribs, they took in the bruising and healing cuts.

It was something completely unimaginable. Something only movies held.

For Derek and Hotch this type of abuse wasn't the first they'd seen, yet it seemed so much worse. Being personal with the _'victim' _played a role, killed a part of them slowly.

Penelope near enough screamed through the newly placed oxygen mask on her face as her ribs were inspected. She was asked questions, but she couldn't form words, everything was coming out in harsh groans, sharp moans, lack of exhales and tears.

"Who did this?" An officer asked and Hotch stepped next to Derek.

Derek, however, stepped away and grabbed a photo, a happy photo, a lie, and handed it over, "He did. Kevin Lynch."

"And you're sure?"

"I did pursue him, but he got away from me. He had blood on him and he's extremely drunk." Hotch told the officer, he had after all chased Lynch, almost getting him a couple of times. Yet, Lynch being drunk meant his response to pain was lacking, when he had fallen he'd gotten back up again and didn't feel any pain, yet when Hotch fell down, he felt it all.

The officer looked the man over, Hotch just showed his credentials off, if anything, he knew those would get him far at the hospital and he was willing to be vigilant. He was willing to get Penelope back. He, Aaron Hotchner, the man that had a lot of bad luck thrown his way was willing to give up his time to make sure he got something good back.

He still felt he failed Haley; he refused to feel like he had failed Penelope too. Not now. It wasn't too late this time. He wasn't too late to help save her and he certainly wasn't too late to avenge her abuse. He'd get Kevin Lynch like he got George Foyet and he knew he'd enjoy the feeling of utter success of this hunt.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Surprisingly both men were allowed in the back of the ambulance, made to sit opposite sides with an EMT in the middle. They were both presenting signs of shock and, thus, not allowed to drive. Officers were sorting their SUV's out for them, but for now they got to stick with Penelope for as long as possible.

Derek watched Penelope intently, he could see she wasn't really with it; her eyes were blank, just staring at the top of the bus. He caught quick glimpses of her chest rising slowly and jumpily, it was too much a struggle and he wished he could take her away from it.

Take her back to before Battle, make her know why he was so happy she'd cancelled and thrown the number of Battle away. He wanted her to know he loved her, that he couldn't get out of his endless one night stands because he was breaking inside and had been since her wedding day. That he was trying to continually fill a void.

He was brought back by the quick talking of the EMT, the incessant beeping of the heart monitor picking up.

"Penelope, stay with me." He said as he shone a light in her eyes, doing as was normal for him. "C'mon Penelope, stay with me," he repeated, "I'm gonna need both you men to stay back." He said as he got ready to shock her. "Paul, step on it, we need to get to the hospital as soon as. It's not looking good."

Hotch watched in absolutely horror as Penelope's body went rigid, as she tensed and then went calm again, her body going almost floppy with no response. She was completely lifeless. He watched twice more, refusing to look at Derek's horrified tear felt outward expression, until Penelope's heart rate came back and her eyes remained on the verge of closing and opening.

He knew that it was going to be a long recovery, he just wasn't sure he was strong enough for the fall out of the diagnosis' and prognosis'.

Derek wanted answers; he needed to know what the EMT was thinking. "Why did she do that?" The EMT looked at him, but his attention went back to Penelope immediately.

Her body began convulsing, he reached up into one of the compartments and grabbed a vial of liquid and a needle, he proceeded to inject her with the medication and watched as the fit began to slow some.

"Paul, how far? She's begun seizing." That answered half of Derek's question.

"We're about 3, 4 minutes." The other EMT driving yelled back.

"Why is she doing that?" Derek asked demandingly, he needed to know and he wanted to know now.

"I think she's got a blunt force trauma to her head, nothing else would cause her to seize like she just did."

"What will that mean?" Hotch now jumped in.

"You'll have to wait for a proper doctor given diagnosis. She's just going to need a lot of help to get over this when she finally makes it out of the hospital."

Now both men looked at one another worriedly.

That spoke out more than it actually had needed to.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Hotch and Derek were near enough climbing the walls hours later.

JJ had been hesitant, she was one of the most affected by Penelope's gradual disappearance from their life. She'd taken it hard, that she'd lost the best godmother to her son, she'd doubted that she'd chosen wrong. At first she was cold, didn't want to know, yet as Derek finally got the play of events out he heard her sob and she rushed to the hospital.

Hotch had called Emily. She'd been the most resistance, stubborn as hell in her usual manner, but when he mentioned Kevin and domestic abuse in the same sentence she was up and getting dressed. She' held, for months, that Penelope had a good reason. Yet this wasn't the type of reason she had in mind, but it explained it all and now she was after blood. One person's in particular.

Rossi had always been the wary being of Kevin Lynch. Heck, besides Penelope, he was the only one to see the man butt naked with only a towel for protection. He felt the urge for his job flare, yet felt the love of the family that Penelope had helped build fall into place. However much havoc Penelope leaving did, he couldn't let family down and he'd always class her that way.

Derek spoke to Reid, told him what had happened and told him, gently, the condition of Penelope. The moment he mentioned seizure Reid's nerves beat him and he began to babble off about hematomas and tumours and other long worded conditions. He vowed to be there soon. His harsh words he'd once spoken about Penelope now forgotten.

Now each member waited, respective partners settled at home as the new morning unfolded. No one was giving them answers, all they knew was she was in surgery, but they had no idea what for. That was making every waking minute even more excruciating.

"Penelope Lynch?" They heard and it took a few moments for them to all jump at the name. The doctor was extremely young, maybe early thirties, late twenties, but he showed confidence in the work he'd just done. "Are you family?" He saw the desperation and listened to Rossi tell him she had no other family. "Mrs. Lynch is in the ICU at the moment, she's nowhere near out of the woods right now." He told them, his eyes flashed with sorrow. "We had to do a scan to see what we were dealing with and I'm afraid what we found has put her in an extremely critical predicament."

"What does mean exactly?" Emily asked, taking Hotch's hand in hers and squeezing it, holding JJ's in her other.

"We found multiple punctures to her left lung and significant damage to that and her right lung, we repaired it successfully. She had damage to a lot of her internal organs and evidence of past injuries that were not seen to. Her legs have been broken multiple times, her right one has obviously been broken and allowed to heal incorrectly, making it weaker. This would've been causing her pain, even now."

Everyone seemed to get closer, this really wasn't easy.

"As a result her legs broken and we had to fix it with plates, I don't see why that won't heal perfectly now. It will alleviate the pain as well. She's got multiple defence wounds and multiple fractures all over. We had to run a rape kit after we saw heavy bruising on her thighs; it seems she's been severely sexually assaulted, or repeated forced to have sex, over a prolonged period of time."

"What about the seizure?" Derek asked, his voice void of emotion.

He knew that the seizure was literally laying in wait, and when the EMT had shocked Penelope to revive her and get her a normal heart rhythm again he'd tripped the seizure. It was either then or later as he was told.

"That was a biggest competitor," the doctor began, "it seems that after multiple times of hitting her head she had a build up of blood on the brain, causing pressure and swelling. It looks consistent with falling down on the same side, but either way we needed to perform an extra, more intensive, surgery to get rid of the pressure and the bleed. We won't know what neurological damage has occurred until she wakes up. At the moment, she is in a coma, it's expected and it'll be more worthwhile."

"Can we see her?" Hotch asked warily.

"I don't see why not, just not all at a time. Mrs. Lynch will be under constant observation." The doctor said and the six disbanded into pairs.

Derek and Hotch were first to go.

They were about to find out how badly Penelope had paid for her mistake.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Right, I know it is mean! But I'm flexing this part of my muse! See if I can actually keep up with it! _

_Want more after that?_


	3. Becoming Unaware

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Right, no update tomorrow, I'm in London all day so no chance of a review!_

_But enjoy this for now _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was always easy to back away from situation when it wasn't your life in turmoil.

None of the team could go to sleep without first thinking of Penelope as she remained comatose in the hospital.

Hotch and Derek had been the ones to not leave, in the last 27 hours they'd kept a bedside vigil. Both men wrack their memories to see Penelope before any of this, in an attempt to get past the stark change, the medical equipment, the injuries concurred, to try and see her as the Penelope that worked with them, a smile, thick sarcasm and no moment's notice of what would be spoken next.

Rossi had made the two men leave; he was willing to stay during the night for them. After all, Kevin was still out there and they wanted her to have familiarity when she woke up, not two strangers standing at the door.

He surveyed her, his first proper look at her.

Her face was covered in a mix of coloured bruises and untouched skin colour, swollen from evident hits and the surgery, her hair on her the left side of her head was shaved, a white gauze covering up the incision mark and the opening made for the tube to relieve the pressure. Her split lip circled the plastic tube that was her life at that moment; the skin on her neck was still pure with minor markings. Her chest was severely bruised, her arms too. He looked down her body; her leg was elevated, but bound into a cast that was already covered with signatures, nicknames, jokes and memories.

Penelope Garcia was the epitome of a long term domestic abuse victim, and had been right under their noses. She hadn't left the state, she hadn't fled the country, she'd lived in the same area, just been more recluse.

All the time they thought she'd chosen Kevin over them, that she didn't need them; it was because he'd bullied her into it. Made her so victimised that she'd bailed on the life she loved.

They knew from evidence found in the house that Penelope hardly left and when she did it was with Kevin tailing her. She'd written multiple letters of pleads and S.O.S', yet none of them made it out because she never had the opportunity to leave to do it. All the windows were bolted, the back door was locked from the inside, but the key was missing and they were sure that when Kevin turned up for work, in his usual smiley persona, he'd locked the front door too.

Penelope was imprisoned in the house and everyone had been too hurt to look passed Kevin's lies and deceit. They'd all thought that because Kevin was so happy and loved up, Penelope was too. They'd made a grave assumption.

Rossi grabbed Penelope's hand in his, he sucked in a breath, he wasn't a nervous man for the most part, but this woman always got him.

"I know it's a struggle right now, Penelope, but you need to wake up. You need to ask us for help, you're forgiven, we don't hate you, but we need you to wake up for us now, Kitten." It was a heartfelt plea, yet it seemed to go completely unnoticed.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Hotch's head was groggy as his cell rang out, he sat up and looked down at Emily as she continued to sleep. One good thing from Penelope leaving was that he'd finally let Emily in for the better.

He grabbed his cell and climbed out of the bed, quiet not to wake the woman in his bed, or the son that slept in the room next door.

"Hotchner?"

"Hotch, I need you here now." Rossi's gruff voice came down the line.

Hotch looked at the clock on the wall. It was barely past 6 AM, the sun was beginning to rise and he knew immediately something had happened.

"What's wrong?"

"She's waking up, Aaron. Derek's on his way, I need to ring the others. Her heart went out of rhythm, but they said it's her beginning to come too, she's breathing on her own. Doc said to get you all here. She's going to need us."

"Right I'm on my way." Hotch said and went to get ready, waking Emily up and seeing to Jack. They all needed to go and they all needed to get there immediately.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

When Penelope opened off her eyes everything was a blur and she was in immense pain. Her head was pounding, her chest felt tight, one her legs felt heavy and she had this ball of dread rolling around in her stomach.

"Look, she's waking up." She heard a voice as her eyes closed with the lasting effects of anaesthetics and exhaustion that was still coating her.

"Get the kids out." Another voice spoke up.

She was having trouble placing the voices; she felt like her ears were covered, she knew it was the headache she was experiencing. It was, by far, the worst she'd ever had.

"Baby Girl..." That made her eyes open again. "Can you look at me?"

She opened her dry mouth, feeling the air inhale, "Derek?" She groaned quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper. She persisted to blink a bit more, her eyesight clearing enough.

He was close enough for her to see him without her glasses and she'd never seen a better sight in her life.

"Hey Handsome," she said and a smile graced her lips a little, but she grimaced from the pain it caused.

"Take it easy." She heard him soothe her and it worked.

"W-what happened?" She suddenly asked, she tried to register everything, she was still too groggily to grasp the concept of reality, but she was sure as hell she would've remembered how she wound up in a hospital bed in near enough excruciating pain.

There was a momentary lapse of silence as everyone exchanged looks at one another.

"I'm going to need everyone to leave the room." The doctor said as he came in, the team resisted but left. "Right Penelope, I'm Dr. Winters, but seeing as we'll be seeing a lot of one another I expect you to call me Clyde."

He grabbed her chart and she closed her eyes, and breathed slowly, something felt wrong.

"Right I need to ask you some questions, you had a nasty head injury," Penelope gulped and nodded, "then we'll get you some more rest, you need it." He watched her nod; he knew he'd have to be quick. "Right, do you know how you ended up here exactly?"

"No," Penelope responded, fearful.

"Okay, no worries, what do you remember?"

"Going to sleep in my apartment." She replied honestly.

"What year is it, Penelope?"

"2009," Penelope watched his features scrunched together and the feeling in her stomach manifested. "What?"

"I think you're suffering from amnesia Penelope." He told her truthfully and Penelope looked terrified at the prospect. "The head injury you sustained was extensive and problematic. It's obvious you know a lot to a point, like the people that were in here, we'll just need to give you time."

"Is it permanent?"

"Like I said, we'll have to give you time." He said and straightened up, writing on the chart. "Right, I need to test your reflexes and then I'm going to get you something to help you rest easier."

Penelope just remained emotionless and still for a moment.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

The team watched the doctor leave the room for the second time, this time he made his way to them, his face grim looking. They knew they were about to get some bad news.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked urgently, he wanted to be with her, see her alive, he wanted her near.

"I'm afraid not. She's got quite severe amnesia. I'm not sure if this is permanent or not, but when she found out the year was 2010, and not 2009 like she thought something flickered slightly. That's not all," he paused sorrowfully, "her entire left side is extremely weak, she has next to no motor skills at the present time."

He saw the defeated look grace then all; he had to pick them up. Right now, their friend needed them; she needed them to be the strength she was lacking. She needed the comfort and support that the 6 people had shown in the time since Penelope was put in the ICU.

"She'll build this up over time with physiotherapy, or, like her memory, it may just trigger back into working order. It happens, but she needs a support network. I need to know you can do that, or I can't allow you to go back in there."

"We can do that." Hotch finally spoke up; he was positive they could be a family again. "What do we need to do?"

"Don't push her memory and whatever you do, do not speak about what really lead to her being admitted to the hospital. She's going to be confused due to the medication she's on, she needs to sleep, and rest, she needs as little stress as possible.

Be gentle with her, that will do her much more help than you filling her head with the truth. From what I've witnessed her memories are ready to come back, but her brains suffered a massive trauma, it needs time to recover."

The team put on their family front and went back in, Penelope was already asleep and they felt it was best. They could hide a little. They could work on their new shields to protect her.

While she lay there unaware of the near enough year from hell, they were living with it. They had to suffer the fall out of Kevin's abuse. None of them knew just how far back her memory went. A lot happened in 2009. They didn't even know if she remember being shot, or even if she knew who Kevin was.

As much as human nature drove them to find out, they had to wait it out. They needed to respect the doctor's orders and hope that by the end of it all, everything would be okay again.

They all watched her sleep; she had an oxygen mask back on and looked more than peaceful, maybe that was the antidote she needed. She could stay in that frame of mind while they found Kevin and she recuperated some.

Little did they know was that in Penelope's subconscious a whole other battle was going on. One they couldn't help protect her from and one that was all about what she'd forgotten.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Slightly shorter than usual, but I hope you like! _

_More Soon Guys! _


	4. Flashbacks Hinder

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_There's flashbacks in this, so be warned about it, it will be violent._

_I'll apologise now for the lack of updates; my life went a little bit from the good, the bad and the damn right ugly in the last couple of days so my heads not been in writing all that much... bare with me though! =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_Kevin went towards Penelope, his eyes deranged with anger, his stagger warped with alcohol. She had no time to react, the first blow came and she fell back immediately, slumping to the floor, __her face exploding with heated pain._

"_Why did you try to go out?" He asked as he got on the floor, near enough pressing his face into hers, his breathing coming out ragged, heated, angry. _

"_I-I..." She uttered softly, not at trying to think of an excuse, she had that part sorted, but more at his overpowering anger._

"_Why Penelope?"_

"_There was no milk in the fridge." She replied, the first response she got was him standing up; the second was the kicks that came to her stomach. _

"_Now you know that's a lie. I did, after all, do all the shopping last night with my money." He told her as he stood straight, towering over her evilly, he pulled his shirt down to straighten it out. "Now the real reason Penelope..."_

_The thing was, Penelope was sure that if she gave up the real reason, that she was trying to get out, to get to Derek, she wouldn't make it to the see the end of the hour. All she wanted to do was see Derek, to talk to him maybe, to plead for help, for an escape._

_It just seemed that after months of minor knocks, Kevin was stepping everything up. His anger was growing up, flaring and exploding in her face. She was so close to getting out, so close to finding the weak points in the house._

_She just wished there were impromptu drop ins from the team like there was in the first few weeks of her newly found marriage. Yet they never came, and she never contacted them because all phones were not allowed, the laptops locked with a password that only Kevin knew, and all exits blocked._

_Even with each new kick she still found that she was still working on a way out. She wasn't going to lose this. _

_That thought went as Kevin grabbed her, pulled her up and dragged her up the stairs to their room. He threw her down and pulled her trousers off, her knickers and threw them, and then he clambered on top of her. _

"_This is your punishment." He growled into her ear as he thrust into her when she wasn't ready. _

_She passed out moments later._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope opened her eyes, her breathing slightly racy, her mind whizzing. She was confused; she had no idea why she was so biddable to a stranger's behaviour. Why she hadn't fought more. She closed her eyes and breathed the memory away; she just remained laying there until movement made her open her eyes.

She was looking straight at Derek, behind him was Reid; she smiled briefly and lost it, the pain in her head increasing. She hated that something she loved to do was hurting her so much.

"Hey you, take it easy." Derek told her, she could tell there was a withhold on his behaviour, and it confused her further. "How you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a fret train." She groaned softly and tiredly, nestling back into the pillows behind her. Then her vision blurred slightly. "What happened?"

"It can wait, you need to rest up." Derek dejected the question, to be truthful; he had no idea how to respond, what to tell her had happened.

"Handsome," she noted the shot of hurt flash on his features, "I'm in a hospital bed, I have no idea why I'm here. Please..."

"Please rest, Pen, for me." He tried, he was breaking, he never knew a nickname could cut him up so much.

Penelope couldn't argue, as much as wanted to know what had her in near enough agonizing pain, her need to let her eyes close and fall asleep was far too big for her to argue with.

"You will tell me when I wake up again, though, right Hot Stuff?" She murmured, she got no verbal response, just a mere kiss to the forehead.

Derek straightened up and looked down at Penelope. He understood that each of the team, and their families, were all going through a personal turmoil from this. Yet he couldn't share how this was killing him inside. She was well and truly Penelope through and through here. She wasn't hurting emotionally, she wasn't scared, or begging for forgiveness right now. It was all about physical consequences.

He was happy that Penelope didn't remember the last year or however long the abuse had occurred, he was more than relieved for her to not know the full extent of the situation. He just wished he had the luck of forgetting.

He walked out of the room, leaving Reid standing alone. His head whizzing through his time with Penelope and one memory clipped his attention and the next thing he knew his hand was hitting the wall hard. Pain ricocheted through his closed fist, yet the pain of the memory was so much distressing and heartbreaking.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"_Hey Stud," came Penelope's voice, Derek looked up in an instance; his heart began to race, "fancy helping this lil' mama with some boxes?"_

_It wasn't a strange request, nor was it a new one. He'd helped her many times with boxes after cases, helped lighten the load and get her home quicker._

"_Sure thing, Baby Girl." He said, and quickly signed the report and got up and followed her. He watched her shift her weight from one foot to the other, her hips swaying in perfection, her clothes clinging to all the right curves. _

_Derek walked, and as usual, he was checking his best friend out, but he didn't care, he had his reasons to be doing it and they'd stay his reasons, no one else's._

_Penelope grabbed a box from the top once they were in her office and Derek followed her actions, and then went down to the archive cupboard with her. Getting inside the space was tiny, to some claustrophobic, but Penelope loved it. _

_She could have Derek close. _

_She turned and her face was met with Derek's well sculpted, chiselled chest. She allowed her eyes to slowly drift upwards, to catch his eyes and her lips curled into a teasing grin. "Now my plan did work..."_

_Derek cocked an eyebrow and laughed, "C'mon Silly Girl, let's get this done, so we can you out of this place."_

"_With or without you?" She asked seductively, moving in a little bit and then the pair laughed. "Always worth a try." She said and picked her box up and went to push it up onto the shelf, but gasped and near enough dropped the box. _

"_Pen?" Derek asked immediately, worry filled his voice as he threw the box down and grabbed her. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing." She replied exasperatedly, her hand going to her side._

"_Don't lie to me, Baby Girl," Derek responded, "Let me look..."_

_Penelope's shoulders dropped, she knew she couldn't hide this, but she wasn't prepared to show him, nor tell him the entire truth. "Sugar, you know when you whack into the corner of the counters in the kitchen? Hurts like hell and you feel like you've been shot down? Trust me, I know the comparisons right." She joked with him and he nodded a little hesitantly. "That's what happened yesterday, I was rushing to get into work and I wasn't being careful... it's just tender."_

"_Well then you let me do this, Baby, I want you packed up and ready to leave."_

"_It's okay Morgan; I can make sure she gets home fine." Kevin's voice came from the doorway. "C'mon Penny, we need a talk." _

_Derek missed Penelope gulp and leave, briefly touching his back in a silent sign of thanks for helping. Penelope wasn't even going to argue about sticking around to help, both men wouldn't allow it and for two totally different reasons._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek sat there for a moment, he should've seen through the lie. Seen it for its worth and fixed it. Yet he hadn't and he'd bought the deceit and kept life going.

He didn't even fight when she got engaged only days later and in a whirlwind he was sat watching her marry Kevin in the most awkward and quickest wedding ceremony. He may not have been to that many weddings, but he was sure that there was meant to be more sentiment.

Reid had been watching Derek from the doorway. He could see that Derek was playing an inner battle at that moment, fighting at the thought of her being hurt while they all sat around procrastinating and almost, to a point, despising Penelope for her lack of contact with them.

Reid thought back the bitter tears and the facts that were swirling, for once Reid wished he didn't know medical books and he wished he didn't look at Penelope and analyze her through them.

In the little sleep he did get, he found himself dreaming about Penelope. Merely imagining what she had to endure at the hands of Kevin. What they'd missed. What they'd ignored.

He turned back into the room and surveyed Penelope. He stood questioning his position on the job; he was worried that when it really came down to it, they couldn't profile the most obvious of cases. They're job was full of getting through the libel, depicting apart people, taking misrepresentations and delving into the truth.

Penelope was someone that they all relied on, without a doubt she'd be there, yet they hadn't done that for her. They hadn't seen through the lies and the secrecy and the sheer coincidences that were occurring. Her life was on slow motion and then all of a sudden everything picked up. In a few short weeks she went from having a boyfriend to having a fiancé, and then all of a sudden she was married and leaving the BAU.

Now looking upon Penelope's outward feature, taking in the bruising and over use of bandages and tubes and the mass use of medical equipment and lying in amongst it all was the defamation of Penelope's life.

"Go sit down, Kid," Derek told Reid as he came back into the room, his demeanour now calm and collected once more, the walls well and truly built up to their highest of heights. "You gonna let Pen in on your little love fest?" Derek asked as he sat by the bed.

Reid looked at him, a slight blush, "Erm, uh, I doubt it. Well, I mean, not just yet."

"She'll be happy for you." Derek spoke with a genuine smile. Even though he'd not been able to get passed the one night stands, he'd been happy for Reid to get a girl, someone that made him happy. He had to admit he was jealous, but he couldn't begrudge Reid getting someone for once.

He couldn't continue, Penelope's heart monitor began to race, the bleeping getting controllably and without a second thought Derek was up and trying to coerce Penelope to wake up. He was then pulled backwards as the doctor came in, shouting requests to a nurse, striking up the action, getting their job done.

Derek and Reid tried to remain calm, but both could tell the other was panicking as they watched on. The only thing that reassured them was the bleeping of the machines as it took back a slower more normal rhythm.

"It's okay," they heard the doctor say, "She just experienced a slight heart murmur, it happens with this type of trauma. It could be a result of the injuries, or she could be dreaming. She's fine." He left the men alone then, Penelope's still sleeping form captured their attention.

Running his hands over his head, Derek watched Reid take his seat nervously and he sat back down in his seat, watching, waiting, praying.

Penelope's eyes nearly shot open moments later, her chest heaving as she looked around. Almost like it was her first time waking up.

Derek stood up and Penelope looked at Derek with fear.

"K-Kevin..." She started, "You need to get Kevin."

"Penelope we can't, you're safe now. It's okay."

"No, I'm not allowed out of the house without him. He's going to know I got out." Her eyes glazed over with tears, quickly they streamed out and she tried to push herself up, erupting in her body in pain and exhaustion as she fought her injuries. "I'm going to pay for being out of the house."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _I'm trying to write when I can, but issues have risen and getting out of life just isn't easy! But we'll see where the muse goes =) _

_More soon! _


	5. With It Comes Regret

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Right I know it's taken me some time to update AGAIN, but life's not settling much at the moment! More drama yesterday meant that I was much too distracted to write. As for daily updates, I'm not home for the next couple of days as I'm being pulled away for a bit of a 'detox' as it's been called. So hopefully after that I should be on top form!_

_Again__** SORRY**__ for the wait! Enjoy this!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek was at a loose end at that sentence. She didn't understand that she was out, that they were there to keep Kevin away from her. That she was completely safe with them. He needed her to see that it was all about moving on now, not about settling back into that life.

Penelope knew in her mind two things. One was that she was safe, after all Derek was around and secondly, that if Kevin found her, he'd make her pay. She was trying to convince herself that she didn't need Kevin, but her mouth was talking the words she didn't want to. All she really wanted was Derek. It was that assertion that her mind finally changed.

"I'm sorry." She said and began to sob.

This time Reid heard her despair, felt her sorrow and regret. He was standing there watching their usually bubbliest of the group of them cry deep, heart breaking sobs. His eyes flashed to the heart monitor, the stress was showing, her heart rate was picking up bit by bit and he just nudged Derek and pointed to it.

Derek took over and stepped in, he sat down and took her hand, she went to part from it, but he refused to let it go. "I need you to listen to me, Baby Girl." He began; he knew he needed to get her into a sense of familiarity before he was able to calm her down at all.

"Don't call me that," Penelope almost pleaded, "Not when it's going to end." She said and closed her eyes. It was all in an attempt to forget reality, the pain she was in, the pain she was causing, and the ache that had taken over her heart. She was in love with a man that wouldn't want her, not after this. She was firmly convinced about that.

"It's not going to end," Derek vowed, he bent down and kissed her forehead, "never. I've finally gotten you back, Baby; I'm not letting him take you back. You don't deserve any of this." He was cut off by Penelope's vigorous nodding as she opened her eyes ,the tears falling down freely. "No – you – don't." He told her, breaking it up to get the point across.

"I left you all. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have picked. What type of monster am I to pick?" She asked in utter desolation, her heart was shattering from the sudden onset of realisations that she had chosen Kevin over them. "You were everything to me, but I went with him. I don't deserve you. I'm sorry." He then felt her push herself up with her good hand, her agitation getting worse.

"Whoa, where are you going?" Derek said as his hands went to her shoulders, in a gently pursuit to push her down.

"I need to leave. K-Kevin is going to be expecting me." Penelope continued to attempt an escape, ignorant of the tubes and wires on her.

Derek's heart began to break more. "Pen, you aren't going anywhere. You're not strong enough; you need to lay back down, Princess, for me." She listened to him, if only just. "We're hardly leaving you, when we do it's in the hands of the doctors, but Kevin is not expecting you home, and if I have a thing to say about it, he never will."

"Why are you doing this?" Penelope asked meekly, her hand sitting on chest as her breathing heaved slightly from the stress.

Derek wiped a tear, "because the woman I love is hurting too much." He admitted and he saw the pain spark in Penelope's eyes at that admittance, she closed her eyes tightly. "I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to step up and tell you... if I had you wouldn't be here." He told her truthfully.

Reid wrapped his arms around his body; he'd been waiting for a while for Derek to get this chance, to get the truth off of his chest once and for all. Now he had the air was clearer, it wasn't so awkward. He'd told Derek time and time again that he'd get his chance to tell Penelope, but even up until lately he'd began to give up hope on the matter. Claiming it to be a lost cause.

It definitely wasn't that any more.

Penelope's eyes flashed towards Reid, he was startled, beneath the intensity of bruising and buried under the evident pain, Penelope was staring at him with an all so familiarity glare. It was the look she always gave him. He stepped closer as her lip began to quiver, "I- I understand if you can never forgive me, Spencer." She was scared to use a nickname and that hurt her, cut her in two. "What I did was cruel and I- I never thought of you." The break came again and the tears got heavier, her voice rendering in sobs. "I'm so sorry."

Penelope felt herself breaking slowly. This wasn't about her anymore; this was about the people she was bringing down with her. All she wanted was a happy life, with a man that loved her, not a broken one with a destroyed faith in her ability to love those that had loved her. She'd turned her back on those that had stood by her through everything. What did that make her?

Derek remained silent as Reid sat on the other side of the bed, he didn't look at the young Doctor as he wiped the tears away from Penelope's damaged skin. He knew not to try and tell her differently, she wasn't in the mind frame to do so. She needed a couple of days to relinquish life, to realise that Kevin wasn't coming back.

"I forgave you when I found out why you went." Reid commented quickly.

Penelope's crying didn't stop completely, it's softened, but it was nowhere near finished with it run.

"We've seen the letters you wrote to us," he continued and he reached and pulled out the bunch that was written to him. He opened one up and read through it in his usual manner. "I never wanted to do a Gideon on you, Sweetie; never would I abandon you when you need us all so much." He looked up from the writing and changed onto the next letter. "I really want a smile off my junior G-man right now; I've missed it so much. It feels like years have passed, Spence, not months. Painful, hate filled years."

Derek did the same, he pulled his letters out. All of the team had kept the letters on them, to remind them that this wasn't Penelope's fault. That she had become completely naive to Kevin's true nature. That he had almost brain washed her to believe that he what he was offering her was best for her full time.

Derek looked at Reid and spoke; he didn't need to read from paper to speak the words that had been drummed into his memory. "I can't pretend this is getting any better anymore. I can't hide that it's really him doing this. I can't make myself believe that you're coming for me. I cut you out of my life; you all think I forgot about you. I didn't. I really didn't. He made me cut you out. I want you back."

"It's all my fault." Penelope whispered, "I let him tell me it was best for me." She sniffed a little, didn't bother to stop the tears. "Even though I knew when I said 'I do' I was lying. I was scared of what he was going to do if I backed out." She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. "He always told me he loved me, I believed in those three words so much. I shouldn't have." Her eyes opened and she looked at both the men panicking. "I shouldn't have believed him. I'm so, so sorry. I- I- I thought he loved me."

It took all of Derek's ability to fight the urge to either get up find Kevin and disembody him limb from limb or to pull Penelope into his arms and hold her tightly.

"Baby Girl..." He said soothingly and calmly. "You loved him, it's the simplest explanation. He put you in the frame of mind that had you believing him." Penelope shook her head. "Yes, he did."

"No, he didn't." Penelope disagreed with him and looked into his eyes. "I knew what he was doing wrong. Why would someone that says he loves me hurt me? Why would he ever lay a finger on me? Why the hell would I let myself get hurt again after Battle?"

Derek's anger was boiling; little did he know that so was Reid's. "Pen, how long was he hurting you?"

Penelope sucked in a deep breath. "About a year down the line. He'd tell me I was neglecting him, that I wasn't concentrating on our relationship, that I deserved to be punished. That's all this was, it was all punishment."

Reid didn't know what to do other than let his instincts take over. "Pen, we, erm, need a doctor to check you over." He stood up then, taking himself from the proximity that Penelope was just finding comforting. "They need to know that you're memory's back." Penelope nodded a little nervously; Reid had never felt so broken over something in his entire life. Not even after Henkel, or his drug problem, or even when Gideon left, but this was killing him. "Are you in pain?"

"Erm... a little." Penelope lied, her head was pounding, her body was throbbing and her mind was hammering for sense of how she'd let her life change into something she hated.

"Tell the doctor she's remembering and she's being a hard head with lying about her pain level." Derek cut in and Reid left the room. Penelope then became the sole occupant of his attention. "I want you to remember one thing, Penelope." He said in an almost whisper. "I'm never leaving your side again."

Those words made Penelope cry again, but for a different reason. She had a feeling of happiness and safety building inside of her. Something she'd thought she'd never feel again. Something she didn't want to lose.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Kevin was more than over his hangover by the time he made it to his parent's house. He'd made sure he was stone cold sober and respectable. Well as respectable as _his_ plan would allow him.

He knocked on the door and steadied himself. He watched the door open and his mother stand there. She smiled initially before looking over the scratch on her son's face.

"Kevin? Honey, what have you done to yourself?" She asked as she pulled him in, a comforting hand going around him as she guided him through to the closest seat.

"Oh it's horrible mom. Penelope just wasn't listening and we had a row and she just attacked me. I had to leave; I need her to calm down."

Kevin's mom looked horrified. "Kevin... where's Penelope now? I'll go have a word."

"She's at ours, but don't. She already thinks I rely too much on you and dad. She's a little jealous." Kevin finished saying as his hand went to the scratch on his cheek. "She'll calm down, but I'd rather stick here until she does so."

"How do you know when she has?" Kevin's mom asked as she went into the kitchen and got a wet cloth to clean the marking.

"Oh, she'll send me a text. I'll go and see her then. It'll all be fine." Kevin told her positively. He had utter faith in everything being fine. "Our little fights never last long." He continued to say, they never did because he'd beat Penelope hard enough so that she was rendered unconscious, he always got the last say that way.

"Well let's hope it does." Kevin's mom hoped, as she cleaned the wound up. She was completely sucked in by her son's lie.

"Like I said, I'll go and check in on her in her couple of days. I know where she is."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Once I got into this it just kinder came together. I hope you liked... don't worry about Kevin, he'll get his just desserts, it's always a promise with such a storyline =) _

_Want more?_


	6. Memories Beg To Differ

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_AGAIN! Sorry I've disappeared! I'm still not completely settled, but am more so than before! So things are definitely looking up!_)

_Hope you like where this is heading, middles bit are flashbacks (in italics) _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope lay awake, the room was empty, the light outside just showing the morning sun at its brightest. She could hear the incessant bleeping of the heart monitor and at the most it lulled her into a sleep, but today it just kept the rhythm of her memories going.

She lay there looking around her room in the ICU, it might have only been a couple of days, but she still couldn't believe she was out of the house. She took in the blank walls and sterilised smell and she loved it, but it panicked her nonetheless.

Deep down in her gut she firmly believed that she'd close her eyes one too many times and wake up to be against the cold flooring of the bathroom or the kitchen or on a bare mattress recovering from a new beating for some wrong doing. That she'd still be caught up with a compulsive liar, with a man that wanted to harm her and mess with life and claim he loved her after.

Her eyes traced to the flow of activity outside in the corridor, she watched nurses rush back and forth and frowned. They were doing what they loved. She missed her job so much; she never thought that chasing Unsubs would leave her with a sense of completeness. She never knew that until she was pulled from it all. She was jealous of Kevin, she hadn't been able to get near a computer in months and now she doubted how her future looked.

Her eyes looked down at her left hand and she told it to move. It hailed no major response and she felt herself begin to cry. If she remained like this, she would never get to work again, and then what would she do? She'd be deemed dependent on whoever was around. Yet who would that person be? Derek might have told her every time he left the room that he loved her, that he was in love with her, but when the velocity of the situation died he'd realise that she was a naive, lying cripple.

Her right hand snapped up and rubbed the tears into her damaged skin. She didn't want to cry when Derek came in; she knew it was soon, he was making a visit before he went to work. She'd tried to keep crying to a minimal in front of them, partly because she felt she was bringing them enough pain and the rest was because she felt she didn't deserve to cry, that she'd brought this on herself.

She diverted her eyes to ceiling as her memories flooded in. She'd been doing this the last couple of days. She just let herself get lost and in turn it wasn't doing her any good. She worried the nurses doing this and Derek once when he walked in and the heart monitor wasn't acting normal.

Yet she didn't care. By her reliving it all she was pinpointing the moments in life that she lost more and more of her, or when the best parts of her were locked away when the defence mechanisms came to life to preserve her.

She knew under all the physical damage, the bruises, the cuts, the broken bones, the torn skin, she was still her. Even under the emotional trauma she was going through, the scared feeling she still had, under the rushes of emotions she had, and under the feeling of obedience and inferiority she was her, under it all was Penelope Garcia.

She was just waiting to come back to life.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"_Penny!" Kevin's voice rang through the house. _

_Penelope pulled herself off the bed as she heard it. She'd been ill with the flu all day and Kevin's face when she'd left work early that day was not one to be desired. She stood up shakily, her limbs all protesting, her head pounding and went to see him._

"_Why were you upstairs?" He asked her and looked around the house. "There's dishes to be done, hovering too. What if we get surprise guests?"_

"_Sorry, Kevin, I think I've got the flu. I really don't feel good." She said as she used the banister too much for her balance. She watched him survey her and his face softened as he stepped towards her. "I was thinking I'd..."_

"_Go and get dressed and stop being so pathetic." Kevin told her, his tone a soft tone of aggression. "My parents are coming over and the house is a shit hole and there's no food cooking!"_

"_Kevin, I did not marry you to become a housewife! I married you because I love you and you vowed to be with me whatever, through sickness and health and all that."_

_Kevin chuckled a low laugh, "You think those words actually mean a thing outside of City Hall?" He asked her and laughed more. "Seriously mistaken. I want a wife that is obedient and will do as I say. I'm the man of the house and I am in charge."_

_Penelope descended the rest of the stairs, preparing to square up to him. "Well then you're seriously mistaken yourself. I do not tolerate being told what the hell to do. I am my own person and no one before you could control me and you certainly aren't going to do that, Kevin. You married me this way and you'll live with me this way. No man will change me. Not even you."_

_The answer punctuated the air as skin hit skin and Penelope stumbled back onto the stairs. Her headache intensifying, her aching body taking a while to acknowledge that Kevin had just hit her. It wasn't just one hit, Kevin proceeded to pull her up to her feet and push her into the wall._

_Kevin enjoyed the rush of endorphins that flew through his veins after that one hit. The look in Penelope's eyes igniting something in him that he had refused to acknowledge. Now he understood that a good hiding from the man of the family wasn't something terrible. _

"_Now you'll go and clean yourself up, shower, and get yourself dressed. You will not go back to bed until this house is spotless and my parents leave this house satisfied. Do I make myself clear?"_

_Penelope was scared of Kevin's actions and nodded and fled to the bathroom to inspect the damage._

"_And hide that red mark before it turns into a bruise." He called up and went into the living room, sunk onto the couch and put the TV on completely happy with what he'd just done. _

_He sat looking at the TV; he had to wonder why he ever stopped hitting Penelope around. It made her more passive and aware of him. He guessed that if he'd done it before and stopped, she'd know he was capable, but obviously Penelope didn't learn lessons too well._

_Kevin was beginning to start up a dirty habit again. An addictive one at that._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_Kevin's guilt over his actions didn't last long, Penelope soon learnt. If she disregarded him or didn't do as he asked he'd just inflict force and he'd be done. She'd cower under the strain of whatever force he'd use and do it. _

_Penelope slowly began to realise that he did this, yet loved her. She was in denial._

"_You're quitting your job." He told her one day at dinner. "I think it's the best course of action."_

"_For who exactly?" Penelope asked as she set her knife and fork down. "I don't want to leave my job."_

"_You're leaving it. I want you at home more. I'm your husband."_

"_Kevin... please, Honey, you know I love my job and team."_

"_It's decided." He replied, and continued to eat his dinner. He looked up moments later to see her staring at him. "I'm not telling you again."_

"_I don't want to quit. I love it; it's a part of me."_

_Kevin put his knife and fork down and stood up, his hands either side of the plate. "I've spoken, I want you to quit and that's what you're doing tomorrow. You're quitting." He watched the fire start in her eyes, she was going to argue and he was about to finish this. "You're quitting!" He yelled and threw his plate at her, she dodged it and it shattered against the wall. "Clean that up!"_

_She watched him leave, her lip quivering. _

_The next day was horrible. She went in, she was sore, Kevin hadn't just overdone it with the unwanted sex, but he'd hit her about when she made idle work to clean up and sort her transfer request. She had to be thankful he didn't hit her on noticeable places. She was too embarrassed to admit to the team what was happening. She'd rushed for this life; she had to live with it. Even if her relationships were strained. _

"_Sir," she began to ask as she knocked on the door, "I need to ask you for something?"_

"_What can I do for you, Garcia?" Hotch asked in his usual manner._

"_I need to ask for a resignation," she watched is shocked expression, "I really want to be at home more." She was almost reciting what Kevin yelled at her last night between the kicks. "The job's putting strain on my marriage."_

"_I understand." He replied, because he did. He'd lived the strain with Haley and in the end he'd lost her completely, he had the motherless son to prove it. "Are you a hundred percent?"_

_Penelope's eyes widened, she was being asked if she was ready, she wanted to scream no, but her arm wrapped around her aching ribs and she began to nod. "Y-yes Sir." She said teary eyed. "I'm sorry." _

"_Don't be. I'll go talk to Strauss and get it sorted." He said as he stood up. "First I think the team need to know."_

_Penelope nodded him and watched as he got the team all gathered. She watched their look all changed as the news came out. They're settled expressions morphed into sadness; especially Derek's and she felt like her heart was slowly being pulled from her chest and being toyed with. None of them gave her eye contact, not even as they asked her if she was sure._

_Had she became that much of a liar that they couldn't see her deceit? Had she lied for too long about Kevin's attitude and acts that she was now a professional? She guessed she had just realised that she was a perfect liar._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

That day, their looks, her feelings never left her for a moment. She hated herself for it and now laying in the hospital bed she finally realised that they would've helped in a heartbeat had she just uttered the truth.

Derek would've protected her from Kevin; he would've healed her up and helped her through it all. JJ and Emily would've been her best friends and looked after her in their usual girlie manner. Hotch and Rossi would've stood there and helped Derek, they would've sorted an annulment and Strauss and looked after her and Reid would've been the little brother she'd never had. He would've made her feel better with one awkward grin.

As Penelope's attention came back to the room she was in, she felt the tears marring her cheeks and didn't stop them. Even lying in the hospital a part of her wanted to believe that Kevin loved her. That underneath the dominance and the superiority for his place as the man of the house, that he did it all in the name of love. Even now, she was striving to find the good in him, even after everything, she wanted to believe that her loveable geek she'd met just after Battle was waiting to come back to her. Yet her memories begged to differ. That person was not there anymore and she had to face that fact.

Penelope began to let her eyes close, she was willing to sleep off the pains and headache, willing to close her eyes until she could open them to see Derek. There were some truths he needed to know about and she was finally ready to tell him.

"Penny." She heard the moment her eyes were closed, she opened them and went to scream out as a hand clasped onto her lips. "Don't say a word." Kevin told her with a smile, his tone was serious, his eyes were too, tainted with aggression.

She looked at the door and saw it closed. His hand clasped her mouth tightly, making it hard for her to breath as her airways were limited. He pressed her down into the pillow as he bent down closer to her face.

"I think we need a word." He told her as she began to struggled beneath his hold.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** Cliff hanger! What's Kevin gonna do guys?

Hope you liked! =)


	7. You Made Me This Way

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Wordofwyrd and I set ourselves a challenge! To get a chapter of our stories done, she didn't want to be left hanging with psycho Lynch in the room any longer with this one... so she'd got her wish! Booya!_

_It's horribly horrible! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope closed her eyes as his breath hit her skin. She actually hated his touch, she loathed it, wanted it off her, but she couldn't pry him off her. He was too strong. He was using her weakened physicality to his advantage. She couldn't get away and hide from it this time.

Her biggest fear in life was standing over her and there wasn't a thing she could do.

"Now if you even scream, Penny, my sweet wife, I will use this." He chuckled as she whimpered as her eyes set on the knife in his hand. "Now are you going to scream?" Penelope closed her eyes and shook her head. "Good wife." He said and kissed her forehead before straightening up and removing his hand.

He quickly grabbed the control that was near her grasp and threw it; he didn't need her secretly calling for a nurse when he's back was turned.

"W-why are you h-here?" Penelope asked timidly, her voice almost a whisper.

"My wife's in hospital, how could I not be here?" He asked her and walked around to the end of the bed; he put the knife down and grabbed her chart. "You dare scream and I'll cut whoever comes in here and then I'll kill you."

Penelope remained silent. She watched her _'husband'_ and she blinked away the tears. She was married to an Unsub now, years in the crime fighting business and she'd willingly married a mad man.

She knew full well she wasn't getting back to Kansas any time soon after this.

Kevin looked up as Penelope's heart rate escalated, she was scared, she was in pain and it was all showing on the screen. Kevin set the chart down and walked over to it.

"Well that's annoying." He said and turned it off. "Now that's better." He looked down at Penelope and then sat down heavily moving her arm forcefully as he went. "So how have you been?"

Penelope's flashed with confusion, soon anger enraged her. "What happened to you?" Kevin looked at her and Penelope kept his eye contact. "You're not the man I married; you're not even the man I fell in love with anymore." She commented and Kevin's had grabbed her face and he pulled her up, ignoring her cries of pains.

"It's called being crazy in love, Penelope. You made me this. I'm me, because of you." He commented and dropped her down forcefully.

Penelope's eyes squeezed tight as her head reacted to the movement. They snapped opened as Kevin's hand touched the bandage on her head, he pushed a little, as though he were inspecting it.

"I needed you to realise that it was all about us in the end and I'd do anything to keep you with me and I did." He told her as his hand brushed through her hair, or what was left. "You really don't suit short hair."

"I didn't have a choice." Penelope whispered as she lay there passively, letting him do this to her, her eyes crying intermittent tears. She was sending her prays out, begging that Derek would come in any moment, or a nurse that would run and get help. Kevin was, after all, away from his weapon.

"What else is there that they've realised I've done?" He asked her and he stood up and pulled the blankets down showing off her bruised legs. "Aw well isn't that sweet?" He asked as he read the messages on her cast. He turned it hastily and abruptly, causing more pain. "Shame it's all lies." He told her as he looked up. "So two faced of them, if you ask me." He looked around for a pen and scribbled all over the pieces the team had put on it, marking his new words.

"They never came to visit you, never made the effort once you stopped. You're such a part of that family that they did that to you, Penelope. That's not a family, that's life. You were a good thing to have around, but forgettable. See, they forgot about you, Penny. They felt you'd given up once you became a Lynch and so they gave up too. You had a husband after all, why did you need people that were just going to drop you anyway?"

"They're coming back." Penelope said as she tried her hardest to stop his words from snaking through her system.

"Oh I know they are, I've seen their patterns with work and family outside of here and well," he shrugged, "it's all out of guilt of course."

"No, it's not." Penelope fought back a little stronger. "They're not here out of guilt."

Within a flash, Kevin was in her face. "I'm the only one that loves! No one else does, Penny! Who was it that looked after you all these months?"

"Who was it that put me here?" Penelope bit back. "All of this is your fault!" She said louder again. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

"I love you, Penelope! That's why I did it! I'm in love with you, I showed that when we got married! Please, baby, I love you."

"You told me once what you said in City Hall didn't matter." Penelope sobbed, "so why is now any different?"

"I've been lost without. You left me." Kevin's desperate tone dropped then and his eyes fired up with hated. "You left me for him, you went off to him! I found you there after all, didn't I?" He snatched the knife up again and began to pace.

"For months I tried to not think about him. Telling myself it wasn't him you wanted, after all you married me, we were starting a life. Even when you lost the baby, I wanted to believe it was still me you wanted."

Penelope closed her eyes again, trying to keep some restrain, the only way she could attempt a way at forgetting the world around her was by shutting her eyes and hoping her body would shut down. She didn't want to be reminded of what had happened. She wanted that tale to be told when she was ready. It was one of the things that she wanted Derek to know.

"All I ever wanted was children with you, we would've been happy then, we would've worked. We'd have been a happy family."

"It wouldn't have worked. You killed my baby." Penelope told him grimly, her eyes still closed, it was more her telling herself.

Kevin did the first thing his instincts told her to do. He plunged the knife into her stomach and pulled it out again shaking. Both he and Penelope watched the blood begin to flow and Kevin pulled the blankets up and over her again, making himself believe he hadn't just done that.

Penelope gasped at the new, fresher wound she'd just gotten. She couldn't believe he'd just done that.

"You made me do that!" Kevin shouted and ran his hands over his head. "It's all your fault. The way my life turned out is all down to you! I was okay before I met you Penelope. Look what you made me do! Look at you, that's all because of you. If I hadn't have loved you so much I wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have been that nasty, but you made fall in love with you and you wanted them more than me! If you'd just wanted me more, I wouldn't have started to get into the habit of hurting you."

Penelope watched his rant as her world began to merge. "K-K-Kevin, y-you need t-to get-t so-someone." She begged as she tried to register the shock that was filling her.

"You loved Derek Morgan the entire time I was with you and you, you continued to stay with me! You still love him, it says so there!" He said using the blooded knife to point out the wording on her cast. "I'll love you forever and always, my Baby Girl for life. Together in eternity."

Kevin seemed to finally snap at that, he stabbed her one last time and fled the room, the knife ricocheting off of the floor, leaving Penelope there, alone and bleeding out onto the starch white sheets.

She went to call for help but it didn't work, her voice was back to being nothing more than a sob filled, pained gasp for air. Her chest began to heave she couldn't do anything. She looked around for the control to get the nurse in, but her eyes laid on it as it lay on the floor from when Kevin threw it.

She tried to push herself up but was pulled back down by the wires and tubes and pain.

Penelope could swear her life was flashing before her eyes as she lay there weakening until she heard a voice that gave her hope and openly sob.

"Oh fuck!" Derek said the instant he saw the blood heavily staining the sheet, he rain from the room. "Help! Penelope needs help! She's bleeding!" He said and ran back with nurses jumping to life and following him. He ran in and saw the knife on the floor and grabbed Penelope's hand. "Baby Girl, look at me, who did this?" He didn't need to ask, but it was knee jerk reaction.

"Kevin was here." She said as she squeezed his hand. "D-Derek, I l-love you, I'm sorry for all of this." She told him quietly, all her strength going into the words. "I made Kevin turn, it's all my fault I-I'm here, no one else's. I'm sorry for all for all of this. I-I just wanted you to know before..."

"Nothing's happening to you." He interrupted her as he ignored the nurses as they worked on her for a moment, surveying the injuries. "You're going to come back to me, Baby Girl. You're going to bounce back from this. None of us blame you. Kevin's to blame. I love you, okay, you need to come back to me." Derek's desperation flowed out with tears now; he could see her slipping again.

Penelope felt Derek's clammy hand run the course of the side of her face as her eyes became heavier, she was in too much pain to fight and she didn't have the strength to fight it any longer. Even with Derek calling her name and urging her to stay with him.

"We need to get her to surgery now!" Doctor Winters' said as soon as he saw the damage. His worry and concern being hidden by his doctor tone. "We need to repair this damage before she slips into deeper shock."

Derek's hand was torn from Penelope's as she was taken from the room in a race to save her life.

He looked down and at the blood that had transferred from Penelope's hand to his. He watched his hand shake as he sunk to his knees and in a moment of weakness his panic came out in cries, something Derek hadn't done since he was a kid.

He blinked and his eye set on the knife. He was enraged now. He was powered by the need for revenge.

Derek just stood up grabbed his phone to tell Hotch and then went hunting.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Okay, Lynch has reeeeeally morphed some now! I wasn't gonna be this mean, but the muse holla'ed and I responded! _

_Want some more?_


	8. Just Desserts

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Thanks for all the reviews guys! _

_Hope you like where I took this! Some of you might be exceedingly happy._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope's eye still felt heavy when she woke up, she could barely manage a blink, but she kept trying. In between each new shot of darkness she saw movement and as the blurriness disappeared she noticed it was Derek and Hotch.

As her vision continued to clear, so did her mind and then the moments leading up to her being like this hit her and she felt like the air was taken from her lung. Her breathing began to race, Kevin had been there, it was her fault, because then he'd stabbed her.

"Penelope, I need you to calm down." A nurse that had been helping with most of Penelope's care spoke softly but demanding. She put an oxygen mask on and fitted it, all in an attempt to calm Penelope's rapid, short breaths. "I need you to take deep breaths for me. You're okay." She soothed as she checked Penelope's vitals, all the time remaining calm. "Everything's fine."

Penelope wanted to believe everything was fine, but she couldn't. Her mind kept screaming at her – He stabbed you! He stabbed you! – there was no break; it was all incessant screeching and then she could almost visualise it, she could feel his presence, smell him, hear him and all his accusations came flying out at her.

"Baby Girl, I need you to look at me." Derek spoke and he took her weaker hand. She might not be able to use it, but it'd be a crime to not acknowledge Derek's bear like grasp. Derek watched as she slowly looked up at him, she was tried, he could tell and he could see she was in pain.

Penelope watched as Derek leant closer, a hand going above her head and she slowly realised that that tube was gone, she felt his hand in hair and she looked at him the best she could and she felt herself calm down instantly. The one thing it didn't calm was the rush of emotions and the tears that came.

"I told you that you were coming back to me." He said to her softly and the feel of his breath on her was almost therapeutic rather than a form of torture. "I know my Baby Girl better than she knows herself it seems." He watched her smile as her eyes began to get heavier. "That's it, Sweet Thing, you just sleep." He kissed her temple gently before pulling away.

"Well you certainly have a way with her." The nurse commented as she wrote on Penelope's chart. "We would've just sedated her mildly to calm her; with you around it seems we don't need to."

"She's not going to get better with being sedated." Derek said as she watched Penelope, his attention not moving off of her serene, yet hurt features.

She hadn't taken in his cut up facial features and he was glad, he could wait. His hunting escapade could wait. He'd done his duty as protector and now he was going to continue that within the constraints of Penelope's hospital room.

He took his seat, pulling close so he could hold her hand and remained silent. He was somewhat proud at the moment.

He'd hunted and caught Kevin and released hell.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_The moment Derek broke free of the hospital's stark white walls of its main entrance and of its sterilised smell he'd looked left then right and trusted his gut. _

_His breathing was ragged, he was beyond angry, he was beyond a mess and he was beyond a sane man at that moment. God help Kevin if he found him. _

_And just like that he did. _

_Kevin was near enough tearing his hair out as he paced manically in a side alleyway near the hospital. He was muttering and insulting and berating and didn't have a chance to react. _

_Derek just lunged._

_The two men hit the floor with a brute force, Kevin winded under the weight of Derek and then paralysed with the powerful blows that Derek threw. Kevin's mind was racing. He still hadn't caught up with what had just happened. He was still trying to block the hits when he realised that the reason he'd done what he done was attacking._

_Derek watched Kevin's face turn into a gleeful smile, a mocking expression in his eyes. Derek hit that look away and didn't care as Kevin's blood sprayed on him; he was out for blood as it was. _

"_Get off me!" Kevin said and with all his energy and force pushed Derek and went to get up to run. He'd forgotten about Derek being an agent, who had training to take people down. He should've remembered from all the months that Penelope worried when Derek had taken on Unsubs. _

_Kevin felt his face hit the gravelled floor and he felt the little stones grazing his skin as Derek pulled him backwards and then pulled him to his feet and slammed him into the wall. _

_Derek's teeth were gritted, near enough spitting with each new anger filled breath. "If she dies, I'll make sure I'll finish what I've started here." Kevin's face relaxed some, thinking this was over. "I'm not done with you just yet_, Lynch_."_

_Kevin gulped, he didn't like how Derek said his name there, he didn't like the death grip Derek was tightening around his throat. _

"_You think Penelope deserved all that you've done; well I say you deserve all this." Derek said as Kevin's hand began to give up prying his hands from his throat and Derek threw him more into the shadowed alley and away from a viable exit. _

_Kevin coughed at the impact and didn't have time for recovery as Derek kicked him repeatedly. "How's that feel, Lynch?" He asked mid kick, "Like that do you? How's it feel to be on the receiving end?" _

_Derek stopped and looked at what he'd done. What type of monster he'd morphed into in the name of love. Penelope told him it was her fault. He had to know something._

"_Why did you do it to her?" Derek asked as he stepped back with his hand on his head. "Why did you abuse her?" Kevin remained unresponsive as he gripped his stomach. "Well?" _

"_I love her, she made me do it." _

_Derek was silenced, Kevin seemed certain he'd done it to Penelope because he loved her; Derek had done this to Kevin because he loved her too. Yet causing someone pain under the same reasoning had never felt quite so different._

_Derek turned to leave, he was done, he needed to wait to hear for news on Penelope's now obviously critical condition. As he'd staggered away from Kevin in a daze he'd not noticed the man getting up and then running for him._

_Derek's body hit the floor heavily, yet he didn't take so long to respond to Kevin's punches and his strength was nothing to match. He managed to overpower the weakling of a greasy geek and turn the attack back. _

"_She's always loved you." Kevin said angrily. "I just wanted her to myself and then to expand my family, pass on the name, but even that she couldn't do right!" Kevin spat out as he fought Derek's strength. He was going to use all the low blow's he had. He was going to be mean. "I'd fuck her until she passed out with the pain. When I wanted it, I got it, regardless of what she was doing." _

_The men continued to fight. Kevin hadn't taken a blind bit of notice that he was only igniting Derek's true strength. He hadn't acknowledged that what he really was doing was signing his own death warrant. _

"_I finally got her pregnant," Kevin told him, "it was a fucking girl, I wanted a boy."_

_Derek knew what he was going to say next. It was obviously, it didn't take a genius to piece it together._

"_All it took was throwing her down the stairs." That was it for Derek, his true rage came out and he went into an unstoppable frenzy._

_It didn't take Derek long to leave Kevin in a blooded heap. _

_He just stood up, dusted himself off and went back towards the hospital._

_Walking through the door he told them there was a hurt male down the road. He then went and found a bathroom, inspected his injuries and finally took himself back upstairs to begin the waiting game and come up with an excuse._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You know she's going to want to know what happened." Hotch said as he sat and watched Derek's silence thought roll out.

"I do know that." Derek said quietly, "She's going to get the truth too."

"Is that wise?"

"Tell me, Hotch, what's the point of keeping her in the dark about it all? Why lie to her? We've always been about the truth, that's how we worked, why would we change our ways because of Kevin Lynch?"

Hotch watched Derek's resolve finalise as he sat back in his seat and looked at him. Hotch had to agree. He'd always admired the way that everyone on the team could tell one another anything and be okay with it. Be it with individuals or the entire group, they were able to confide in everyone with different matters. He knew progression for Penelope was to keep that factor with them. Not eliminate it completely.

"I beat him up," Derek shrugged, "Kevin Lynch what he had coming. I don't care what happens to me, it was provoked. He's had it coming the moment Penelope came to me." Derek looked at his boss with sad eyes. "He provoked me. I was walking away, leaving him a little scratched up, but he jumped me as I was leaving and then he told me she's always loved me."

"So you near enough killed him for that?"

"He pushed her down the stairs when they learnt she was pregnant with a little girl." Derek told Hotch and released Penelope's hand so he could look at the older man properly. "He wanted a boy, he didn't care about Penelope. It was all about what he wanted." Derek said and looked back at Penelope. "Look what he did to her and he said it's all down to loving her. That isn't love."

"You need to show her the right love now Derek. We'll sort it out with Kevin."

"I'll take the blame, I'm not gonna be a coward and lie, but I can't stand to leave her again. I want my life with her."

"I can't honestly see Kevin winning anything here, but a one way ticket to jail." Hotch commented and stood up. "I'm going to get some drinks and see where Rossi's gotten to."

All Derek did was nod.

"Don't feel guilty for doing what we all wanted to do."

Derek was left to his silence then.

If he hadn't have done that, someone else in the team would've. He'd just beaten them all to it.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _That is the most I've ever allowed myself to hurt Lynch... why not more I don't know but hey! It was quite fun! I'm not a sadist for that am I? Or just normal?_

_Want more, post Lynch beating?_


	9. The Spread Of Grief

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_I did attempt an update yesterday, but I lost track of time and went out last night... in the rain... oh how I love England... not!_

_BUT here's a lengthy update to make up for it! Enjoy! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It didn't take long for the team to get to the chance to go to the hospital; Rossi had gone to Strauss and told her about the stress they were under. He also presented her with Penelope's file of Kevin's abuse, doctor's reports, photo's, evidence from the house. To say the least the woman was far from happy. She complied and at hearing the new turn of events she issued the team a leave of absent.

JJ was distraught when she heard the news, she'd become distracted and she didn't know if she could cope with actually losing Penelope completely. The prospect of having Penelope even more hurt scared her more than she wanted to know. It had been in the first months that Penelope's phone calls and visits disappeared and Henry had cried for his Auntie P that she began to wonder if Penelope had used them all. Used them as her waiting ground for her own family. Now as she sat in her office she knew it'd all been a mistake. A lie she'd been made to believe by Kevin's ever so happy facade at work.

JJ slowly gathered her things and went to meet the others. They all knew Penelope was out of surgery, that she'd pulled through once again.

What they didn't know was that Kevin Lynch was now a patient in the same hospital as a result of Derek.

Hotch felt it better to leave that bit of information out for them all bar Rossi.

To say the least, the silence that sat between them all was unnerving. No one knew what to think or say. Since Penelope had come back their feelings had been in a mess. Each having their own struggle and each thinking of how they'd be when Penelope was awake more to talk to them. They all harboured the hurt feeling Penelope had left in the wake of her disappearance from their life.

They all guess it'd be a natural progression.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope woke up several times, but the one where she didn't fall back to sleep she was completely alone. She was thankful for it. The piece, the loneliness, the serenity of it all was calming her. She didn't feel she needed to hide her pain and heartbreak, she didn't feel like anyone was walking around her on eggshells and she didn't feel like they were all watching her with the same hurt expression that had haunted nearly every sleep from the day she told them she was leaving.

Her hand ran across her tender stomach, she felt the new bandages and she remembered when Kevin had just plunged the knife in. The way her eyes snapped opened at the first hit and how she had just watched her own blood course out over her body. The crimson on the white. The feeling much like that after she'd been shot. Except instead of burning all she felt was a searing pain deep in her.

She turned her head groggily to look out of the window. The silence was golden for once.

For months on end the only silence she had was after Kevin had hit her. When the sound of the slap or the hit or her pleas and sobs ended. While he was at work she had no time to just sit around and relax. She had to clean something, cook something, everything had to be ready for Kevin and now she didn't know if her life without that would work.

After all, how could she go back to a life of freedom after so long?

When she finally made it out of the hospital she would had to rebuild a life. Find a place to live, find a way to get back into the throes of life, get back to normal. She was just worried about how she'd do that. She had no idea how the others would be with her. Reid said he was okay, but she could see the hurt in his eyes still, and Hotch even though he was keeping it strong and supportive, there was tinge of regret, but she had to appreciate that.

As for Derek, that left her confused. He was there for everything, to calm her down, to help her, to love her, but she was so scared that once she was up and about and the momentum of the moment would disappear, she'd be left alone.

She was scared to love again, even if Derek held her heart, the prospect of loving someone, to want a family with them scared her. She'd been so close to getting that and lost it.

She lay there thinking about the day she found out she was pregnant. The beating's stopped that same day. She was left alone, Kevin looked after her, loved her, appreciated her. Things morphed at her 5th month scan when her and Kevin were told they could know the sex, Kevin had excitedly agreed, and they found out they were expecting a little girl.

That night it all changed.

She was folding towels upstairs on the landing when Kevin had come to her. It happened too fast for her to react. He'd caught her unaware and in a matter of steps she'd gone from the middle of the landing to falling down the stairs. Kevin had walked down the stairs as she lay clutching her stomach. He just watched. Didn't help. He'd just released hell again.

Penelope lay looking out at the afternoon sky as she came back to the present and reality and felt the tears. She'd been so happy to be pregnant, to be having her shot her a family and then it was taken from her.

She whimpered to stop the full blown cry and the sob ran through her body, making her shudder involuntarily.

She'd never had chance to grieve her loss. The moment she was okayed by the doctor the abuse kicked started again. She was never left long enough to go through the five stages she should have been given the chance to. Kevin had tried to make sure that she got pregnant again, it just didn't work.

Now the grief she'd never been able to experience began.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek walked in, he heard the sobbing first and then he saw Penelope's shaking shoulder. He didn't waste time; he went around to where she was facing and crouched down and grabbed her hand.

"Baby..." He said softly, he could see she'd been crying a while. "Sweetheart, look at me," she listened like she normally did, "what's wrong?"

"I-I should be a mom right now." She sobbed painfully; he could hear every note of her breaking heart in her voice and closed his eyes. He wished he'd killed Kevin now. "He took that from me. He-He took her from me, Derek, my own little girl, he took that from me."

Derek reached up and wiped the tears away. "I know he did, Princess." Penelope looked at him shocked, her tears halting for a moment. "Let's say, Kevin got what he had coming to him."

"W-When?"

"When I thought I was losing you again." Derek said and he could feel the anger growing. "I-I'm sorry Penelope, he took you from me. He took my God given Solace away from me, he hurt her more than I ever thought possible. I promised to protect you for the rest of your life and I always assumed you were safe with Kevin. He loved you. Yet he didn't, he hurt you and I-I just couldn't let him get away with what he did."

"What did you do?" She asked fearfully, surveying his face.

"I hunted him down. I did him in a little, but I walked away. I didn't want to be like him. He jumped me as I went to leave and he told me he made you lose your baby and I lost it." Derek's hand ran over his bald head in anguish. "You deserve a family, Penelope, and he took that and so much more from you."

Penelope blinked as her vision blurred more than it had. "Thank you." Penelope surprised him with that weak sign of gratitude, Derek looked at her. "I didn't expect anyone to do that for me."

"I love you, Baby Girl; I'll do it again if he comes near you. I'm finally looking after you and protecting you until I die. I can't do that if I let you go with another man."

"No one's going to want me." Penelope said agonizingly, her tone excruciating from both physical and emotional pain. "I-I'm a..."

"You're mine." Derek said to her with so much devotion and passion that Penelope had to look at him and see if he was lying to her. He wasn't. "I'm not going to treat you like a victim, Baby. I'm going to love you and restore you. I know my Baby Girl's waiting to come out again. She's waiting under the victim Kevin made. That victim won't last, because I know that Penelope _Garcia_ is stronger than Lynch. She's just going to need help."

"Derek, I'm disabled. Why would you want me like this? I'll be dependent on you, you won't have a life and I'm not beautiful like the women you can get. I'm nothing like them. I never will be and I won't ever get the chance to be when I'm like this. I'm ugly and I'm someone I never wanted to be."

"Shh," Derek told her as he stood and perched on the bed and took her hands in his, his thumb rubbing it soothingly. He needed her to calm. "I'm sticking around for a lot more than you think. I know you're going to get better; you won't be like this forever. I'll make sure of that, and as for you not being beautiful. You're the most beautiful woman to ever grace my life and I'll count my lucky stars for ever letting me have you."

He watched her smile a small grin. And he leant in and kissed her as passionately as he could without causing her pain.

"This is the beginning, Baby Doll."

Penelope lay there listening to Derek promise her a perfect future and she was truly believing it. She just had to get over her feelings of dread and worry.

"He never let me grieve." Penelope said silently as she looked up at the ceiling. "He stopped hitting me when we found out I was pregnant and I remember the day we found out it was a little girl, he played up the happy man and then that night he pushed me down the stairs. I lay there at the bottom and I could see him coming down and my stomach was hurting, but he just came down and turned me over, and I can still remember him slamming his foot into my stomach and leaving me there."

Derek's eyes began to water at Penelope's retelling.

"I started to bleed later that night; he dragged me from the bed and threw me into the bathroom, made me clean up and then I had to change the bedding and clean it as well. I was really ill, but he didn't take me to see a doctor. It wasn't even a week later that he started to hit me again." Penelope sniffed as the tears ran down her cheeks. "He's been forcing me to have sex with him ever since. I didn't even want to have sex with him, he'd just pin me down..." She bit her lip nervously. "What has he done to me?" She asked and looked at Derek. "I'm so scared nowadays, Handsome, I'm scared I'm always going to be like this."

Derek leant in; he needed her to talk this out. However weak she was, however tearful she got, she needed to talk it out. Tell someone what he'd put her through for all her time with him. He needed to know. All area's laid bare.

Plus he'd gotten his first nickname from her properly in over a year. The other day's use of nicknames had been her living without the threat of what Kevin had done. She'd been oblivious and safe with those memories.

"I feel like you're all going to leave me because I left you. I know you say you won't, but I'm scared that you're all going to see that I'm not worth the time or the effort. He made me feel like that. He made me feel like you didn't love me." Penelope sniffed again, her swollen eyes closing.

"I remember the rare times I got the chance to call you and you sounded so angry talking to me and you sounded so full of hate and you were so distant with me and I'd just sit there and trying to ask for help, but I felt you wouldn't care. You didn't sound like you cared. You'd usually pick up when I was lying over the phone, but you never did and then Kevin took the house phone away. I couldn't hear you talk to me like that anymore. I didn't want to hear you talk like that. I didn't want to know that I'd lost my best friend." The sobs began again. "I ruined my life Derek, I screwed up so bad."

"You might think that now, but you didn't." He told her calmly as he leant in and wiped the tears off her deepening bruised cheeks. "I was angry thinking you'd just drop me like that. I have a trust issue the best of time, I trusted you the most and you just walked away and that hurt and me being me, I kept the grudge. I'm sorry for making you feel like that."

Penelope looked at him with sad eyes. "I came to you the other night because I just needed to see you. I needed to see you even if for one last time, but you answered the door and your face turned hard and I saw this cold glare and I felt like I was being cut up. I just broke. I finally realised that it was you I wanted, like truly wanted, it finalised my feelings. I truly realised I'd made the biggest mistake ever."

"You got me now. I'll keep my Goddess safe until she's able to fight her own corners again, because you best believe it, Baby, you will be getting back to your true form, even if it kills me."

"God I've missed you." Penelope whispered tiredly as she felt his hand cup her cheek, she leant into it. "I've missed you so much."

"What about us?" JJ asked softly from the door and Penelope looked at her.

They watched Penelope burst into tears again. This time she was crying at the fear of rejection from them. She was too tired to handle the rushes of emotions, but she wanted to heal her bonds with her family. If she could still call them that without being a hypocrite.

JJ couldn't stay away anymore; she rushed in and gathered Penelope in a gentle hug. "I love you so much, Garcie." She whispered tearfully and Penelope relaxed some in her friend's grasp. She knew if it was JJ in this situation, she'd do the same. They were sisters through and through after all. "I can't lose another sister again."

That was a sure sign that Penelope was getting her family back slowly.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _A little light at the end of the tunnel... still a little bit of drama ahead... thing's come in three's apparently! This will be no different! _

_Wanna see the third thing?_


	10. Lose The Ability To Laugh

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_We now meet the time that updates might begin to thin out... it depends, I have to work, and soon I'll be back at University soon to start my second year of my degree, so I'll have to contend with that... hence why updates are and will be a little bit sporadic..._

_Bare with me though! You shall get updates whatever =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Please..." Came the desperate plea, "forgive me," continued the whimper.

The team looked up at the sleeping Penelope and saw her face contorted in absolute agony. The one of two kinds.

Each of them frozen.

They were going to leave soon. Penelope was settled peacefully, they felt okay to do so, but now, not now. They couldn't leave her alone when each word she spoke punctuated the air so delicately yet cut through them all like razor sharp blade.

"Please..." That one rang out like a sob and they all sparked to life as Penelope began to move and thrash out in her sleep. As they got closer the tears wetting her face became evident and they all knew they had to wake her up.

But as Derek went to grab her, the most heart breaking thing rang out, "NO! Kevin, don't, please, stop, just, please!" They then jumped as she screamed out in a higher pitch of agony.

Whimpering followed as she settled down a little. "I'm sorry, I won't try again." Penelope's head went sideways as though imitating a recreation of a slap, "I lied, I'm sorry, I-I won't try to leave." Everyone looked at one another, Emily and JJ near tears, the men's faces held a heroic distraught feeling. "No!"

That was it for Derek, he placed his hands either side of Penelope's head, he leant in, making himself close enough so that his smell would surround her. "Baby Girl," he spoke softly but sternly, "Baby Girl, I need you to wake up now. It's Derek, Baby, you're safe, Kevin's not coming near you again, you're okay. I just need you to open your eyes now."

Before her eyes fluttered open her mouth parted and she whispered the most heart rendering sentence. "He killed me." Derek closed his eyes in grief and as he opened them he saw Penelope looking up at him wide eyed, her breathing a little fast in its pace.

Her eyes flashed to the group surrounding her and she closed her eyes at the look they were giving her. None of them knew what to do, they all looked scared to touch, gave her the look of pity and that hurt more than she ever thought.

For months she believed she could survive that look, after all, she was getting her family back, but when the moment bit they couldn't hide what she'd left them with. JJ may have hugged her, and for Penelope that had never felt so right, but it didn't erase the worry. Penelope hadn't wanted to let go, she wanted to remain there, with her eyes closed, JJ holding her supportively, and forget about it all.

JJ's arms were another solace for her, another haven.

"PG," Emily finally spoke up in a calm voice, she'd been quiet, scared to say one thing that would trigger a new emotional mill, "you okay?"

Penelope nodded tearfully, she wasn't, she knew they knew she wasn't, but she couldn't for the life of her open up to them.

Rossi noticed her behaviour, "why are you still lying to us?" He asked forcefully, Penelope's eyes looked at him the best she could. He'd only ever used that voice once on her before and that was after Battle, when he demanded knowing what she was up too. "Just let us in and get over it!"

Derek stood up and turned to him, "she does not need this, Rossi, you can see she doesn't." He said squaring up to the man. "She's not strong enough to be pressurized, so back the hell off."

"Derek, she needs to realise we're here to help her, not hurt her!" Rossi said and Hotch stepped in.

"Now's not the time." Hotch said calmly, breaking the pair up. Hotch then turned back to Penelope, her bottom lip being bitten down on hard with pain. "What's wrong Penelope? Do you need a nurse?"

Penelope went to argue, but just groaned out loud, her head going backwards into the pillow. It left no room for her to answer herself, that noise did it for her. She whimpered, her whole world was just pain right now and for that she wanted to be lifeless.

Her head was pounding, more than it had, the pain was hurting her more than it had, it felt like her normal computer influenced migraine was multiplied to a magnified height. She cried out again and she felt someone grab one hand and squeeze it while the other was lifted gently and she felt the pressure of a syringe be put in her IV and moments later she was calming, the effects of the morphine hitting her blood stream and pumping around her system.

"You need to keep it down in here. No raised voices, no pressure. Penelope's too fragile for it." The nurse they knew as Stephanie told them, she turned her attention back to Penelope. "How you feeling now?"

"Like my headache's going to explode." Penelope told her truthfully, she closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "And my stomach's killing me."

"How do you mean?" Stephanie asked coolly.

"I feel like I've pulled the stitches."

Derek watched Penelope, he knew once, after she was shot, when she'd pulled her stitches and she'd been in quite intense pain, he dreaded to think what she was feeling now.

"Is that all?" Stephanie asked, knowing the look that Penelope had gotten. "What else?"

"My hands tingling."

"Which one?"

"My left one," she watched the nurse looked at the hand that was immobile, everyone watching. "It's like it's on fire at times."

"All I can do is get Dr Winter's down and he'll look at running some neurological tests, Penelope. By the looks of it, you're brains recovering and with it you're neurological receptors are strengthening again." She smiled at Penelope. "Right, I'm going to check your stomach over and sort that and then I want you getting some sleep, Penelope. You need your rest."

Again Penelope replied with a simple nod, the drugs now taking effect and numbing her, she felt the shift of the sheets and her hospital gown open and she looked at the ceiling as the air hit her wounds.

Then, instead of Derek, Emily took her hand and held it up to her chest, she leant in. "You're going to be fine, you hear me, PG," she told her, "I know you, once we get passed this you'll be fine."

"Em, I'm scared." Penelope whispered back, it was audible, if only just. "I just want to be me."

Emily's heart tightened in her chest. "You will. We love you enough to get you back." Emily told her, the words Penelope had spoken in her sleep – he killed me – rang out in her head. All they needed to do was prove to Penelope that she was alive, that they would get her back. "I promise you, you'll be Penelope Garcia before you know it."

"Thank you."

The team watched the little interaction and waited for the nurse to be done and leave before they all went back to their seats. All watching Penelope stare at the wall opposite her, her eyes getting heavy, yet not ready to close completely. Her face completely full of thought.

Penelope revelled in the silence. The sound of life around her now didn't scare her. It was something familiar.

Her senses were tingling with the impulses. She could smell Derek's cologne, he still wore the one she'd found him, the one she loved, she'd smelt it the night she'd turned up on his door. Her hand felt Emily's smooth skin; the touch was gentle and soothing. Her eyes could catch Rossi and Hotch sitting straight, acting like gargoyles, even with two officers outside. She would've laughed if she had had the energy; she was being protected now from Kevin. She could just see JJ sitting there tiredly watching on, Reid looking at her too, but his mind running a whole new list of facts.

There was nothing about loss here, there was nothing horrible and there wasn't anything that scared her.

"You deserve this." A voice broke the silence, Penelope's head jerked to look at the door. "He said you put him in here." Kevin's mother said angrily as she came in more. "My son is laid up in pain because you were having an affair."

Penelope properly laughed at that, it might have been weak, but it was near enough turning hysterical.

Kevin's mom looked at Derek, her eyes narrowing, her face reddening. "And you! You deserve locking up for what you did." Her attention turned to the still laughing Penelope; Derek didn't know where to go, to Penelope or Kevin's erratic mother. "My son put a roof over your head, gave you a family, loved you and now..."

"Look at me." Penelope said weakly from her bed, she couldn't do a lot more, however much she wanted to do. "Jane, how do you think I got here?"

"Kevin said you were in an accident. That he almost lost you."

"No..." Penelope said and sucked in a deep breath. "He did lose me."

"What do you mean? He told me he found out about your affair and you took off, he followed, but you were in a car accident. Then that bastard there went after him, blaming him for nearly killing you."

"Jane, I'm divorcing your son." Penelope said as a finalisation. "He put me here, he didn't love me." Jane went to argue with her. "Your son killed your granddaughter, did you know that?"

"Wha-what? You were pregnant?"

"Until Kevin ended it. He's been abusing me long before we were engaged. Your son deserved what he got and he deserves to rot in jail."

"But he won't." Jane said stammering to gather words; she didn't want to believe this.

Hotch cleared his throat. "The evidence is conclusive. Kevin will go to jail for life. He'll be done for murder and attempted murder." Jane's eyes widened. "I think it's best you go and see your son, Mrs Lynch. American law on murder includes that of unborn children. He has no chance of getting out of this."

"Penelope..."

Hotch could see Penelope wasn't up for more. "I think it's best to let Penelope rest, this is too much stress for her to handle right now." Hotch and Rossi escorted the woman back to Kevin's room, both wanting to see what mess Derek had really left him in.

"I want a divorce as soon as..." Penelope's small voice spoke up.

"You slow yourself first, Baby Girl." Derek told her gently, he wanted to smile at Penelope being free of Kevin completely. "Let's get you better first or I'll have to spank you double time when you're better."

"Now that makes me want to get better for sure, Sugar Shack, but..." her lips curled into a smile, "come here, Hot Stuff."

Derek didn't need telling twice, Penelope sounded more like herself than ever. "You need to sleep, you're nearly there."

"Come here." She said and again, her voice slipping with the encroaching sleep. Derek complied. "I want some chocolate..."

Derek chuckled, his lips so near hers, "I'll go get you some."

Penelope's hand reached up and pulled him down and she kissed him, it wasn't forceful, it wasn't as passionate, but it mixed up their chemistry again, sparked what Derek had started with his kiss. Penelope was using her strength as she had it, she was proving a point. "That chocolate you can't buy." She said and laughed as he pulled back stunned, a woman that was that drugged up and that in pain shouldn't be able to kiss like that.

He looked at Penelope and his life felt brighter, he had to laugh too and for the best reason ever.

Penelope hadn't lost her ability to laugh.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _She needs a break... it's too much heartbreak after all... _

_Wanna see the up and up now?_


	11. Doubts In Colours

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"I never liked my hair this colour." Penelope said as her and Derek sat in her room several nights later. She looked down from where she was staring and looked at Derek. "He made me dye it."

"Why though?" Derek asked her as he turned slightly in the chair.

"Hide the blood better." Penelope said as she moved slightly to get comfortable. "It worked, but I want to be blonde again."

"It's going to come through blonde you know." Derek told her and she nodded at him. "You gonna get some sleep?"

"Are you gonna go home?" She asked back and he chuckled a little. "That's what I thought." Penelope said playfully.

Earlier that night they'd argued because Derek wouldn't leave, she didn't want him to go, but she knew full well he needed a proper night sleep, not one on the hospital given excuse of a temporary bed.

Likewise, Derek had tried his hardest to get Penelope to sleep more. She was all for arguing against him though. She wasn't up for sleeping, just up for watching the world go by blissfully.

Derek didn't know that she'd just missed the calm of her life; he couldn't even begin to understand what sitting in a room, silently, with the team around her meant. To her it oozed life, to him it was on some terms normal and on others nail biting.

"You know what I've missed the most over all this time?" Penelope asked, her eyes resuming their spot on the ceiling. She didn't need to wait for a reply. "I miss colour. My life's been so black and white since I left and I never thought my life would be like that. No matter where I was, or the colour of the room I was in, I'd still see the beauty of things, but I lost it."

"Feel like it's coming back?"

"Slowly." Penelope admitted sadly. "It's all pretty much bland still. This is forever going to be a shadow over me." Penelope didn't acknowledge the tears, it was more a deliberate move, she'd started to do this, she began to just let herself cry the tears she needed to. It was too much energy to just stop or hold back.

She didn't see Derek move and capture her hand. He was the best support system she could ever think off, she didn't loathe any of his overprotective ways, she loved and idolised them. It was the first someone was out to look after her and make sure she was safe in the world. Something she'd wished for in a long time.

"God," she said as her good hand reached up and wiped her face. "I just want everything to be normal."

"It's gonna be, Baby Girl."

"Yeah in a couple of month's time." Penelope whispered a little and looked at him. "I don't want you to wait around for me, Handsome." Penelope watched him begin to argue with her. "Don't, Derek." She said to stop him so she could carry on. "I mean it. I'm not going to be the woman for you if I'm in and out of rehab because of a disability I got because of my ex husband." Penelope's tears strengthened. "We're not gaining time as it is, Handsome, we're losing it and..." She hiccupped into the air as she tried to calm herself. "Your family won't appreciate you taking on someone like me. I'm not the right woman for you. Not anymore."

"When did you think up this stuff?" Derek asked her flatly. He was slightly hurt, yet he saw the realism.

"Every waking moment." Penelope admitted lowly. "I'm scared of the future, Derek. I can't lie, I am. I listen to the nurses tell me what's ahead and it's going to be tiring and time consuming. You might love me, but that's not the love I want to infringe on you, I don't want you to feel like you need to help me, like you need to be by my side."

Derek stood and sat on the edge of the bed, he kept her hand in his, as his other hand wiped the tears away. "Why would I waste my time finding another woman like you when by the time I finally get her it'll be because I'm back with my ultimate?"

Penelope looked into Derek's eyes. She couldn't deny it, he was her best, he was her perfect match. With him she could laugh, joke, be tame, be rude, be angry, cry and never once feel like he was judging her or wanting her to change. She just didn't know that he felt exactly the same way about her.

"I have no intention of going back to doing what I spent years doing. I could've had you from day one, but I was a chicken and that's because you scare me Penelope. No word of a lie, you scare me and when you're hurt, when you're ill, even with a small tickle of a cough or a couple sneezes, I panic. Right now I'm panicking, I won't lie, but that's because I can't take you from what you're experiencing and make it better, but I will. Until my very last breath I will make it all better. I'll make you see that."

Penelope didn't need to respond, her tears came and with it Derek laid down on the bed and pulled Penelope's thin, weak and hurting frame into his arms. Her breath hitched occasionally with pains but she didn't make any moves to get away, she just snuggled down and finally began to sleep.

It was in Derek's arms that she felt completely safe. From both reality and her dreams.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

There was a new aroma when Penelope woke up. It was fresh and it was masking the hospital smells. It was a gorgeous smell, an unknown one, a familiar one, one that she hadn't smelt in a long time.

Her nose crinkled a little as she opened her eyes slowly.

In a blur of brightness she shut them again and opened then within blinks. Surveying the room more as her vision cleared she could work out Emily and JJ standing by the doorway, and she could hear, but not see, Derek.

She closed her eyes again, she wasn't ready to be awake, and from the way she felt she knew she'd obviously just been given her new dose of medication. She slipped back into her sleep wondering what the smell was.

"There any more to get?" Derek asked as he pushed the two women into room with a vase of flowers. "I think we need more daisies, sunflowers and maybe some of those gerbera's, she always did love them." Derek commented as he kept his hands on the glass swirly base of the vase looking over the sleeping Penelope.

He could see the ages of her bruises playing out. Most were not reaching the yellowing, brown stage, the end part of their life. Whilst others still stuck horridly vibrant on her skin. It was contrasting from one another. All showing the signs of recovery.

He was certain that once the bruising and swelling dispersed and left her skin to be its normal lily white colour she'd begin to feel better and the other's would see the light at the end of tunnel.

"You know she slept all night without any problems." He spoke quietly, as if Penelope would wake up any moment. "We were talking and she was telling me she didn't want to be with me because she felt like I was holding her back. I told her how it was and then I spent the whole night holding her in my arms."

Both Emily and JJ looked at his face; it was the most serene expression they'd seen from Derek in a long, long time.

"She didn't move all night, not even a twitch or anything. She was calm all night and it never felt more normal. I finally had her in a place I knew no one could hurt her and I wanted to keep her there. Even when I woke up this morning."

"Well..." JJ started and leant into Emily a little for help. "It definitely seems like you've finally sorted your head out."

"Seeing her that night helped, then it didn't and now it does. I just wished I'd killed him, you know?"

"You and us all." Emily commented and patted his shoulder. "But you my friend need to come help me."

"With?" Derek asked perplexed, the last thing he wanted was to leave Penelope.

"JJ's composed a list." Emily told him and they looked at JJ, who smiled at them and nodded. "We have us some shopping to do."

"For?" He questioned.

"For Penelope of course!" JJ said excitedly. "We thought you were best to go, you know her best after all." She winked and smiled even more. "I'm sticking here, and then when you get back, hopefully Pen will be waking up."

"You two have planned well."

"We've had a lot of late night chats lately. It happens when your sister's in a hospital bed this hurt." JJ confessed to him, there was no need for lies after all. "We've got a perfect plan to help pick Pen up, and we need your help to execute it."

"Okay I'm in." He told them, and Emily pulled him from the room and JJ took a seat, grabbing a book from the bedside table and settling down.

It didn't even take the pair to hours to come back and Emily's smile told JJ that it'd been a huge success.

"I'm gonna go to the loo." Derek said and left quickly, he seemed out of sorts.

"Okay, what did you do?" JJ asked putting the book away and getting up and going towards Emily and the bags.

"Me?" Emily asked completely innocent, "I wasn't the one that just brought the most amazing engagement ring of the century." Emily whispered and kept her attention on the bags.

"He didn't?" JJ asked slightly nervously, completely excited.

"Oh he did. I asked why and he told me it was because he wanted to be ready. Completely, one hundred percent ready." Emily responded with a smile, she looked at JJ. "He finally wants his big break with Penelope and he refuses to lose any more time apparently. Even if she's still married."

"Well that definitely isn't going to happen." JJ said as she took a blanket out of the bag. "This is perfect." She passed her judgement the moment she saw the colourful and soft blanket. "I'm gonna see if this is okay to put on her now."

Emily watched JJ leave before she proceeded to pull multiple teddies out of the bag. All had been mostly Derek's choices. Her idea to take him, to see how in tune he was with Penelope had worked and she loved it because it showed them one thing.

No one had lost their touch where Penelope was concerned.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

This time when Penelope opened her eyes the colour was more and she felt well snuggled under heavier sheeting. She groaned a little as she shift her weight uncomfortably slow. She knew it drew attention so she lay still, her breathing catching, her eyes shut while her comfort levels equalled out again.

She opened it when all was calm and saw Emily plop onto the bed while Derek stood at the foot of the bed next to JJ.

"Hey guys." She said raspy, it didn't take long for a response as JJ grabbed her a drink and she took it the liquid the moment the straw was pressed to her lips. "Thank you, Honey."

"No problem, Garcie." She told her as she put the cup down. "How you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Just could be a hell of a lot better."

"You're telling us, Baby Girl." He said and watched as Penelope surveyed the room, the best she could without her glasses.

"What have you done?" She asked a little choked. After needing to be sat up a little because of her head injury and subsequent surgery she had a perfect view of her room.

Everywhere around her were flowers, different sizes, types, colours. All blossomed and looking beautiful. She looked down and slowly brought her hand to touch the material, it was beyond anything she'd felt in a while and she loved it already. She then saw teddies and trinkets marking places.

"You wanted colour back, and so we thought we'd help you out. Get it kick started, PG." Emily told her, Derek had let them in on that aspect of Penelope's woes. He'd text both her and JJ asking for their help and she could see from Penelope's expression it was working a treat. "Right, we're going to get some food and some more members of this family, but we'll be back to see you."

"I'll still be here." Penelope told her jokingly and thanked both of them as they planted a kiss on their face. She then watched Derek approach her. "You gonna leave with them?"

"Nice wishful thinking." Derek said impressed with her use of the situation.

"You need a proper bed."

"I'll get a proper bed, when I get you in a proper bed that isn't in the confines of a sterilised building." He told her with a smile and she went to laugh a little. He leant down and kissed her on the lips, something he was beginning to love a lot. "You okay, Baby? You look like something's weighing heavy on you."

"It's just a dream." She told him and looked around her room again; loving it more and more with each passing glance.

"What was it about?" Derek probed.

Her eyes flashed up to look at him, a little emotional. "You. It was about you."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Wanna know the dream?_

_Hope you liked! _


	12. Ushering The Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **You wanted the dream, I'm giving you the dream...

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"_What can I do for you?" He asked her horridly cold and she faltered. Hearing his voice, the sense of safety ploughed through her._

"_I made a mistake." Penelope said dully, her voice had lost all life._

_Penelope watched Derek's eyes harden and she began to break down. _

_"Yeah, you're right. You picked him over me, over all of us." Derek spat at her angrily. He found a new lease of life, one that allowed all his withholding of emotions to come trailing out full pelt at her. "So yeah, you did make a mistake. You lost all of us."_

_Penelope's sight dropped to the floor. "I-I'm sorry." She spoke lowly, her voice quaking with new unshed tears._

_"So what? That makes it all okay? You come here and apologise and you think everything's going to be okay?"_

_"Please Handsome, hear me out ple..."_

_"Don't- you dare call me that again. You long ago gave up that right. You have no right to come back and think everything's gonna be normal."_

_"Please Derek..." She asked in pure desperation._

_"Just go back home to your husband and start spreading the Lynch name." He then went to shut the door._

_"No!" Penelope yelled with such a forceful plea that it stilled Derek. "I'm your Baby Girl..."_

_"Correction, you were my Baby Girl." Derek told her as he stepped back outside a little._

_Penelope felt her breathing hitch in her throat, was, that one little three letter word tore her heart from her aching chest and plunged to floor, she may as well have watched Derek stamp on it too._

"_You were replaceable." Derek told her regrettably, he was acting out of pure hurt, the hurt he'd worn so heavily since the day she left. He was out to make her hurt like he was hurting._

_Penelope's legs began to feel weaker then. Her pulse was racing, her head was spinning. He'd replaced her and she supposed she deserved that. _

_Penelope gave up entirely, she didn't want to hear his tone of voice any more or feel his deathly glare on her. She couldn't stand to see what she lost, what had become of the man she was in love with. The man she'd made him. So she picked her bag up and turned without another word, her tears falling freely and growing in strength. She walked away from him, his eyes watching her as she wrapped an arm around her aching body and slowly left._

_He bit his lip, he hated this. It was another unfinished goodbye. It was left with hurt and hate and it was worry he'd left it all too long to change it. He'd hurt her and he'd hurt her bad._

_Watching her, he saw there was something wrong, the bag, her hair, her posture, her cries. _

_He was too late, Kevin turned up. He began the walk down the path._

"_Penny, baby, what you doing? You should be at home." Kevin said as he grabbed her arms a little possessively. _

"_Please, Kevin, kill me." Derek heard Penelope beg directly at her husband. "Please."_

_His worry escalated, especially as he heard Kevin decline and Penelope tried to get away. "In the car, we're discussing this at home, not in front of him."_

_Derek's pace quickened and Penelope looked at the road. She plotted her escape and ran, Derek ran after her, he saw what she was doing and his heart near enough stopped as he saw the speeding car coming._

_Penelope saw it as her first bit of luck. This was it she thought. Yet as she stepped out in front of it, waiting for its impact to hit her body, someone pulled her back. She freely broke, so much so her legs collapsed under her. She was in the Derek's guarding arms, safe and protected and for once, she felt calm and at ease. _

"_C'mon Penny." Kevin demanded as he opened the car door for her._

"_No way." Derek spat out. "She's staying with me and if you dare try and stop me Kevin I'll make you pay." Derek said as he led Penelope towards his house. "I got you Baby Girl. It's all going to be okay." She heard him say as she began to phase out the world around her. _

"Please tell me I'm still your Baby Girl, Derek." Penelope cried with anguish and she was almost terrified of the response she was going to get.

"You'll always be my Baby Girl." He soothed to her. "You're irreplaceable as well. No other woman becomes my Baby Girl after you. It's a taken title."

"It hurt so bad." She admitted as Derek lay on the bed again, taking her in his arms once more and letting her cry into his chest. "I just want to stop hurting. I don't remember what it felt like to not hurt."

"It'll all stop soon, Pen." He soothed her gently, running a hand over her back. "It'll all be fine."

"My heart hurts so bad though." She croaked into his chest, they just lay there in the comfort of one another and basked in the other's existence. "I really did want to just die."

"And now?" Derek asked her warily.

"Now, not so much."

Derek's breath hitched a little. "You still want to?"

"I don't want to live with this mistake, Derek. I'm going to have to though. I failed on being me."

"No you didn't." He disregarded her a little.

"How can you say that?" Penelope sniffed.

"My mom always told me one thing, never a failure, always a lesson. That's what this is, for us all. It's a lesson on how to be a family, how to protect each other and it's ultimately what's gonna bring us all back together in the long run."

Penelope nodded a little bit at that. "Do you think he'd have hurt me if I hadn't lost the baby?"

"I don't know, P. I really don't know, Baby Girl." Derek admitted helplessly. "I'd like to say he wouldn't, but he wanted a boy not a girl."

"If she'd been a boy, what about then?" Penelope asked, completely regretting the question.

"Maybe, maybe not."

"What's happened before... I mean..."

"Don't think about that type of stuff Baby."

"No tell me..." She said forcefully, she wanted to know what people in that predicament did.

"They usually kill the mother's and take the baby." Penelope choked on another sob again; she was scared at that prospect. "I wished I'd gotten you out right away." Penelope nodded as she began to calm again. "I would've protected you if you'd just told me."

"I know." She admitted, because she did know. "I just didn't want to admit and accept that I'd chosen someone like that. Someone I promised myself I would never get with. I tried to get him to go off me, but he'd just hit and tell me if I told, he'd make my life not worth living."

"Well it is worth living. You've got something a lot of women lose when they get out of an abusive relationship."

"What's that?"

"Fire." He said and Penelope felt Derek kiss her forehead. "It's just burning away. You got away from him, you made it to mine, we got you out in the end. I know it was a close call, but you made the first steps and we ended it."

"I can't lose you." Penelope told him fearfully. "I really can't. I've never depended on someone so much and I don't want this to be this because you feel you need to do it."

"I want to it. This is where I've been waiting to be, Sugar. I've been waiting for the day to have my Baby Girl back in my arms. This is where you're meant to be. Nowhere else but here. You hear me?" She nodded. "Let me hear it..."

"This is where I'm supposed to be."

"Good girl." He said gently and soothed her into a sleep. His eyes keeping watch on the door for when the team turned up, but even he could fight the sleep the comfort was offering.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Is that ever going to wear thin?" JJ gushed rhetorically as she stood in the doorway just watching the sleeping the pair.

The entire team watched for a moment before going in and taking seats silently. They were not prepared to wake up Penelope's peace. Not when she was so calm and relaxed in her sleep. None of them knew exactly when this type of sleep would happen to Penelope so they didn't want to stop it.

"So what's the plan exactly?" Rossi asked as he stretched his leg out in front of him before putting on over the other.

"We were gonna do a chill out evening. No pressuring her to talk about Kevin, or make her feel like she needed to talk about it. Just something like, as if we were out." Emily commented as she put her head onto her elbow. Hotch taking the seat next to her.

They all looked up as Penelope near enough hiccupped awake. She just lay there, her eyes looking around in bewilderment, then closing to capture the moment of waking up too quickly.

Derek, as if on instinct, breathed in and began to wake up. His arms around Penelope tightened slightly and he kissed the top of her head before releasing and realising that they were not around.

"We got company, Baby." Derek said as he looked up and smiled.

"I know." Penelope said with her eyes still closed. "I'm just too tired." She whispered, she sounded as though she hadn't really slept.

"Well you sleep... anything you want us to get you?" Derek asked as he remained there. His eyes looked at the team as he spoke. "You name it, we'll get it."

"Some music... I miss it." Penelope said as she pushed her head more into his chest and she felt his arms stick around her.

"Anything else?" Derek asked her, near enough whispering in her ear.

"Ice cream."

Derek had to laugh, out of everything she could want, she wanted ice cream. He leant in and kissed her again. "Strawberry or mint choc chip?"

"Just strawberry for now." She replied, her voice slowly disappear.

"Okay, it'll be waiting for when you wake up." He didn't get a response that time and he didn't expect to. He just wanted her to sleep and he wasn't prepared to let her go, just yet.

"Well me and Reid will go for those." Hotch said as he stood back up.

"Can you grab my Ipod from my house for me, please?" Derek asked, "its got all her favourite music on it."

"Want us to bring some films back too?" Hotch asked him knowingly.

"Yeah, they're on the top of the shelves. Just pick any." Derek told him as he looked down at Penelope and then up to see the two men leave.

Emily and JJ gave him a smile and a wink. He knew he was doing the plan right. They were giving Penelope back everything she'd thought she'd lost forever.

For Derek, he was going to be doing the thing he loved and that was sharing time with Penelope.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _I want a Morgan to hug me while I sleep... anyone know where I can get me one? _

_Let me know though guys! =)_


	13. You've Still Got It

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Was gonna update yesterday but tiredness got the better of me! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek near enough ran the corridors of the hospital. He'd been parted from Penelope for the last 5 days and he'd hated every minute of it all. He knew his time off wouldn't be that long but he wasn't expecting it to end as quickly as it had.

He'd been pulled away, middle of the night, to go profile a case; said case took them to near enough to the other side of the country. He'd rushed it, he had to admit, he had make mistakes in his haste to get back.

He'd rung the hospital at every free moment, but he'd only gotten to talk to Penelope once and he'd remember it for life.

"_Hey Handsome." Penelope said down the phone. "Got myself a nice new room." She smiled as she heard him breathe in, in surprise. "I'm out of ICU, but still on quite a high watch."_

"_That's good news, Baby. Real good news." Derek said with a broad smile as he relaxed into his bed in his hotel. "My Baby Girl's getting better."_

"_I wouldn't say that." Penelope said told him tiredly. "Doc told me I've contracted pneumonia from the surgery to my lungs. It happens and I'm on antibiotics, but they're really strong, so I'm real tired."_

"_They're doing the job though right?" Derek said sitting up, his nerves tingling with worry._

_Penelope sighed. "This is why I knew it wasn't a good thing to tell you." Penelope admitted regretfully. "Yes, Hot Stuff, they're doing their job. They're just making me sleep all the time." Penelope said tiredly ad coughed hoarsely. "I did, however, get to nick Stephanie."_

"_Why's that?"_

"_She followed me; she's leading my care apparently well until you're home. Something about her knowing the entire situation at hand." Penelope told him casually. _

"_And so will I if I ever get back."_

"_Don't rush." Penelope advised him._

"_I will, I wanna be with you." That sentence almost sounded like a whine and Penelope laughed a little._

"_Be someone else's hero for the moment. I know mine is coming home, but just sometimes, others need a hero too and, sorry to say it but that's you, Sugar." Penelope told him and then he agreed and probed her for details on her health. She knew if she got within mere inches of a phone she'd get this. _

_She just repeated the doctor's words to him. That she'd contracted pneumonia from damaged tissue and was put on antibiotics, she got oxygen at night and sometimes during the day because of her breathing and she was more for sleeping than anything._

_What she didn't include was it was the loneliness she was sleeping from as well as the infection. She didn't want to admit to herself that she was alone, with only an officer on the door with Kevin in the same hospital. She couldn't deal with that thought. She, also, forgot to mention that she was having worse nightmares in amongst the good ones. _

_She knew they could wait, and she'd make them wait. Derek needed his head in the game and he wasn't going to do that if he was worrying about her every waking minute of the day, or at least more so than he already was._

"_I'm gonna make a prediction." Penelope whispered to him, she was getting exhausted, she knew it and Derek knew it. "You're gonna go to sleep now, and you're gonna get some rest and when you wake up, you're gonna go back to the profile and you're gonna know who it is. It's obvious, and if I know my Noir Hero, you're gonna become someone's hero for sure."_

"_That's some prediction, Sweet thing." Derek told her impressed as he relaxed some._

"_I know it is, but I still have a little Oracle of all knowing in me, Sugar Shack, and you best believe it, she'll be back in full swing someday soon." Penelope told him demandingly. _

_Derek laughed a little and he knew she was right. "Right, Baby Girl I want you to go rest up. I want you better."_

"_I'm not going anywhere." Penelope told him jokingly. "I'll get the new room number to you." _

"_I'll sort it, you sleep." Derek soothed down the phone and Penelope smiled. "I love you so much, Baby Girl."_

"_I love you too, Handsome, more than you'll ever know." Penelope said and after several more goodbyes she finally pulled the deadline away from her ear and hit the button for the nurse. _

"_How'd it go?" Stephanie asked as she came in._

"_He worried." Penelope said as Stephanie sorted the phone out and then helped Penelope get comfortable. "I'm just hoping I helped him out."_

"_I'm sure you did." She told Penelope with a smile. "Right, you're due all your meds so I'm gonna go grab them and you need to sleep."_

"_Sounds good right about now." Penelope admitted tiredly. She never thought speaking on a phone would be so exhausting but it was._

_It didn't take Penelope long to fall asleep, but when the dreams came they were all of Derek again. This time there was no hurt, she was dreaming about happier times with him, past, present and future. _

Derek rounded another corner and found what he was looking for. With a smile he went towards the officer and slipped into the room.

Penelope looked down from her spot on the ceiling and her face broadened into a big smile. Her eyes glistened with the new found happiness and surprise. She never knew he was coming home, he didn't even tell her they'd finished the case.

"Hey Baby Girl." He said as he approached her bed and bent down to kiss her slowly. "How you feeling?"

"Chesty." Her voice came out raspy, but she never lost her smile. "Better now." She told him and she watched his sit down. "I like this surprise."

"I have others." Derek told her and put the flowers up. "A girl can never have too many roses." He told her pointedly and Penelope pulled one of the roses out as he got up quickly and put them on the side.

He took his place back gently. "I, also, brought you this..." He said holding up a soft teddy, one of hippo and he eyes welled. "When we were getting your things we saw yours was gone."

Penelope reached up shakily and took the blue teddy. "How did you find this?"

"I have my ways... it's covered in my cologne." He watched as Penelope brought it up to her face and closed her eyes as she breathed in the scent of Derek. "You like?" He asked as she dropped it back down.

"I love it more like." Penelope told him adoringly. "This is perfect."

"I'm glad." He said and leant in, capturing her face before kissing her delicately. He frowned as he pulled away. "You're burning up, P."

Penelope knew she needed to ease his mind. "I've got a fever as a result of the pneumonia... I've got that, trouble breathing, chesty cough and a little bit of the shakes." She told him straight off. "There's no point hiding it from you, it's the truth, they're not as bad as they were."

"Sure?" He asked her, feeling a ball of resentment for now being there to help her out. To be with her as she suffered with this new hurdle.

"Would I lie?" Penelope asked him knowingly and he smiled and shook his head, looking down a little.

"Right I'm gonna go grab us a drink and find a toilet, but will you be okay?"

"If you bring me some fruit... my bowls empty."

Derek agreed to find some fruit, and he left her alone, thinking she was going to sleep. However, when he got back he saw what she was up to. Why she'd been so eager for him to leave so quickly after he'd just gotten there.

There in her left hand was a bright orange ball, her near enough paralysed hand squeezing and releasing around it.

"Baby?" Derek asked, not wanting it to be a mirage or some sick illusion. He went towards her and he saw her do it again and again and he near enough cried.

"Physio started and this is what I'm able to do. It's still weak, but..."

"It's a start to everything getting brighter." He intercepted and finished with pure adoration for her. "You do not know what this means for me to see, Penelope. This is brilliant; this makes everything so much better."

Penelope watched Derek's face. She never thought something like this, a simple movement, would create so much happiness in a man, evoke so much emotion. She felt herself well up at the sight. She had to love it, it showed her that Derek was true to his words, true to what he'd told her and for that, the future was a hell of a lot brighter than it ever was.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Later that night as Penelope watched Derek read a magazine, her brow furrowed. He thought she was sleeping and she had been.

"What's up Handsome?"

Derek's eyes flashed up first before his head moved. "Nothing, Baby Girl." He said learning forward. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Shouldn't you be ready to play pick up for the team at the airport?" Penelope asked with a cheesy grin. "I'm not trying to force you away, but I'm starving and they're bringing the best pizza in town with them, remember."

"That is true." Derek said as he grabbed her hand and he felt her grip it a little. The action still making him smile. "5 minutes and I'm going."

"Deal." Penelope told him with a slight smile and tilted her head. "What else is bugging you?"

Derek's free hand ran the course of his neck. "I don't know how to tell my mum about why I haven't called her."

"Derek..." Penelope groaned. "We've been over this for years. Under no circumstances, do you not ring her. I've met her, I know her, she's going to worry herself sick if you don't call her."

"Pen, she knows how angry I was after you left; she knows how much of that anger I still carried. I can't just ring her and tell her you're back."

"Why not?"

"It's not that simple when you say you hate the woman you love." Derek admitted his tone full of frustration and he ran both hands over his head. "It's hard. I don't want this to end."

Penelope stalled her tears. "It's not going to end."

"I'm scared it will."

"Handsome, it's not. Unless this is all a horribly beautiful dream then it won't." Penelope said with a cheery tone. "Trust me on this, just go and get the team and later you can phone your mom and go home to your own bed."

"Penelope..." He began as he tried his hardest to object.

"Food, phone call, bed... Baby Girl's orders." She told him and he knew he wouldn't win. "Now that same Baby Girl is starving and wanting to see people."

"I get the hint." Derek said, his tone told her he was feeling better. "You're right as always." He joked as he went over and gave her a kiss. "Better be here when I get back."

"I have nowhere else to go." She replied with a small smile. It wasn't far from the truth; she had nowhere else to go.

"You know where my house." He teased her.

"Just go and take that sweet toosh and bring me food. I'm not going anywhere." That got him to leave and immediately Penelope counted to ten and then called for a nurse to come in.

"Everything okay?"

"Can I borrow a phone?" Penelope asked and she saw the nurse's lips purse in a gentle pursuit to say no. "Please, I need to make an important call." Penelope watched as the nurse disappeared and came back with a cordless phone. "Thanks."

Penelope waited for the nurse to leave before she took in a deep breath and dialled the number she hadn't called for over a year. As Penelope lay there, she felt strange. She was ringing someone for Derek, as she lay with wires and tubes and healing bruises and cuts and she'd never felt so nervous in her life.

If there was one thing Fran Morgan had given her, it was a mother figure and she'd chosen to throw that away the same day she let Kevin rule her life.

"Hello." Fran's voice floated over the line and again Penelope did everything in her power to halt the tears.

"Hello, Mrs Morgan?"

"Yes, who's this?" Fran asked and Penelope could tell from the tone used that she knew who it was.

Taking a deep, shaky breath into her tight chest, Penelope spoke. "It's Penelope, but please do not put the phone down Fran, please."

"And why shouldn't I?"

"Because I'm ringing about Derek." Penelope replied honestly. "I think he needs you."

"Like he's needed you." Fran said down the line and she didn't do a thing to hide her hurt. "You know the day you left you took a lot more than yourself. You tore out a part of Derek, you destroyed him that day. So don't you dare ring me up and tell me my son needs me, because I know Penelope. I know a lot more than you do."

"I know you do." Penelope said and the tears fell. She felt like Derek's pain was being rubbed in her face again, as though watching it previously wasn't enough. "I'm sorry, Fran, I really am. I had my reasons..."

"And I'm sure someone that cares would love to hear them... I need to go."

"Please Fran." Penelope begged, the strain showing, making her cough, she knew she was going to have to guilt trip her. "I was being abused by Kevin, that's why I left."

"You got married to him..."

"For the wrong reasons and Fran, I'm paying for what I did. I'm married to a man that has tried to kill me twice; he killed my child and took away the most precious things to me. Derek really needs you; I can see it whenever he's here. He needs you and he's scared to ring you. He's scared to tell you he's let me back in, but I love your son, and I will do everything to keep him happy."

"Just having you back will do that, Penelope." Fran said, her voice visibly tear wrecked now. "Why didn't you just ask for help?"

"It was easier to hide." Penelope told her truthfully. "Derek's going to call you later; I just wanted you to know from me why he hasn't called. I'm sorry Fran, I really am." Penelope didn't get more than she put the phone down and cried.

Her fresh wounds were wide open again, made fresher than they already were.

But at that moment, she loved the feel of them.

They made her feel human again.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _It's gotta be rocky. With the good comes the bad and vice versa... _

_Lemme know as ever._


	14. The Urge To Push

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A/N: **_Right, I feel like this chapter seems to reflect my emotion at the moment... I'm not in a very happy mood and this came so easily to me! _

_Don't hate me for it! =P _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope was quiet as she lay with JJ and Emily around her. She hardly said a word, she hardly made movement and she hardly acknowledged reality. She just stared ahead, looking at absolutely nothing.

"Should we get someone?" JJ asked Emily worriedly. "I mean, this isn't normal."

"I'm fine." Penelope spoke softly and looked at JJ, their eyes connecting, the pair had hardly spoken since she'd been back, Derek had always been there or Penelope was sleeping off a new round of drugs. "I just..." she sucked in a raspy breath, the tears welling a little, "don't know what to say anymore."

JJ and Emily exchanged hurt looks before JJ spoke up. "What do you mean?"

"I had a good life." Penelope admitted and closed her eyes at the impending onslaught of tears that were lining up. "I was a Godmother, a best friend, a damn good tech and now... now I don't know what I am."

"You're still you..." Emily began.

"Am I?" Penelope asked Emily straight away. "Am I really a good role model for a child anymore? I'm not a good best friend if I chuck it for a man, I'm not a good human if I just drop what's important to me and I sure as hell am not a good tech anymore." Penelope began to get herself worked up.

It was as though she needed to apologise for her life to each and every single person, that she had to repent somehow for how her own world had quite shifted for the worst. Now it was JJ's and Emily's time to hear her beg for forgiveness. Reid and Derek had had their turns, Derek more so, but Penelope felt like just saying sorry wasn't enough. She felt she needed to prove it, she just had no idea how to that.

Penelope sucked in a difficult breath as the tears began. "I'm sorry just isn't enough anymore and I can't help but feel like I'm somehow forcing you all to be here." Penelope closed her eyes at the emotional pain. "Like because I have no one else now, that's it, you _have_ to be here. Like I left and now I'm back I require you be here for me because I don't." Penelope told them as her eyes snapped opened and looked at them.

Emily and JJ both went to speak but Penelope needed to stop them. She didn't want to them tell her otherwise.

"I survived months of him alone, more before it got worse. I can survive this alone." She told them truthfully. "So I want you to leave. I want you to get on with life and I want you to forget that I ever came back."

JJ blinked and a tear ran down her face, Emily just stared at her feeling like she'd just been sucker punched.

"I'm not going to drag you down and I'm not going to try and get a place back in your lives. It's not fair. I'm my own person; I knew how to say no, I knew how to walk away when it got bad. So I'm making my own decisions."

"Penelope, you can't just do that again..." Emily told her, her face carry a heavy, serious look.

"What's there to change?" Penelope blinked and looked at them. Fran's words knocking more out of her than she'd first anticipated. _You tore out a part of Derek, you destroyed him that day. _"I rang Derek's mom last night, to try and ease his pain and I was told that I killed him and I realised I did. I did that. Penelope Garcia the one person that never wanted to hurt anyone hurt someone the worst way possible. Who's to say I didn't do the same to you?"

"You did, but we can forgive you." Emily tried.

"What about forgetting? You're going to look at me and remember what I did, because I look at all of you and I only see what I did and it hurts. I can't just expect to jump back into life with you anymore. I lost my chance to do that. I gave that up."

JJ jumped up. "I can't believe how selfish you're being Penelope." She near enough shouted at Penelope . "After all of this, after we stick by your bedside and now, because you decide,** again**, you just chuck us to the side. I can forgive you, and to forget would be wrong because to forget makes none of this happen and it makes these last couple of weeks of having you back pointless." JJ then grabbed coat and bag. "Soon you're going to run out of chances with us and I hope you'll be happy then. I never expected Henry's Godmother to be this mean and this selfish and this... this nasty!" She then fled the room and Penelope watched the empty space in front of her.

"She's right." Penelope whispered and closed her eyes. "I'm not who I was. I'm never going to be that person." She looked down at her hands. "I don't want to live anymore. I don't see the point. Derek doesn't need me, he just thinks he does. What he needs is someone that's going to not break his heart."

Emily sat down on the bed, yet Penelope didn't look up. "He does need you though. I've not seen him this happy in a long time and that's just by having you back, Penelope. You just need to see that."

"Please, Emily, just leave and tell the others I don't want them here. I just don't want you to stop life because I got myself here."

"You did not get yourself here."

Penelope's head snapped up. "Look at me, Emily! I allowed Kevin to do this! Not you, not JJ, not ever Derek, but me! I let him hit me and I let him destroy me! So just leave me the hell alone!"

"Will you stop this Penelope?"

"Emily, please, I can't do it anymore. Every time I'm up, I'm brought back down again. I really wanted him to kill me. Every day I lived I hated, I didn't want to live anymore. I don't think I do now."

"What so us all going to your grave is better is it?" Penelope sobs were the only answer. "Yeah I didn't think so." She then got up and left Penelope in the room alone as she cried.

Penelope, for a brief moment, saw her own grave. She thought to Battle, the beginning of her life going downhill and her chest heaved. Life was perfect as it was, but after that it all went wrong completely and now it was just a never ending battle to want to wake up every time she closed her eyes.

The depressed feeling did nothing to keep her pains at bay. They were just exacerbated it all and as much as she wanted the pains to stop she felt she needed them. Laying there she wished she had a way of hurting herself more. Penelope looked up at the ceiling, thinking of ways to contemplate getting a higher level of pain.

Then, as though robotically, Penelope brought her hand up and began to rip the wires off of her. She didn't even know why she still had them; she didn't need them to read her levels of a broken heart. The oxygen tube got pulled out and then she sat up a little. She just pulled the chest tube out and bit down on her lip to stop the howl of pain; she looked at her IV next and ripped it from her hand.

It was as soon as she found a way to get off the bed she was stopped. Derek's hands grabbed her as she began to feel faint. Her head pounding, the healing incision mark to her head pulsating, her breathing a heavy heave and she just collapsed into his arms the moment she looked at his mom.

"Baby Girl," he said and he laid her back down, he saw her side then, he saw the amount of blood that was gathering all over and looked behind him. "Someone get the doctor!" He yelled and Hotch ran for a doctor, Fran coming into the room. "Penelope, why did you do this?" Penelope remained silently, her eyes staring, but she seemed to not be there at all mentally. "Penelope... I need you to tell me why you're acting like this?"

"I destroyed you." Penelope whispered almost inaudibly, but Derek heard it loud and clear. Her good hand grabbed his arm strongly, while the other latched on in the strongest grip it could do. She then began to push him away. "I'm always going to be sorry for what I did to you and I deserve all that I get, Derek." Her eyes flashed to look at him, and Derek could read every ounce of her hidden pain. "I don't – deserve – you." She told him and released her arms from him, her breathing still tight, her eyes still alive with pain. "I never did and I definitely don't anymore."

"Shh... Baby, you don't know what you're saying."

"Tell me you don't look at me and remember what I've put you through? I shouldn't have left that night, I should've stayed there, this might all be over now had I done that."

"Don't you dare say that!" Derek finally shouted at her. He'd been "You think it's easy for us to lose you? We've never felt so together since we got you back Penelope. So tell me why you don't deserve us?"

"I'm not good enough." She told him and she didn't even acknowledge the nurse checking her side out, nor she take any notice of the pain that was searing through her side.

"Why aren't you good enough?"

Penelope's headache began to get worse as her thoughts grew. "I was a nobody when you first met me, I don't get what made me so special for you to ever want me in your life."

"You're not a nobody, you're special to me because from the first time I saw you I wanted you in my life and I can vouch for everyone that they felt the same. Never underestimate yourself, Baby Girl."

"It's hard not to." She told him as her pain threshold broke and she just began to cry as every bit of numbness in her disbanded and left her alone to fight.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was only later that night when the doctor had tended to Penelope's self inflicted wounds and made her comfortable after a psych consult that Fran asked for permission to spend some time alone with Penelope.

The moment Penelope felt Fran's hand slide into hers she squeezed it. Lapping up the softness of the motherly touch.

"How you feeling Penelope?" Fran asked her gently, her tone of voice loving and delicate.

Penelope pulled the oxygen mask down and looked at the older woman. "I just want it all to stop, Fran." Penelope told her and blinked tiredly. "I'm so fed up of fighting all of this."

"All of what?"

"The pains, the sadness... I thought he loved me. I really thought he loved me and I stupidly believed him. It was just too late for me to realise that I really was in love with Derek." Penelope closed her eyes and successfully stopped all crying that was readying. "I was in too deep by the time I finally realised."

"It's never too late." Fran told her and leaned in a little bit. "You know there is a group of people outside waiting for you. They're waiting to come in here and look after you because at the end of the day that's what family do. I'm sorry for what I said on the phone, I was hurt at you just dropping out on all of our lives. Mine included. I lost a daughter that day Penelope and that hurt me badly."

"I didn't think of anyone..."

"But you are now and that's what matters. You're thinking so strongly of everyone else, you're forgetting about you, Penelope. You were tricked by a man you loved. The heart is a strange thing but ultimately it was strong enough to get you to go to Derek's, to get him to help you out." Fran told her with a small smile. "If you didn't know the right thing you wouldn't have left that house when you found the chance too. Kevin is getting what he deserves and so are you."

"I know. I deserve all this pain." Penelope spoke quietly.

"No," Fran began, "That's not what I meant, you deserve people that are going to protect you. That's what a family do. You just need to realise that sooner rather than later." Fran could see something in Penelope's eyes flickered, they all knew they were dealing with Penelope taken over with depression now, but they knew they could win.

They just needed to be prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions and the mood swings that Penelope would go through when she was at her lowest points.

"You know I'm right Penelope. Derek's your hero; you just need to say it more."

Penelope's hand quizzed the oxygen mask with anticipation. "He's always been my hero. That's why I love him."

Fran smiled, the love the pair shared for one another was glaringly obvious. "He loves you too." Fran just got up and kissed Penelope's forehead gently. "Get some sleep. I love you, Penelope. Just remember we all do." She told her and then went to the door and got Derek in first.

He did his usual, he got on the bed and took a restless Penelope in his arms and they all watched him place the oxygen mask back, make sure she was one hundred percent comfortable and cradled her as she finally feel asleep peacefully.

It was going to be a long recovery but they just needed one another to stay afloat.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _It's not going to be easy but there's gotta be some break soon! I promise it'll happen! _

_Let me know! =)_


	15. Do What's Natural

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope felt the smile grow on her lips as Derek sat on the edge of her bed with a bowl of ice cream. He was the only one that hadn't given up on her when she'd given up eating.

"You know I want you to eat, Baby, because then we can get you home." He told her as he ran the spoon around the bowl. He looked up at her and smirked a little. "I'm not going to walk away and I am not about to let you start to push me away with your 'I don't deserve it' crap."

Again Penelope's lips cracked a little, twitched at his efforts.

Derek kept her eye contact, he was told that was the best thing he could do. Keep her focused to him and he wasn't going to give up for anyone, nor would he for neither love nor money. Derek was on a mission and he would take whatever Penelope would come out with. However horrible it may become, he wouldn't take it personal, or to heart.

It'd been 3 days since Fran had arrived and 3 days since Penelope had pulled her stunt of trying to get out of the hospital. No one had spoke about it, about the amount of damage that Penelope had actually caused her as a direct result, about the extra pain she was in.

"I'm just not hungry."

"It'll help you sleep." He told her seriously and watched her raise an eyebrow at him. "You seem to forget I hold you while you sleep," again there was that slight, not sure of, grin on her lips, "so you'll know that I know how you sleep, Goddess and it ain't no sleeping beauty moments."

"Derek..." She rasped out sleepy, it seemed to be the only tone of voice she'd been able to muster in between the crying sessions.

"Close your eyes." Penelope survey Derek's expression as he spoke to her. "You trust me, Sweet Thing, you know you do." He watched Penelope's eyes close wordlessly.

He looked at the strawberry ice cream and dibbed his finger in it and then he pressed it to Penelope's eyes lips. He watched her eyes open up wide and she tried to get away from the touch.

"No, Baby Girl... eat it." Derek told her, he was in refusal to give up. "Just this and then I'll leave you be."

Penelope couldn't do a thing but take the ice cream from Derek's finger and the moment she did her stomach rumbled and she reached up weakly for the spoon.

"I've got it, Mamma." Derek told her and grabbed the spoon ready to feed her the melting ice cream. "Since you took so long, I might as well get a straw."

"Shut up, Hot Stuff and feed me the ice cream." Penelope breezed out and smirked at his expression. "I'm having an up moment." She proceeded to tell him and began to feel her eyes getting heavy. "Hurry up and feed me, I'm not gonna last long and you know it."

"I sure do, Baby, I sure do." Derek told her and began to feed her and watched, with enjoyment, as she finally ate. "Last one." He said as he got the last spoonful ready and he watched her take the food. "It's not proper, but it's a start that's for sure."

"That is, Handsome." Penelope said as she finally gave up all rights to her energy and dwindled. "I'm quite sleepy."

"Well you sleep, Baby Girl, and we'll try some other food later."

"Sounds good." She said as she finally relaxed against the pillow and watched him tidy up. It didn't take her long to fall asleep.

Fran was stood by the door the whole time, neither of the pair had realised. She stood with a hand to her chest the other crossed over her body and she had to smile.

"You're really good with her." She commented as she remained in her place.

Derek looked up, "How long you been there?"

"Long enough," Fran admitted and pushed off of the doorframe and went into the room. "You're good for her." She watched her son smile some at that. "No lie, you really are. You get her to do things and open up to things no one else can."

"I don't know what to say... it just works..."

"I'm not begrudging you that" Fran told her son as she put her hand on his shoulder. "Come outside, I want to talk about this. No one's really talking, but I need some answers. Real answers that is."

"You deserve them." Derek told her and went to Penelope and kissed her, he knew she wasn't exactly fully sleep just yet. "I'll be just outside if you need me, Pen." Penelope nodded a little, her eyes not opening. "I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered back, her voice slick with sleep already.

Derek then followed his mom outside, choosing a place so they could see directly in at Penelope sleeping in the light of the lamp on the wall.

"What you want to know?"

"I want to know why the hell she went with him, how it got this bad."

Derek looked at his mom; he didn't know how to say it without sounding like a failure. "She hid it well from all of us. She told me and Reid that about a year into her relationship with Lynch he began to hit her"

Fran clasped her hands together; she knew it wasn't going to get easier from here.

"She was scared of what he'd do if she didn't marry him and he kept apologising after hitting her. Telling her over and over again that he loved her. He lured her into a false sense of security and he manipulated her to believe he loved her." Derek looked at his mom. "Except it wasn't love, was it?"

"You can never be sure, Derek." Fran told her son and leant towards him.

Derek let the words sink in before continuing.

"A little while after they got married, Kevin got worse with the abuse, until one day he told her to leave work. She did it, she didn't argue, she told me she was scared again of what would happen to her if she disobeyed." Derek continued and looked at his hands. "That's when the phone calls and stuff started to slowly stop. The couple of calls I did get when she finally picked up or rang back I was angry for and she told me that she didn't want to hear my voice so angry and full of hate. She was ringing me to ask for help but she just couldn't do it."

Fran watched the turmoil in her son's features and as his hands ran over his head.

"He got her pregnant and the abuse stopped for a bit. He began to look after her. She said she thought she'd found her happy ending then, but then they found out it was a little girl. It didn't take him long to throw her down the stairs. He stamped on her stomach after that as she lay on the floor. She lost the baby later than night, but he didn't take her to hospital. The bastard made her clean herself up before making her clean the sheets of her own blood and then make the bed. He watched her do it all. Even when she became really ill, he expected the house to be spotless and the food cook."

"How spotless was the house that night?"

"Immaculate, the only damage was the damage that Kevin had caused when he'd done the last beating on her." Derek looked at his mom with so much fear. "I remember when I found her, she was covered in so much blood and she kept repetitively saying she was sorry, that she needed me to forgive her, that she made a mistake and she needed me to help her. It was like she needed me to forgive her so that she could know that her life didn't end on a bad note and then I just automatically forgot and with it I forgave. I realised she wasn't in any control to make the decisions of her life, he'd done that it all."

"Derek, you need to realise that she just needs to know she's forgiven and I know you've told her endlessly, but it's going to take a lot more to get it into her head. Especially after everything."

Derek nodded his head. "She died; she actually died on that kitchen floor with me and Hotch by her. I've never been so scared in my life since dad, Ma. I thought I'd lost her for good, that she hadn't just been alive and just ignorant."

"She's not dying, you do know that right? It's all about getting better, rather than the hurt that led to this." Fran looked at Penelope as she slept peacefully. "She's been through hell and she still thinks she deserve the punishment of pain to get rid of what she put you lot through." Fran told Derek. "That's why she pulled all the wires off of her, and the chest tube." Derek looked up; he knew his mom knew what she was talking about. "She wanted to flee, she wanted out and she was going to cause herself as much pain in the process as possible and she wouldn't care."

"It all scares me." Derek said and a tear dragged down her face. "I'm so used to seeing her smiling and teasing us and coming out with one liners that stick in our heads. I got too comfortable with her in my life and I lost sight of what was really happening."

"You weren't the only one. Your whole team and in a way Penelope did too." Fran saw her son realise she was speaking the truth. "Now, you do what you do and look after Penelope the best way you know too. That you didn't need to be told again, you're already looking after her really well."

"Thanks." Derek said shyly and his eyes elevated to watch Penelope across the hallway. "I always dreamt of having her back, but this was never how I saw it."

"That's because you never want to see the ones you love hurt. You love her that much you know that's how you're feeling."

Derek smiled a little, but as he continued to watch Penelope he saw her sleep getting restless again. "She's having a nightmare again." He pointed out and as Fran watched Penelope twitch a little in her sleep, her body becoming rigid before relaxing repetitively, Derek got up and walked into the room.

Derek got into the room and heard Penelope's mumbles and he knew not to touch her just yet, he didn't want to strengthen the nightmare.

"Baby Girl..." He called out softly as he got closer. "I want you listen to my voice, Pen, it's me, Princess, it's me, Derek." He had to wait for the jolts to stop before he did anything.

He might have found that his nights ended the same as they did every day, but then he found that he wanted nothing more than to have Penelope sleep curled up in his arms.

When she calmed down, he kicked his boots of and pulled her multicoloured blanket down before laying down next to her.

"I've got you, Penelope. No one else, but me. You're safe." He soothed as she reacted in her sleep to his touch and body and settled once more.

Derek kissed her forehead before getting completely comfortable. Fran just came in and pulled the blanket up and over her son and then took a seat.

The conversation was light, and silence was the biggest contributor of them all, but it worked so easily.

It was near enough absolute peace.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _You got this written as I get over an alcohol high... now I'm officially off to crash into my bed! Hallelujah! _

_Hope you enjoyed! _


	16. Telling Of The Future

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: **_No update because I got lazy before work and then had a film night last night... but here's your update =) _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope watched the door as it opened and JJ poked her head in with a big smile. "You want a little visitor?" She asked her friend and saw Penelope nod a little apprehensively as she pushed herself up. "Honey, Auntie P's in here." JJ said as she pushed the door open and looked down the corridor.

Penelope smiled a little as she watched Henry toddle in unsteadily and her eyes blurred a little.

"Come here, Henry, Auntie Penny needs to see you." The little boy listened and JJ picked him up and sat down with him on her lap on the edge of the bed.

"Hey little man," Penelope said and she smiled the best she could and put her hand out for the little boy, but he shied away, JJ tried to smile through the awkwardness. "JJ?"

"Yeah?"

"Take him home." Penelope whispered as she fell back against the pillows completely spent. "He's not comfortable here; don't make this hard on him."

"Or on you?" JJ asked lovingly, and Penelope finally broke. "Hang on, I'm gonna give him to Will and I'll be back." She stood up and put the little boy on her hip. "Going to say bye bye, for me?" Henry hid his face into JJ's chest. "Hey now, you're never like this for mommy, you're usually very talkative. Too talkative."

"Auntie P left." He mumbled into her chest.

JJ didn't look at Penelope. "She's back now."

"I want to go home, mommy." JJ looked down at Penelope in that moment and Penelope told her to go.

JJ left the room and found Will, "Take him, I wanna spend some time with Pen, but he doesn't."

"Everything okay?" Will asked taking his son.

"He just got shy and wanted to go, Penelope didn't respond well." JJ said sadly, but smiled. "I'm going to spend some time with her, or at least until Derek and Fran get here."

"Call, I'll pick you up." Will said and kissed JJ then looked at Henry. "Gonna give momma a kiss, buddy?" The little boy responded. "Give Pen my love." He said and left.

JJ watched her husband leaving and sighed, all the men had openly expressed how they would give their right arm to beat the crap out of Kevin Lynch. He was about to be discharged, and they were just glad he was finally going to get shoved into a jail cell. A place he could rot for all they cared.

JJ then turned and went back into Penelope's room and found her wiping her tears and just sat on the edge of the bed again, closer this time and passed her friend a tissue.

"I'm sorry." Penelope said tearfully, and JJ thought she was apologising for leaving again. "I just don't have a good handle on anything right now."

"It's understandable." JJ soothed lovingly.

"No it's not, I should be feeling better, JJ!" Penelope said in utter desperation. "I don't want to feel like this anymore! I don't want to feel so empty!" It was then the dams burst completely and her body shook with the cries. "I should be a mom now, JJ, but I'm not and all I have in me is this absolute longing." Penelope looked at JJ; this was their first real conversation since the beginning. "I'm crying because I'm jealous. I was going to have this little girl, I saw her, I felt her, and he took that. He took my baby and he gets to walk away from it."

"He's not walking away though, Penelope, he's going to be in a jail cell for the rest of his life."

"That doesn't make anything better! He deserves everything he put me through to be exacted on him!" Penelope said agitatedly and her breathing began to race. "He did this to me; he took me from my life! He changed me into a scared victim! I was never going to be this type of person! I wasn't a victim after I was shot, but he reduced to me to that, JJ. He made me lose you lot."

JJ caught Penelope then and hugged her as she cried, JJ crying herself at Penelope's outburst. It wasn't just full of depressed thoughts and sheer pain; it was all about loss, and heartbreak and anger. That fire that Derek had told Penelope she still had was well and truly burning brightly still.

"It's going to get better. I know Kevin took more of you than you think we know, but it won't be forever."

Penelope pulled back a little, and sniffed. "Is it bad the whole time I was getting married I was thinking of Derek and praying that you and Emily would've picked up on my reluctance to get ready?"

JJ felt the guilt build, she remembered the wedding day all too well, especially now. "I thought you were just getting cold feet." Penelope shook her head a little. "I'm sorry, Pen, I-I... I don't know what to say."

"Everything happens for a reason right?" Penelope asked and looked up from her hands as they tore up a tissue and looked at her friend. "I mean, I had to live through this for a purpose, right?"

"Right." JJ replied tearfully and covered Penelope's shaking hands with hers. "I've missed you, Garcie."

"I've missed you too, Jayje, more than you'll ever know possible."

JJ got off the bed, twisting so her hand remained on Penelope's and pulled the seat closer and sat down. "I've got all the time in the world to hear."

For once Penelope felt like talking to JJ wasn't struggle, another part of her life slotted in. Just like it had with Derek, Reid and Fran. Penelope closed her eyes to clear the impending tears that were lining up to descend.

"I used to think about the good times whenever he was coming at me. Try and put my head somewhere else, back in the past, anywhere but at what was coming." Penelope looked at her friend in the eyes. "One of those times was when I held Henry for the first time and then I was watching Derek hold him and... Christ, it was a couple of days after I'd lost my baby and I was tormenting myself with that and all I could think alongside it all was that I was going to die and none of you were going to know and I just wanted to see you one last time.

Just one last time before I truly gave up, JJ. I wanted to know for myself that everything was going okay, that life was good outside of that house and yet every time I tried, the end never came. It was never ending and the mental image of Derek holding your baby was killing me from the inside out. I wanted him to look at my daughter and think that and now..."

JJ's grip tightened as she shared her pain, as she saw the moment Derek held Henry for the first time.

"Jayje, I don't even think I can have children now." That was it, JJ got up and climbed onto the bed and just hugged her best friend for dear life.

She didn't even move when Penelope calmed almost an hour later, the pair just lay staring at the ceiling in pure, nearly unbroken silence.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"She's sleeping on her own." JJ said as she stood and stretched the kink out of her body from the chair. "She told me she's not been having nightmares as much, gotta be good right?" She asked as she went towards Derek and his mom.

"Has got to be... how is she today?"

"Really, really tearful. The slightest things are setting her off."JJ warned them, "I brought Henry in and I honestly didn't think Derek, but she's just so... I don't even know how to word it."

"It's okay, I know she's fragile where Henry's concerned, but she has wanted to see him, so maybe this is gonna help her."

"I hope so... right I'm going to go ring Will to come get me, want me to bring anything up?"

"No, I'm good."

"I could do with something tasty to drink, Sweetie." Penelope's voice rasped out and put her hand to her head, showing them she was brewing a headache. JJ knew it was a result of the mass crying she was doing earlier. Penelope's eyes set on Derek, then his mom and she smiled. "Hey Handsome." She said lazily as he came towards her and bent down and kissed her gently. "You're a definite good remedy for a hurt girl."

"I like to try everything for my baby girl." Derek told her and kissed her once more before pulling back. "How you feeling today?"

"Less pained physically, but I could readily cry on cue."

"You need to cry, then you cry, Baby, none of us are gonna mind." Derek said and it was as though his words broke a seal and the tears came. "It's better out than in."

"I know," Penelope sniffed, "I just don't want to be like this."

"You will stop; you just gotta take your time." Penelope smiled at how sure Derek was, it made her see the hope and she believed him. Her one true enforcer. "Want me to get JJ to get some food as well?" Penelope nodded a little and closed her eyes as Derek kissed her forehead and left the room hastily.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek ran down the corridor and just caught JJ, "sorry, can you get some fruit please?"

"Course, I can." JJ said with a smile as she pushed the button for the elevator. "I won't be long."

"I know..." Derek said but still hesitated to leave, his inner profiler took over and he looked at JJ's expression. "Everything okay?" JJ nodded, Derek didn't buy it. "No, it's not." He grabbed her arm and pulled her to some of the sitting. "What's up?"

"She just told me about some stuff."

Derek's eyebrow cocked a little and his arms crossed over his chest. "Oh yeah?"

"She used to think of us when Kevin..." She took a deep breath. "When Kevin used to come towards her, she used to think us and one think she kept thinking about a couple of days after losing the baby was you holding Henry when he was just born. She wanted someone to love her baby just like you looked when you held my baby."

"It will happen." Derek said and stood up. "Just go home to Will and Henry... you hear me?"

"I do, I'll be right back up though while I wait." JJ said as Derek began to walk back, he missed her sad regretful expression at not telling him the ultimate truth about Penelope.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

While Derek was gone Fran took the time to mother Penelope. She plumped her pillows, placed a hand to Penelope's face as she inspected her with her mothering eye and looked after Penelope.

"How you feeling really?"

"Achy, but apart from that I do just keep want to cry."

Fran surveyed Penelope more and frowned. "Something's bothering you."

"A lot's bothering me." Penelope feigned quietly. "JJ brought her son by, and it just hit me a little hard. He didn't want to know me, he was shy of me and that hurt even though I expected it."

"And it made you think about your little girl?"

"I should be bringing her up right now, but I'm not." Penelope said her tone tear choked.

"You'll get your chance, and you'll love your children even more than you would've before."

Penelope looked away and smiled a fake grin. "I guess you're right." She murmured as Derek walked in the room.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It hadn't been a day since Hotch had told Penelope her divorce was well and truly being processed and here she was with an engagement ring in her hand.

"I don't know what to say, Hot Stuff." Penelope whispered. "It's beautiful and I... I..."

"You don't have to say a word, Goddess." Derek said and smiled brightly. "It's to show you I am serious about life with you after all this. I'm not having you sink into anything for anyone."

Penelope just nodded and then stiffened at his next triad.

"I had a dream last night about you with our children." She could read the embarrassment on his face at telling her that so openly, Penelope's mind darkened. "It was so perfect and you..." He looked at her with glassy eyes. "You're so perfect with children and you looked so perfect as the mother of my children." He continued to look at her. "I can't wait."

"I bet." Penelope said and looked down at coloured blanket on her, her mind whizzing with dark thoughts. Her eyes ready to burst, her denial expanding.

"What's a matter?" Derek asked and Penelope shot him a look. She didn't answer, or make an attempt. "What have I said?"

"You want kids with me so badly don't you?" She whispered quietly; dread filling every inch of her.

"More than you'll ever know, Baby." Derek told her quite proudly and Penelope just ended up sobbing. "Baby, you're scaring me now."

Penelope sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "You want children with someone that might not be able to have them."

Derek's face loosened and it lost its expression, Penelope just watched his face and it killed her more. She just shoved the engagement ring back into his hand and put her hands to her face as she tried to forget about how his face changed its appearance from pure happiness and hope to regret and remorse.

Derek just reached up and pulled her hands away as quickly as he could without causing her pain. "I want you to listen to me now, Baby Girl, can you do that?" Penelope nodded at him. "Might makes it a very wide open chance. Might doesn't say never, might gives us hope, but whatever, I want you to know that we will have our own family in the future, Princess, a happy love filled family."

And just like Penelope saw the hope again.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _It's all rather wishy washy! Up, down, up, down!_

_What you think?_


	17. Raining Down

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: **_Right, only this update for tonight, I'm going for a REALLY early night because I'm really feeling ill... but I hope you like this! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope felt a cool hand run around her face and she opened her eyes to look into Fran's eyes, she watched the woman smile at her and placed a straw to her lips. Penelope just drank leisurely and took in the new day.

To say life was getting easier was a joke. Somehow, she didn't know want to know how exactly, Hotch had gotten Penelope divorced and it seemed the moment that the stress of the marriage was eliminated Penelope became sick.

Fran removed the straw and placed the drink down and turned her attention back to Penelope. With the team at work, Fran was more than willing to step in.

"You feeling any better today?" Fran asked her gently as she tried to work out from Penelope's restless expression.

Penelope thought for a moment, Fran hadn't really woken her up, because Penelope wasn't fully asleep, she was just urging the darkness to come in.

"I'm aching like hell again." Penelope spoke quietly, her voice a croak.

Fran frowned at that, she hated to see that Penelope wasn't have an easier time at all lately. The nightmares still haunted her, her injuries still hindered and now whatever she'd contracted was making her feel even more miserable than before. It was dragging her morale lower.

Penelope coughed harshly, it racking her body, forcing it to convulse. The doctor had said that it was more than likely the virus was brought in by anyone and had attacked her the most due to her lowered immune system.

She'd also been told that she'd get freedom of that sterile place in a couple of more weeks. She just had to build up strength in her leg, like she had her hand. However, now being struck down with an illness meant that the leaving date had to be pushed back.

"I want to get some more water in you before you sleep again." Fran told her and refilled the glass and repeated the process of offering Penelope a drink.

A tap on the opened door made Fran look immediately, whereas Penelope didn't rush. Penelope looked almost fearful at Kevin's mom and she proceeded to push herself up a little more alert. The movement making her realise her body wasn't up to such harsh movements and actions.

"I've come to tell you, Penelope, that even if you and my son are no longer married, I will still have you at mine to be looked after."

Penelope looked at Jane in complete disbelief. "No." She croaked again and looked at the woman as she entered the room.

"I am your mother and you'll do as I say."

"I'm not 12." Penelope bit back, her voice crackling with the strain.

Fran's frowned deepened, she didn't like Penelope getting worked up and she sure as hell did not appreciate how this woman was reprimanding Penelope. "To look after Penelope, you first have to get through me."

"And you might be?" Jane asked crossing her arms across her chest.

"Penelope's mother." Fran said and put the cup of water down roughly. "Now I'd like you leave my daughter the hell alone so she can get better without the stress."

Fran near enough exhaled a growl as Jane just took a seat and sat down. "Seems we're both fighting over our daughter."

"This isn't fair on Penelope." Fran said as she took Penelope's hand in his.

Jane smirked, Penelope saw a trait of Kevin's in it. "Well then, if you know what's best for Penelope you can leave."

Fran leant down to Penelope, "I'll be right back, you be okay?"

"Don't leave me. Please, Fran." Penelope said quietly, her tone of voice rushed and somewhat scared.

"I have a plan. Trust me." Penelope couldn't do much more than relent and nod. So she watched Fran disappear from the room without another word.

Jane stood up and went to the side of the bed. "I hate seeing you so unwell and hurt, Penelope. Kevin didn't mean any of this. He's just a little disciplined from childhood." Penelope closed her eyes; this woman's defence for her son was making her head hurt already. "He did it with the utmost love and devotion and he looked after you so well."

"I'm having a hard time believing that." Penelope replied and closed her eyes hoping that if she closed her eyes to sleep, then Jane might miraculously leave.

It didn't work.

"Well don't... Kevin's done nothing wrong here; he did what his father taught him to do. Us women need to be submissive and let the man rule the house. Answering back and doing what you so want is not good, it's not a sign of a good wife, Penelope, you need to know that."

Jane stood up and pulled a bag out of her handbag and started to gather Penelope's things, Penelope just watched her do so, trying to work out what she was doing.

"Now, I'm going to go and get a wheelchair."

"Why? What are we doing?" Penelope asked fearful and began to sit up. Jane merely put her hands on Penelope's shoulders and laid her back down.

"What we're going to do is get you home, and in bed, and when you're feeling better we'll go to the jail that Kevin's in and we'll get his forgiveness. Then we'll get your statement and give to the police and once Kevin's out we'll move away and start again."

"I'm not going."

"Now..." Jane went up into Penelope's face, "you're going to listen to me, Penelope. Do as I say and I'll make it worth it. We go easily and nothing bad happens, especially to that man you had an affair with."

"I'm not going." Penelope repeated, her breathing a wheeze.

Jane got up and left, telling a nurse Penelope was up. Coming back in with the nurse, Penelope didn't have time to refuse the drugs and watched in vain as morphine was put into her system.

"I'll be back with your other meds in a moment, Penelope." The nurse said and left the room.

Jane watched vigilantly and then left the room. Penelope looked around in a bid to find a way to get help. She felt the tears prick in her eyes as she remembered the day Kevin stabbed her, much like her son, Jane had put the remote to get the nurses on the floor and away from Penelope's wanting hands.

Penelope's head began to gain that groggy that feeling and she groaned both inwardly and outwardly. She was going to lose this, and the panic setting in did nothing to hide that fact.

Then she thought about Fran, she had a plan after all, she just had to keep faith in that.

Jane came in and put the wheelchair by the bed; she then put the brakes on and went to Penelope. Rolling the bed sheets away, throwing the colourful blanket to the side, as well as the hippo teddy that was in Penelope's grasp she proceeded to get Penelope up.

"Now... I don't have any clothes, so what I'll do is put a sheet over your legs until we get to the car." Jane said as she swung Penelope's legs off, ignoring her moans of discomfort and pain.

"Jane..." Penelope said slowly. "Don't do this."

"Not hearing it Penelope dear, you need proper looking after and only a mother can do that. Not a hospital." Penelope tried to resist the act that Jane was doing, she even struggled to get out of the woman's grasp as she pulled her to her feet.

Penelope's left leg wasn't strong enough and collapse, causing shooting pain up her healing, non moved, broken right leg. Cast or no cast, the pain was excruciating and Penelope was absolutely helpless.

"Jane, don't do this, please." Penelope groaned in pain.

"Penelope you'll listen to your mom now. I know how it feels to be in your place. I understand, I really do, and I know what's good for you." She told Penelope and put the blanket on Penelope's lap and then went check if the coast was clear. When it was she went back to Penelope and taking the brakes off and leading the wheelchair out of the room.

Penelope didn't realise much until the moment they got outside and heavy rain hit her face. It woke her up, brought her back to reality and within minutes she was drenched and shivering. All she wanted to know was when this nightmare might finally end.

"Nearly there." Jane guided as she continued to go towards her car as it sat far back in the car park. "I'm sorry it's not closer, Penelope, this was the closest I could get when I got here to see Kevin discharged."

"And arrested." Penelope said as she put her head down to shield it from the rain.

"Here we are. One step closer to getting you home and with Kevin." Jane said as she opened the old silver SUV's doors. She pulled one open of the doors and applied the brakes again. Penelope didn't have to wait long as Jane pulled her up, the pain in her tender ribs exploding, the stitches from the stabbing making their existence known, the morphine near enough blown from her bloodstream at the amount of the pain being kick started again.

"Jane!" Came Hotch's voice. "Stop what you're doing." He shouted out and Jane allowed Penelope to slump in the front seat, her body facing out of the vehicle, the rain still getting her.

Derek watched Penelope look at him, tears streaming, as he stood with the team and Fran. He wanted to get to her so bad, just grab her and run with her. He was grateful for his mom's intuition and gut telling her that she needed to get them as soon as possible.

"I need to get Penelope out of the rain. She needs to be laying down and comfortable." Jane said as she began to move the wheelchair towards them.

"Jane, let us get Penelope back inside and dried, she's ill, you can see that, she needs to be in a hospital."

"No, she's agreed to come back with me. To let her get her better and then we're going to see Kevin and get him out of jail and then we can get the divorce cancelled."

"Jane it's not going to happen like that and you know it." Rossi said as he took a step closer and pulled the visibly broken woman away from the car.

"I was protecting her like I needed it all those years ago!" Jane finally broke and Reid went to help get Jane back towards the hospital. "I never had a family to take me away from the hurt."

Derek's heart clenched, he couldn't imagine sending Penelope back into the arms of Kevin after this. He realised that daily and now as he near enough ran back towards her he saw it. "Baby Girl."

"D-Derek..." Penelope opened her eyes a little look at him as she sat shivering. "You're wet." She said sarcastically.

"So are you, Baby." He replied and pulled her out of the car and just started to walk with her, he didn't want her down in the wheelchair, he wanted her in his arms until she was save in the hospital. "Did she hurt you?"

"Not in-intentionally." Penelope's teeth chattered together as she weakly hung on. "You really are my n-noir hero you know that?"

"I like to try." Derek told her with a smile, and finally was grateful to get her inside. "You know I think that's all the Lynch treatment you deserve."

"His dad."

Jane overhearing the conversation went to go towards them. "He left." She told them heartbrokenly. "When he found out about Kevin, he ran, he didn't want to get into trouble."

Penelope did hear much more as Derek asked for a dry blanket and then, ignoring the help around, just went towards an elevator.

"I swear I am never letting you out of my sight, Baby Girl... ever." Derek joked lovingly as they stepped into the room, he didn't care that she was getting heavier in his arms, or that she was constantly shivering. "Every time I leave you, you get into trouble."

"T-Trouble follows me, H-Hot Stuff. Y-you should know t-that by now." Penelope said into chest and she put her hand to it so she could feel him laughing. "Plus y-you wet, you n-need dry clothes too." She continued as she looked at the clothes under her palm.

"Someone else can get them, Princess." Derek said as he watched the doors opened and he saw chaos around, Stephanie running towards them.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked worriedly taking in Penelope's wet look. "You know you're not allowed out of bed."

"It's not Penelope's fault." Derek defended.

"P-people like to k-kidnap me." She said in a small whisper, she had to smile at the concern she saw. "Can s-someone please g-give me s-some heat?" Penelope asked and she felt another sheet get added as she was taken to her room.

"Just sit her; we need to change the gown." Stephanie said as Derek held Penelope sitting up and they quickly got her changed and then Derek gently got her laying down, putting her legs out straight just in time for Fran to pick the colour blanket up and place on her as Derek pulled the starchy sheets up.

"How's that feel?"

"God's honest truth?" Penelope asked and got a nod back. "Painful." She told Derek and broke into a cough.

Derek proceeded to pull a seat up and sit on it, right by her. He took her hand and smiled at the look she was giving him. "Na uh, Baby Girl. I'd like to see Strauss come and pull me out of here and I'd like to see you try and push me."

"You don't play fair." Penelope said as she pulled the blanket up more and felt the warmth bubbling up in her.

"I know I don't and wherever you're concerned, Goddess, I won't." Derek said and kissed her hand. "Better get used to it."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _The psychotic gene was passed on it seems =P Wasn't a plan to go here and after conversing with Emzypmzy and Wordofwyrd this idea got the go ahead! _

_Let me know! =) _


	18. Mood Of The Moment

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: **_Oops! It's been a while!__ I hope this makes up for it! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

When Penelope woke up it was still dark outside, it'd been nearly a week since the whole kidnapping fiasco and she was slowly getting better.

To say that being outside in the pouring rain had helped had been an understatement, it'd made her worse and in the end she'd only felt more and more brought down.

She stretched and felt a tension pulling in the muscle of her left calf, automatically she just pulled her leg up so it was bent and then the realisation hit her. She was finally able to move it.

She put it back down straight and repeated the action only to see it do it again and the excitement began to grow in her.

She looked at Derek as he slept; she needed him to see this. She needed to prove to him that after weeks of immobility she was finally able move her foot.

She took one last look before she turned to Derek.

"Derek..." She whispered and realised that wasn't going to do a thing from her bed to his that lay against the wall. "Derek!" She said a little louder. "Hey Hot Stuff!" She said a little bit louder and she watched him shoot awake and looked at her immediately.

He jumped up and went to her, looking at his watch as he went. "What's a matter, Baby Girl? It's barely past 3 in the morning."

Penelope was tired, she knew it was early morning, but she wanted to show him. "Look..." She pointed to her leg. "It must've woken me up, because I did this..." She said and pulled her leg up, except this time it didn't move, it just stayed there, completely still. The helplessness grew as she continued to try, over and over again.

It was all in vain, there was no response hailed. It just stayed flat.

"Saw what?" Derek asked as he ran his hand over his face to try and get rid of the tiredness he had in him.

Penelope felt tricked and as easily as they loved to be lately, the tears sprang. She now felt guilty for waking him up and she now felt cheated by her own body.

Derek looked up from her legs to her face and watched the emotions display on Penelope's face, as each new one attack the one before and he knew something bad had happened. That something had happened, that wasn't now and his worry only grew.

"Baby Girl, it's all okay." He soothed, "There's nothing to worry about."

Penelope looked at him, her brown eyes glistening as her cheeks showed the tears. "I moved my leg, Derek, it moved. I finally moved it and now..." She choked on a sob. "Now I think I'm lying."

"Whoa, why would you think that, P?" He asked as he ran his hand around her face to wipe the tears.

"It's not moving." Penelope said as she put her hands on her head in frustration. "It moved, it really did."

Derek felt Penelope's pain, she'd been trying for days on end to move her leg, to get some response and now she had, it'd become dashed hopes. She wouldn't get near a discharge paper without being able to move that leg.

"I just want to go home." Penelope ended up sobbing and Derek did something he hadn't actually done the last couple of nights, he shared a bed with her. He pulled her into his arms and just held her. "I just want to be out of here."

He didn't say a word. Words were idle, words weren't a help, they weren't going to make this situation better.

He'd had to admit, after coming back to the same place for nearly a month he just wanted Penelope out and at home. She'd been cooped up for too long now and if he could he'd pay all the money in the world to just take her home with him, he would.

He wanted to show her what he'd done in the very, very minimal time he'd had spare. He wanted to show her that she had her own room, in purple; with things in it he knew she loved, things she'd been deprived of.

He wanted her to have everything in the world, things that would make her happier just to know that someone out there still knew the real her. He wanted her to be surrounded by objects and people that brought her back to her happiest.

He'd kitted out his spare room for her. The best bed he could find, one that would comfort her as she continued to heal completely, one that would protect her and make her sleep peacefully. He wanted her surrounded by trinkets and treasures and gems that would ultimately unlock the Penelope that was waiting to come back to them all.

He was out to restore her and he'd do it at all costs.

"It did move." She whispered in his chest, his t shirt wet from her crying, "it did." He listened to the evident frustration in her voice, the anger that flared at the inability to do simple movements. Her hand was still slow at reactions, but at least that was answering simple commands from the brain. "I woke you up for nothing."

"Hey now, you saw it, I believe you. I can wait to see it and believe me, I will see it soon." He ushered the concerns away and kissed her forehead gently. "You know you just gotta give it time and I know that's not what you wanna hear, but it's the truth, Baby Girl. That's the only way you're gonna get anywhere with this. Just take each new day as they come."

Penelope sniffed. "Thank you." She said to him and snuggled in closer, her body moulding to his perfect frame.

It didn't take long for him to feel her begin to get heavier against him; he knew there and then that she was fast asleep. He pulled the blanket up and over her move, tucking her in, before he followed suit and pulled her in more protectively in his grasp and closed her eyes.

The only thing that woke him up next was sunlight and lots of it as the new day broke.

He looked down at Penelope as she continued to sleep the sun highlighting her angelic healing features, the bruising nowhere near as harsh as it had been and he loved that the abuse was now nearly gone.

He got off the bed, making sure not to wake her in the process, to shut the blinds completely and pull the curtain across to get a darkened light filling the room again he got back on the bed and felt Penelope briefly awaken to get comfortable, but she was straight back asleep again within moments.

Derek didn't sleep for a bit, he just lay there enjoying Penelope being in his arms, enjoying having her close as he always did. He was enjoying what he wanted for the rest of his life.

The only thing that stopped him from finally sleeping again was the door opening and his mom stepping in. She looked over and smiled as he looked at her.

"Did I wake you?" Fran asked her son, and she watched him shake his head. She smiled as she put the bags she had down before grabbing a chair and sitting down as quietly as possible. "She okay?"

"We had a little moment about 3ish, she woke up and her leg moved, but when she woke me up to show me it wasn't doing it anymore and she got upset." He watched his mom nod knowingly.

"She'll get there."

Derek pressed a kiss into Penelope's hair, his only way of agreeing. "I could hurt that bastard all over again for everything he has done to her, mom. Kill him even, just for ever laying a finger on her, for even thinking of touching a hair on her head. She never deserves that treatment, ever."

Fran's eyes walked at that, at Derek's anger he still harboured over the events that had lead their lives together.

"I could kill him for ever making me doubt her in any way. All the time it's been about control and manipulation with him and we never noticed." He looked at his mom then intently. "I vow to never, ever do that to her. She's allowed a life, but God hear me out, it will be with me. Whatever happens I will be the man she grows old with."

"Better prove that, Hot Stuff." Penelope mumbled sleepily into his chest as she twisted a little. "I'm relying on you to help me grow old happily."

Derek laughed a little. "I could imagine you grey, Sweetness."

"And I can imagine you bald; I think you'll look sexy." She teased as she snuggled closer, Derek's laugh rumbling through his chest. "When have I got to wake up?"

"Whenever you're ready to."

Penelope nodded then, "I'll wake up when you're mom's here." Penelope whispered as the sleep picked up and she curled Derek's shirt into her closing fist, keeping a hold on him.

"She's here already, Princess, but you wake up when you're ready." He knew she hadn't heard him; she was breathing deeply, her body completely stilled now.

"You're good with her, you know that?" Fran told her son and he smiled. "You're exactly what she's spent this last year searching for. Someone that loves her for her. That's you, Honey, through and through that's you."

"I hope I'll always be it."

"You were from day one; it'll be like it until the last day." Fran said as she stood up and grabbed her purse. "We'll wake her up with breakfast."

"Sounds good." Derek said and he sat watching the door as his mom left, he then just listened to Penelope sleep. It was comforting to hear, it told him she was getting better, her breathing was completely unflawed, it was perfect and not struggled like he had once listened to it, painfully, be.

He then felt her move, she shifted onto her back more restlessly and then it happened.

Her leg pulled up to help her turn some.

Derek's whole body shook with pride, his baby was getting better for sure and that was all the proof he needed. If he was told she wasn't, he could vouch differently.

"Told ya it moved." Penelope murmured as she looked up at him with sleepy eyes, a little grin on her lips.

"Just had to do it in its own time, eh?" Penelope nodded at him and he pressed a kiss to her dry lips. "Bit like its owner."

"I won't take that as an insult." Penelope said and put her hand to his cheek before pulling him down to kiss him again gently. "Get me out of this place and I'll make it worth it."

"Promise?"

"Oh I promise to." She wagged an eyebrow at her. "I'm deadly serious, Handsome. Get me home."

"I'll see what I can do, but for now I'm gonna hold my favourite girl and wait for breakfast, then I'll go."

"Mmm, your favourite girl likes that plan." Penelope said as she straightened her leg and bent it slightly as she lay in Derek's arms. "She likes it a lot." She whispered as she stared down the bed.

"Good." She heard Derek say before he pressed his lips to her head gently and the silence fell.

Some moments just weren't meant for words.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Was it worth the wait? =)_


	19. The Truth Bounces

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: **_Sorry! I'm so bad! Lol Life's hectic, friend's are all moving off out to University, I've got my build up to starting on Monday, life really got in the way! _

_I'M SORRY YOU'VE HAD TO WAIT! __**AGAIN!**__ I'll find a REALLY good way to make it up to you guys! _

_I hope this chapter starts that make up for you! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek watched Penelope as he walked up the corridor as she put her left leg up and put her arms above her head. She looked bored and completely agitated laying there. He picked up his pace, and as he got closer he saw her move herself from one position to another and then back again and then she ended up slamming her hands down and huffing.

"Someone's not a happy Mamma this fine, beautiful morning."

"Well I wouldn't know, I can't go out and I can't open damn the curtains to see." Penelope said grumpily and then shifted her weight on the bed again. She resulted in near enough growling and running her hands over her face aggressively.

Derek smirked; Penelope was always cute when she was in a mood, that he hadn't forgotten. He sat down on the bed, making the dip pronounce and grabbed her hands. The smile never dropping.

"Seeing as you can now get up, how about we go outside?"

"I'm not allowed up much." She told him snappily. "Plus you exhausted me yesterday with your 'let's go gallivanting to really prove the physiotherapist I can do it' tirade."

"Aw, you know what I did was what you and you hard headedness were just gonna do anyway, Baby Girl." Derek told her quite rightly. "I'm going to ask a nurse about taking you out to the hospital garden. We'll get you some sunlight at last."

He saw Penelope's face soften towards him and he leant in and ran his hand around her face as though inspecting it. "You didn't sleep very well did you?"

She shrugged.

"What kept you up?" He asked her worriedly.

"Not too sure really, some nightmare, then every noise going."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I thought you were breaking me out?" Penelope responded to his question with a question. "I wanna break out of these walls, Handsome. Can you do that for me?" She tilted her head at him. "Please."

Derek pulled a face; she was getting pushier with each passing day. A sure sign Penelope was bouncing back.

"Look, I was hulled up in that house, I'm hulled up in here and all I want to do is feel some outdoor's air without it being down to escaping or a kidnapping." She joked lightly. "I just want to feel the sun."

"Let me see what I can arrange." He said and gave her a kiss before leaving the room quickly.

Penelope lay there, she needed some proper air, she'd woken up from yet another nightmare and ever since she was itching for real air, not some air conditioned machine given air that wafted around. She was suffocating inside; she needed to feel the liberating freedom that would come with fresh air.

"You carriage awaits, m'lady!" Derek said as he came into the room with a wheelchair. "This is the finest, state of the art pretty lady mobile this place had to offer."

Penelope had to laugh. She loved Derek for always trying. He was always a step ahead without knowing.

"Sunshine will be yours, Baby Girl." He told he and the immediate reaction was Penelope pushing herself up and swinging her legs off of the bed. "You don't slow your roll do you woman?"

"You know me, Sweet Cheeks, when I'm eager, oh boy, am I eager."

"Yeah don't I know it?" Derek commented as he helped her, her left leg finally able to weakly stand the weight of her entire body. "How are the ribs?"

"Eased somewhat, I actually am starting to feel painless at last. Just hits me occasionally." Penelope told him as he helped her the best he could and she was sat down. Again Derek made sure she was comfortable. "I think it's your tracksuit bottoms." She teased as he stood up, planting a kiss as he went.

"Well just think until the girls get PJ's bought that's your bedding attire."

"I like it," Penelope admitted, "It's roomy and comfortable."

Derek smiled, he liked that Penelope was the exact perfect size for his trousers, when he'd helped her with them, it's been a struggle with her leg still in a cast but once they were passed that, they were fine.

Now Derek was out to make Penelope happier.

"So, this nightmare..." He started; he wanted to know what had woke her up.

"Can we talk about this in a minute?" Penelope deflected the question and rubbed her brow with her hand.

"Course." He answered her simply and continued to go towards the elevator to get her outside as quickly as possible.

Penelope waited and could see the door and she could see the sun beaming and her anticipation and want only grew.

"Ready?" He asked as they got closer.

"More than ready." Penelope said as the door's swung open and Derek pushed her out into the heated light and she closed her eyes to feel of it on her skin.

Derek took her to one of the corners and put the wheelchair facing the sun and sat on the bench next to it and sat basking in the sun with her. He looked down at her as she sat with her a calm look on her face, her eyes closed, her lips parted, her breathing regulated and somewhat slow.

He watched the light dance across her face, the bruises just yellowing patches as they entered their final stage of life. Soon all physical signs of the abuse would be gone, it was just the emotional and mental side to deal with, but as a team they seemed to be battling it successfully.

"I dreamt about him beating me again." Penelope said after a few more moments of calm silence, she didn't open her eyes, she just remained with the same serene look on her face. "Except I was watching me getting beaten from the outside. I was looking in through the window and even though I was banging on the window, he didn't stop. I couldn't stop him abusing me."

She finally opened her eyes as Derek leaned in closer, his support once again magnifying. For once Penelope captured and held Derek's eye contact.

"I don't know how I managed to get back up after what he did to me, Handsome, but I realised that something in me kept me fighting." She shrugged and looked at her hands before looking back up. "I guess I knew that one day he'd have to slip up and leave a lock open. I don't know, but I thank the lord for finally letting me get out."

"How did you get out?" Derek asked.

Penelope looked back at him intently. "He was way too drunk to function other than to hit me that night, he left the door open, I just got up, went and grabbed the bag I'd hidden and finished shoving clothes in and I walked out of that hell hole and got a cab."

"When he came to mine, and took you home, what did he do?"

Penelope shivered a little, it wasn't because she was cold, the sun was out, it was summer, it was hot. "He... well, he shouted a lot, swung his arms like some great ape, just swore a lot, told me what I did was disobedient and embarrassing to him." Penelope told him truthfully "He slammed my head into the window when we finally got home and dragged me inside. I don't remember much, just the next thing I knew you were there and then it got really hard to just hold onto my grip on anything."

Penelope sat with wide eyes then.

"I seriously thought that was it, Derek, that I'd only just gotten you back to lose you. I could feel you and Hotch with me, but I just couldn't keep strong anymore. Everything toppled, I finally lost my grip and I just wanted to close my eyes and allow someone else to live for me."

"You sure did that. I've never been that terrified in my life." Derek admitted and took her hand. "I had this imagine of officially losing you. Not just from the job or as my Baby Girl, but from the entire world as well. I've never felt that scared in my life, and I refused to just give up. I just remember giving you CPR, not stopping, just continually making Hotch continue when he'd told me it'd been too long.

I had you right in front of me, after too long, I had you in front of me and I was not prepared to let Lynch take you from me all over. I wasn't about to let him win. I wasn't going to give up on you any longer. I needed the truth and I needed my Baby Girl and I would've given my own life to have you alive and safe and then... you breathed."

Penelope looked at Derek's face then, saw how lightened his eyes were at telling her and she just swapped it, she grabbed his hand in hers. Took her turn to look after him.

"I do keep having dreams where none of this real and I'm finding out too late and I've lost you. Or that I did kill Lynch in that alley, and I get back to the hospital and find out that you died from him stabbing you and I realise each and every time that I can't survive without you because you're the one woman that knows me, that allows me to be me and that scares me as well."

"There's a lot that scares you, Handsome, but can I just rest assure you're gorgeous mind that I'm not going nowhere?" Penelope asked him and leant in, she cupped his cheek with her other hand drew him in. "I'm gonna get better and I'm going to wear that engagement ring and I'm finally going to choose the right path. Not the easy one, not the mistake. Never again, I had to learn the hard way and boy will I remember this for a lifetime, but just having you with me, I don't feel completely drowned by it."

She then kissed him, greedily, heavily, passionately and she put her all into that one kiss. Her grouchiness going immediately from her body. Pulling apart they looked at one another.

"Well seems a bit of vitamin D was all my baby needed."

"Hmm, nothing beats the heat. God I've missed it so much." Penelope told him. "But nowhere near as much as I've missed you, Handsome. I think it was all the good memories I had with you that kept me sane. That helped me shut off."

"Shall I give you another, new good memory?"

"Go for it." She said with a broad smile.

"If we go upstairs soon, say..." he looked at his watch, "in about 10 minutes, they're going to cut you out of that cast."

"It's too early." Penelope told him straight away.

"You don't argue with doctor's request." Derek told her teasingly. "They want to check it over, and then there's talk of getting you home by this time next week."

"What are we waiting around for?" Penelope asked him excitedly. "As soon as I'm out of this place I can dream about being Mrs Morgan."

"Can't you do that in here?"

"Oh, my hunk of burning love, it's too clean in there for any of the good dreams I have about you."

"You, woman, are lethal." He then leant down over her shoulder. "But I wouldn't change you for anything."

He then took her back in, her persona happier, cheerier, more Penelope-Garcia-esque.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Making our way properly towards a HEA! =)_

_Want more now? I'll try and be quicker! _


	20. Slow And Steady

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: I know it's been a while but literally... life... it just gets in the way! Not sure how updates are gonna be from here on out to be honest... I start back at Uni tomorrow, work on days I'm not in, so we'll see =) **

**Just a little heads up! **

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope stood in the room, her eyes crying silent tears as she held the doorframe to keep her up.

There in front of her was this huge bed, a bed she couldn't wait to lay in, one that was covered in purple flowery beddings, a darker purple throw and all the type of pillows, and luxuries, she'd been missing so much.

Either side were purple lamps, ones that stood out against the cream walls, a flower pattern in the shades and surrounding them were little trinkets and gems and other things she'd look at and smile about.

"What do you think?" Derek said as he put a hand onto the side of her hip to keep her upright. "You like it, Baby Girl?"

Penelope put her head down as her eyes caught a glimpse of all the photo's on one of the walls and tried to suppress a sob. "It's beautiful." She mastered and Derek straight away got in front of her and lifted her head up to look at him. "Thank you."

"Oh, Baby, I didn't want you to cry."

"Happy tears." She deflected his worry some.

"Not entirely." Derek told her and she looked up at him and he knew he'd guessed right. "What's up?"

Penelope looked up, her big brown eyes releasing tear after tear. "I never thought I'd see anything like this again, that's all." Her sobs got more heart wrenching as she realised it was the truth. "Sorry," she said wiping a tear. "I- I- I can't get used to this feeling."

"What feeling, Princess?" Derek asked tentatively.

"Like someone loves me with their entire heart."

"That's because someone does love you with their entire heart." Derek proceeded to tell her truthfully. "Now let's get you in bed. Doctor wants you to rest up as much as possible and I'm not going to let you go against those rules."

Penelope didn't argue she allowed him to help her to the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed as he took her shoe off her left shoe and then looked up at her.

"You okay?" He asked her as he grabbed a brand new pair of pyjamas from under the pillow and Penelope struggled to choke a sob from him. "Oh come on Pen, I really don't want you to cry over this."

Penelope knew it was stupid to cry, but she was more than a little overwhelmed with all of this and she was having an even bigger struggle to handle it all. She had Derek responding to her every move and breath. She didn't mind, she just felt like a stranger to the type of care, even after 5 weeks of constant love and family.

There was one thought that stuck in her head, and that was that she'd made herself believe that she'd never ever get the chance to make her mistakes right. That she'd die in that house at the hands of Kevin, or at the plan she had made if that one last attempt had failed. If Derek hadn't come for her afterwards.

Penelope had thought of ways out, ways that would make the pain end, ways that would mean that if push came to shove she would have come out winner, if ultimately she was loser to the rest of the world.

Derek watched Penelope's eyes go blank, the emotions readable, the tears dropping. He knew her head space wasn't a good place for her, but there wasn't much he could do to keep her out of it. It was the only place he couldn't keep her safe and it was the only place that scared him.

Slowly he raised his hand so the palm was pushed to her face and he cupped her cheek gently. He raised his crouch so he was closer to her, his other hand merely grasping hers.

"I know what Kevin did took a lot from you Penelope, but I promised I would give it back to you, and I will stick by that promise. I will make you the person you miss being." He told her delicately and with so much conviction that Penelope forgot her thoughts and looked into Derek's eyes. "I love you too much to allow a weasel like Lynch to win. You got out; you kept up the fight when it physically shouldn't have happened.

You know, because you've heard it from the doctor and from Reid as well, that you shouldn't have made it out of that house. You shouldn't have been able to live to tell the tale, but you did. And do you know what that shows me?"

"What?" Penelope whispered softly.

"It tells me the one thing that I always knew. You never, ever mess with Miss Penelope Garcia, ever." Derek told her and Penelope couldn't help but smile, he told her that before, when she wanted to rip an Unsub limb from limb for getting all up in her internet turf. "I remember every single moment I had with you Penelope. Memories don't dissolve, Baby, they stick in firmer when you lose the person they were made with. You were a fighter then and I would rather give my life than believe you gave up that fighting spirit."

"I just feel like I have." Penelope told him truthfully.

Derek now grabbed both of her hands with his. "Look around you Penelope; you made it out of there, Baby Girl. Okay, so you have a bad day, like today, but look what we got up to last week, we mourned the cast getting cut off your leg, and then we sat out in the sun and just laughed about nothing the following day, if you'd lost your fight then why did you do that? It wasn't forced, it wasn't even hard for you to do, you just did it, because you know that deep inside, Penelope Garcia never let Kevin Lynch kill her and she never would've have."

"I think you're in the wrong business, Handsome."

"Being a big bad agent and boosting up my Baby Girl's beliefs are two totally different things, Sweet Thing, and you best never forget either. I will always be the advocate to boost you up when you're down. You just need to look at this." Derek said and pulled at the chain on her neck to show her the ring. "Now who won?"

"I did." Penelope replied somewhat embarrassed.

"Who did?" He asked her again, encouraging her more if anything.

"I did." She said a little louder.

Derek now smiled at her. "Now c'mon, Gorgeous, PJ's and sleep, I don't want you worn out before you've had chance to build up any strength." He winked at her and Penelope felt order restore once again within her. "You just need to realise that whatever he did to you, there'll be a bigger love coming your way to outweigh it."

"Is that so?" Penelope quipped as she stood up gingerly to slip his tracksuit bottoms off.

Derek helped her, not wanting her to exert herself too much. "It is, Baby, I know that whatever love he had to offer, it'll never, ever, ever amount to what I have to give. I've waited 7 years for this chance, Princess, and I am not going to waste another breath sitting back waiting for the right moment."

"Right moments never come, Hot Stuff." Penelope said as Derek pulled the soft material of the bottoms up her legs and helped her sit down gently.

"That's right, Sugar, we could wait until our death beds for that moment. What we have is the here and now, tomorrow never comes, because today always takes it place. So I took the first chance I got and showed you what I mean when I say I love you."

"It's all down to this." Penelope replied sweetly as her fingers fiddled with the ring on the chain.

"You got it in one, P." He told her and grabbed the top. "Girls thought a vest top would be easier on your sides."

"They think of it all." Penelope said, her voice tearful again, her thoughts all about her family rather than the year of hell that she was moving on from. "Urgh... Garcie won't cry!" Penelope said as she calmed herself. "Just gotta re-programme myself, right?"

"Something like that, Silly Girl." Derek said with a smile and proceeded to get her fully changed. "You can take something for the pain in, about, 2 hours, not before."

"That's fine. I can cope." Penelope told him and finally got the experience the wonders of the bed. "How much did this set you back?"

"That's none of your business."

"I'll just look when I'm your wife." Penelope teased as comfort surrounded her, and Derek pulled the quilt up fully over her.

Derek chuckled, "Well that's a wife's prerogative, but until that day, you don't need to know. All you need to do is lie back, relax and recover properly."

"With a nurse like you, Stud, a girl will hurry to get better."

"Take your time. This _doctor _can wait." Derek told her as he kissed her lips delicately, covering her laughter quickly. When Penelope showed him she wanted more, he kissed her more. Pulling away he couldn't help but smile. "You get too greedy for those sometimes."

"Being over given kisses is a highly healthy act I'll have you know." Penelope joked knowingly as she Derek lingered above her. "One that will _never, ever_ get old." She told him in the same tone of voice he'd been using on her to reaffirm what was right in her world.

"Well then, I'll keep the supply up high."

"You learn fast." Penelope said as Derek finally stood and went and closed the curtains, he turned back to her.

"How's that?"

"Absolutely perfect." She said as she snuggled into the bed and quilts more and closed her eyes.

Derek smiled at seeing Penelope in that bed. She wasn't in a hospital gown, or covered in wires, or had tubes twisting out of her, or had the reliance on an IV for the medication that would take away the aches and pains. Penelope was now in a place that aimed to restore her love of colour, allow her to see the colour in the world, to take away the blandness that had occupied her world for far too long.

She was finally home.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _This chapter comes as a result of illness! Another one! Lol _

_Hope you liked!_

**One last thing:**

Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.


	21. What You Need

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

When Penelope woke up the next morning it was to whispers. She had no idea who it was until she opened hers and look to the end of the bed.

Jack Hotchner looked at her beamed at her brightly. "Morning Aunt Penny." He said politely. "Me and Henry just wanted a hug."

Penelope pushed herself up a little. "Are you allowed up here boys?" She asked and yawned.

Jack shrugged and Henry watched him before copying.

Penelope had to smile. She couldn't say no. "You okay to get up on the bed or do you need help?" She ask them and Jack wordlessly pushed Henry to one side of the bed.

Penelope instinctively pulled the little boy up, forgetting about her healing injuries. She loosened her grip on Henry just as he was safely on the bed, luckily she didn't need to help Jack, he got on quickly and pulled Penelope down.

"I heard Daddy and Dewek talking, you need rest, Auntie Penny." Jack told Penelope and watched as Henry snuggled into Penelope's side, Jack then soon followed.

"Jackers?" Penelope asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Pull the blanket up, I don't want you and my lil' man here getting cold." Penelope told him as both boys got comfortable. "Better?"

"Yes, thanks Auntie P."

It didn't take long for her to just lay there and realise that both the boys had fallen fast asleep and Penelope just stared at the ceiling, her longing to be a mom growing, her love of the people she had around her growing with it.

It was all a bittersweet moment.

She imagined for the umpteenth time what her little girl would look like, how loved she'd be, how perfect she'd be to hold and kiss and love and look after. Penelope looked at Henry, at her Godson, and she could see that he was growing to look like his dad and her thoughts went back to her daughter. She wondered if she'd have looked like her or like Kevin and she bit her lip. She didn't want Kevin's child. The child she was pregnant with was not a child made out of lust and love and absolute passion. It was made out of need and greed and aggression.

Penelope closed her eyes against the bitter tears that burnt her lashes. She wondered how life would've been if she'd never lost the baby, and all she could think of was that she'd have had to have spent every day protecting her child from its father and that wasn't a life a baby should be brought into.

A baby needed to be cherished, and worshipped, and loved for every single action it did, and ultimately it should be protected by its parents for the right reasons. It shouldn't need to be protected for the wrong reason.

For that reason Penelope was pleased she'd lost her baby. It deserved a proper father.

Then one last thought hit her as she finally closed her eyes properly.

After all the care and protection and love he'd given her, her baby deserved a father like Derek.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

When Penelope opened her eyes again the boys were still with her and she lay there again, just basking in their presence.

She'd woken up because the dream she had was perfect. It was a memory she'd kept hidden deep within. She'd refused to acknowledge it again until now.

It was Derek's speech only the day before that spurred her to remember it. It was Derek's fight for the real her that made her realise that all her memories that she'd ignored were all allowed to be remembered and she was glad. They boosted her up even more.

Her dream was when she was Alaska, after she'd tried to save a man, that had later died. It was Derek's speech then that strengthened her, made herself see herself as a stronger being, see herself as a survivor.

After all she'd made him proud.

She'd remembered how her heart had stung with pain, as the night she was shot swam through her, as she watched a man fight for his life. "What's the difference between being strong and being jaded? I'm scared, Derek. I don't wanna lose who I am just so I can do this job." She was scared that day by the lake, scared to lose her ultimate being, scared to be lost in a place in her life she loved.

She wanted to know that whatever happened, she'd never lose that spot.

Derek had stood in the same stoic manner as he spoke. "We are in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. I know you see that, don't you?' Penelope could visualise that place, the mountains, the calm of the water, the nonexistent breeze. She couldn't deny he was right. 'Then we have nothing to worry about.' She remembered looking at him, yearning for the rest of the answers. 'It's who you are baby girl. You see the beauty in everything and everyone no matter where you go. That part of you is never gonna change and I won't let it.'

"Pfft. I don't need you to protect me." She deflected his worry. She didn't need his protection entirely then. She could survive Kevin, she _was_ surviving Kevin.

"Tough. I think I'm gonna stay on the job a little while longer." Penelope could see he was deadly serious and a part of her had broken that day. He was willing to look after her. Penelope remembered his tone, his look, his promise.

Now laying here she could feel how certain and how well kept his words were.

"Yeah. For how much longer?" She doubted him, sure that once the one woman he loved was found, Penelope wouldn't be a forethought, she'd been pushed behind his new object to protect. Then who'd look out for her?

"Every day of my life." He'd leant in and Penelope so wanted to break and tell him that day, but she also wanted to go home. She wanted to believe that her home life would get better, and what doubt did she have? Derek Morgan was willing to sit and protect her for the rest of his life. Her noir hero would be around for her.

"I kinda love you, Derek Morgan." The tears brewed, it was the only thing she could do to hide the truth. It was partly the truth as well. No denying that.

It was the response she wasn't expecting that shocked her.

"I kinda love you, Penelope Garcia." Derek replied as he wrapped his arms around her.

Now, it hit nearly having been too late, did she realise just how much he had loved her. Even before she got shot, before she nearly died the first time, he'd loved her and only now did all the mini moments that brought them together proved it. They'd both be so ignorant to the bare facts that had sat between them all along.

She looked down when she felt Jack snuggle in closer, even with the pain; she couldn't bear to move him away from her. She needed this to help her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope opened her eyes to hear a creaking, she opened her eyes and saw Hotch, JJ and Derek coming in, having finally decided the boys needed to leave.

"Don't move them." Penelope said with a dry voice.

"You don't need them all up in your hair." JJ said with concern as she went to the side Henry was in.

"They're not in my hair, they're just having cuddles." Penelope said as she closed her eyes as the sleep still hung around her. "It's nice."

"It might be, but these two are just going, Baby Girl." He saw Penelope pout, her eyes still closed. "Not going to work."

"I'll bring Jack by later, how's that sound?" Hotch asked as he picked Jack up and the little boy stirred some as Hotch held him close and he fell back to sleep.

"Sounds good, boss man." Penelope said a little more awake.

"I'll bring him back, he's been going on and on about seeing you again." JJ told Pen, she leant in and kissed Penelope's cheek and as she stood took Henry gently. "C'mon Baby, we're going home."

"I don't wanna." He mumbled almost incoherently.

"I know, we'll be back later." She told him and looked at Penelope. "Well rested you hear?"

"Got it, Jayje." Penelope replied and then pushed herself up gently.

"Er, that means now..." JJ told her cautiously.

"Toilet calls for everyone, Sugar Plum." Penelope said and found Derek's capable hands helping her again. "Thanks, Handsome."

"Any day, Princess."

"We'll see each other out." Hotch told them, shooting JJ a look and then going for the door; he then smiled gratefully at Derek for everything he'd done for Penelope. "See you later."

Penelope let her entire weight fall against Derek's frame as he helped her. She was a little uneasy this morning, exhausted, but happy at the time she'd had.

"You okay?" Derek asked when they finally managed it to the bathroom.

"Yeah, my heads a little all over the place." Penelope said as she went about her business and the laughed.

"What's up?"

"It's like we've been married for years... I'd never let..." She paused and her smile dropped. "Kevin be in the bathroom with me while I went to the toilet." She replied in a lower voice.

"You're allowed to talk about him without being ashamed, Pen, you two had a life before it all went sour, and well there's a lot of stuff we do differently together than what Kevin and you did."

"One of them is the way you love me." Penelope told him and giggled again. "I'm not having this chat while I'm on here."

"I can't leave you, remember, I'm stuck to your hip like glue, Baby." He quipped at her playfully.

"Until the doc tells you it's safe to allow me independency." She teased him back.

"Oh even then it'll be for a lot longer after." He told her back and helped her back to the bed. He got her lying down before he got with her, automatically pulling her still fragile frame into his strong arms. "Yeah, I love you a hell of a lot differently." He mused as he pushed a kiss into her still growing hair.

"You always have." Penelope said as she curled into his side more freely than she ever had. "That day in Alaska, when you told me you'd look after me for life..."

She paused. "Yeah..." He prompted.

"I thought I'd be okay if I had you there to protect me like you promised, but it felt like ever since he found out we were sharing a room there things spiralled. Everything picked up momentum." Penelope sighed as her hand went to his chest and splayed out flat. "One moment I was working, then married, then not working, then pregnant, then not, then dying." Penelope said quietly. "I was so scared when you came into the house that night."

"Scared?" Derek asked slightly taken back. "Scared, how?"

"I was scared to have my family back." She admitted somewhat tearfully, but she didn't let them fall, not even one.

"You scared now?"

"Not anymore, Handsome, never again." She told him calmly as she put her head fully down and slept against Derek's perfectly protecting body.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** Getting these more often =P

_Hope you liked!_

**One last thing:**

Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.


	22. Making The Day Better

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: **_Whoa! It's been a while _*hides face in shame* _I'm sorry guys! Life's been a little hectic and this story just went way back on the muse loving list!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek was fidgety, more so than he even was when he came to a hospital. It was Penelope's last check up, the day she got the complete all clear, the hour that she'd be able to tell him she was completely healed from what Kevin had done to her.

It was near enough 6 months since that near enough fatal day and he'd only seen her come on leaps and bounds.

Her bruises were gone, her cuts were gone, her smile magnified daily, and her undying love for them all, him especially, came pouring out. He'd watched her natural hair colour come through blonde and the moment her incision mark from the surgery was healed on her scalp she died her hair to a fiery red, her confidence sky rocketed as an effect.

Derek had made sure she ate and soon she got her curves back and she didn't lack anywhere, she was back in love with being Penelope Garcia all over again. Just being back to her made her get her belief back in the world. It was the moment her hair became blonde that she became the person she used to be.

It was as though Kevin was gone from her in that small poignant colour.

He watched the doors, all he knew was that Penelope was having one final check, a last run of tests to see how everything was going, to see if her brain had recovered its trauma, if no lasting effects were effecting her this far down the line.

He had complete faith in Penelope, if anyone he'd know if something was wrong and he didn't sense a thing. It was the place he was seated that knocked his sense of faith. Hospitals did that to him, however much good they did. However much help he'd witness them do. There was always the lasting linger of death that scared him the most.

Penelope walked out through the doors and saw Derek sitting in his own little world. His mind elsewhere and so she just walked towards him.

"Do I need to take myself home?" She asked him politely and he snapped his head up to look at her in shock and surprise. "Ready to go home?"

"Is everything okay?" He asked her worriedly as he stood up.

"I'm a completely healed being." She told him with a smile. "There's no problems at all, no lasting effects. It's just scars now." She replied undefeated as they walked towards the exit to leave. "I love you, Derek." Penelope said as she grabbed his hand in hers and proceeded to leave.

"I love you too Penelope." He said as he got her by his car and pulled her into his arms and kissed her, pushing her against the side of his SUV. "You're the best thing in my life. _My true survivor_." He mused with a sexual smirk.

"I have every reason to live." He told her and then tapped his nose. "Take me home. I want a bit of chocolate love."

Making home they kissed, they cuddled but that was it, they didn't do much more, they didn't talk about the hospital, they just lived in one another's existence. Derek could tell she was tired, he only had to hear her voice to hear it, but she refused to move.

"You hungry?" He asked her and she nodded. "Want dinner?"

"Go for it." She said and stood up. "I'm just going to get some air." Penelope told him and left before he'd even gotten up.

"Pen!" He called out. "What's up?"

"Nothing, Handsome, just a little stuffy in here." She yelled back as he watched her disappear out onto the decking.

Derek ran his hand over the back of his neck worriedly, he knew not to push her to tell him and he knew her mood was sinking and had been since they'd left.

If there was something Derek knew it was that Penelope was a great pretender. When she needed to she'd make sure everyone else was okay before she sorted herself out and right now she'd done that, kept him happy and was now taking a time out.

Derek had a clear view of Penelope from the kitchen as he cooked, she just sat and stared, her face so full of thought it was almost unmistakable.

His worry for her didn't disappear but he could make her food and be ready for when she was ready to talk to him.

"How long until food?" Penelope asked from the door way, her face serene, her hair windswept, her cheeks reddened from the February air, her lip slanted in a small smile.

"Not long." Derek said, his tone coming out a little too off than he'd meant it to be. He looked up and saw her complete expression. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, I was just thinking." She said as she stepped into the room more, stirring one of the pots on the stove.

"Dangerous." Derek teased as he checked on the food in the oven.

Penelope laughed a little, "I want to marry you Derek Morgan." She said, her glance still on the vegetables, not on Derek all.

Derek looked at Penelope, "I know, but not yet, I know you're not ready."

Penelope stepped back and turned to him, she then dropped onto one knee, a smile on her face. "Derek Morgan, my best friend, my confidante, my hero I feel all I've done the last couple of months is live a fairytale, one that hasn't quite reached its happily ever after." She paused, Derek looking at her stunned, her smile never dropping. "Until now." She finished.

"Penelope..." He warned warily, not sure what was happening.

"Will you marry me Derek Morgan? Promise to look after me and love me and chase away my fears and help me love you for the rest of our lives?"

"Are you for real?" He asked her out right and Penelope laughed, she knew if anything, disbelief would be what would greet her.

"Oh you know it, Hot Stuff; I'm very, very real."

"This is not how I imagined you becoming my fiancée." He told her and pulled her up, cupping her face in his hands, a smile on his lips. "Isn't it supposed to be the man asking the woman for her hand?"

"Well..." She started to say, "as legend has it," Penelope watched Derek blink at her intrigued, "on a leap year, like this one, a woman can propose to man."

"What legend is this exactly eh?"

"Irish tradition to be exact." She told him and grabbed his hands. She felt like she needed to explain to him and she was, even if it took until she was blue in the face. "I realised months ago, that if there was anywhere I wanted my life to go, it was anywhere it so liked and I wouldn't care if I had you with me every step of the way.

"I'm not going to be happier with anyone else, I proved that to myself when I was in hospital, if there was one person I wanted looking after me, then it was you and only you. No one else. You knew when I was going to cry, when I needed to be held, when I needed to be left, you knew when I was in pain and you knew how to care for me. Derek, all you've ever done is give him unconditional love and I came so scarily close to losing it and I don't want to anymore. I want you as my husband, I want you to myself now, I want you to be a taken man."

"Oh," He said and stepped in. "Well then how can one decline such a heartfelt plea?"

"You can't." Penelope purred at him. "So what do you say... wanna become the future Mr Penelope Garcia?"

He chuckled, "If you become the future Mrs Derek Morgan."

"I like that title."

"Good," He said as he looped his arms around her, pulled her close and then dipped down to kiss her. "I would love to marry you, Baby Girl."

Penelope's lips pulled tighter with a smile and the tears welled.

"But just realise, I was getting around to it."

"You just needed a kick." Penelope teased, and then pulled away, turned the stove off completely, then the oven and turned back. "I want you, Handsome." She said and he stood perplexed. "I want to feel a man make love to me because he loves me and wants me and wants to worship me."

"Baby..." He began, he wasn't sure she could, he wanted doctor given confirmation that he wouldn't hurt Penelope, even if she was this far into ending her recovery.

"I got the entire all clear, I can go about life normally and I want my man completely."

Derek's look turned, he became sensual, he became commanding and his look became full of want. "You really do know how to make a man's day get better." He told her as he pulled her to their bedroom.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _I know it's taken a while! There's only one more chapter after this guys and we'll just see how much the muse plays shall we?_

**One last thing:**

Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.


	23. The Happiest We Can Be

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Nothing-at-all! Well just the idea =)**

**A.N: **_Considering there was only one more chapter it should've been a breeze! (Or not!)_

_Life's been really hectic, especially yesterday, hence the no update at all... I had work and went out after so no time at all and when I finally made it near my laptop it was to move it off of my bed to sleep! _

_But last chapter... enjoy =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope paced, back and forth, and back and forth.

It was her wedding day to Derek and she was soon going to be taking his name and becoming Penelope Morgan, and she was nervous. Well nervous was a major understatement. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't physically settle to put her dress on or allow someone to fix her hair.

She just resulted in asking everyone to vacate the room, just so she could have a few moments breathing space on her own.

She went to the window, opened it for air, and she sunk onto the windowsill. Last time she'd gotten ready for such a day she'd ended up in the most abusive thing she'd even found herself in. She knew that Derek would never lay a hand on her, heck for the last 10 months he'd done nothing but look after her, care for her, help her find her feet again. She'd even gone back to work, same job as the team's tech, as before with Derek and additionally the team's help.

What she was scared of were repercussions.

The one thing that worried her most was that Kevin's abuse would always b a wedge, one that was sat laying in wait to destroy the happiness she had lost all those months previous.

This was all very real for her. It was different for her. It was near perfect apart from the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

She took a deep breath; she couldn't let her nerves squash this day. After all she'd gotten out, gotten safe, gotten protection and gotten the man her heart had been promised to.

Yet the feeling was so recognisable.

She went to the door, after taking a few more calming breaths and started the proceedings.

The feeling she knew in her stomach was all of love.

Everything to do with Derek Morgan erupted in her and so it should. She was marrying the man of her dreams and she had just under two hours to make herself look immaculate for him.

She was going to rock his world the moment her white satin shoes hit that dark scarlet carpet that led to the altar.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope looked as yet another curl failed to bounce, it didn't dampen her mood, nothing could.  
If it wasn't her smile that was sparkling then it sure as hell was the sun bouncing off of the flutes of champagne.

Today was perfect, now she was pretty much sure that even if she went down the aisle in an accessorised bin bag Derek would take her hand and marry her without even doubting her insane motive.

After all he loved her.

"Excuse me." Penelope said as Emily went to try the curl again, she stood and rushed to the bathroom, where she threw up what little she had in her stomach.

At first she was positive it was the nerves, but then her mind rallied, elation beckoned in her, she looked in the mirror as she cried. She knew these rushes, these changes, these effects happening. Feeling giddy she did a little dance on the spot, but then reality knocked in.

She remembered when she'd been the doctors at last after losing her daughter; the doctor had apologetically told her that the trauma sustained was immense and damaging. However, something in Penelope was bubbling, she wouldn't be this forceful with the prediction for it to be a phantom pregnancy.

She rushed out of the room, she was pretty sure her hair would go right now.

She looked at JJ and smiled, "Jayje, Honey, can I ask a favour?"

"Of course you can." JJ told her as she went towards her warily. "Are you okay? You look a little flushed."

"Go and buy me a pregnancy test." She blurted out; she didn't need any other explanation.

Everyone stopped then and looked at her, from Emily who near enough burnt herself with the heated tongs to Derek's sister, Desiree, sitting and nearly dropping the magazine she was reading.

Penelope felt her cheeks flush with heat as Fran stepped in, an unsure smile on her face.

"Penelope, baby, are you sure?" She asked motherly.

"Fran, all of this, me not having the energy, my hair not going right, my nerves, everything, it cannot be just anything else but this, I'm sure."

"But..."

"I know what the doctor said to me, I know what I was told when I was in hospital the last time, it might be impossible, but Derek told me once that it's a might, it's not an 'it will be impossible', there's the chance. However small, there's still the chance."

"I'm going to go with JJ to get you a test." Derek's other sister, Sarah said as she grabbed JJ's hand and went for the door.

JJ dung her heels in, "You, in that chair now, get ready!"

"On it!" Penelope said and was pulled into the insanity and chaos of pre-wedding rituals.

"Let's try this again, PG." Emily said as she lifted a limp curl and twisted it into the tong, releasing it, it settled in perfection on Penelope's shoulder.

"Excellent my pretty!" Penelope said enthusiastically and she wanted for her curls to be tighter so she could do her thing with them and then set about doing her makeup.

By the time Sarah and JJ got back she was ready apart from her wedding dress. It still sat on a hanger by the massive mirror.

She got up expectantly and looked at Fran, the doubt gathering in her now. "Whatever happens, he loves you."

"I know." Penelope said nervously, her vision blurring some. "I want him to have this so much, mom, he deserves it. I've seen he wants it." She whispered to Fran. "It'll be a constant reminder. It feels like something that Kevin took from me."

Fran grabbed Penelope's hands, and shook them reassuringly. "Whatever happens Penelope, he loves you." She reiterated. "His told me he will look at adopting, or finding any way possible to get you a child. You never know, this could well be your chance."

"Well you wait with me?" Penelope asked her, her tone almost vulnerable, extremely shaky.

"You call me in when you're ready, then we're getting you out there and making you a true Morgan."

Penelope had to smile as she went towards the bathroom with the multiple tests.

It didn't take her long, with the amount of champagne and orange juice in her system to open the door again and start the waiting, she began to pace until Fran pulled her down to halt.

Then the timer on JJ's phone went off. Time was up.

Penelope near enough felt her heart stopped the moment the results showed.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek couldn't help but thank the lord above as Penelope stepped out with Hotch by her side.

He watched Penelope shoot him a smile and his vision blurred as his eyes watered, he'd never seen a more beautiful sight in his entire life and he never thought he would see it again.

As Penelope stepped in closer, he realised she'd been crying, he couldn't tell if they were happy or sad tears, but the smile illuminating her face told him it couldn't be the latter. He looked at her appearance, her perfect figure in a dress that showed off everything it needed to and her hair and makeup, just how he loved it. The almost perfect black eyeliner with the perfectly painted scarlet red lips.

In that moment, he realised he was marrying perfection.

He lost all track of time and the ceremony as he was finally able to take Penelope's hands in his, the entire church of people disappeared, all it was, was him and Penelope and the one thing that would claim her as his forever.

He spoke his vows, and she spoke hers, no one objected and then came the moment. He watched her say I do and he didn't think he could feel anymore loved than he had done. It didn't think it'd be doable to make him feel richer than he had, but Penelope did it, all the time.

"Welcome to the world as my wife, Mrs Morgan." He said as he pulled her in for their first kiss as husband and wife.

Penelope's first kiss as Mrs Penelope Morgan was one she would never forget. It never felt like this with Kevin, but then that might have something to do with the idea of love, its involvement had always been about Derek and today proved it.

As they pulled apart, to mass clapping, Derek saw the tears, and he frowned.

"Happy tears." Penelope said as he set her the right way up after leaning her down to make the kiss more deepened and dramatic. "I love you so much." She said and kissed him again.

"I love you too." He told her, keeping a hold of her. "You've made me so happy, Baby Girl." They then went for leading the procession out of the church.

"Can I make you happier?"

"I'm the happiest man alive right now." He told her, his smile beaming told her he wasn't laying, not even a single bit.

"I'm pregnant." She told him with a smirk and he halted.

"Oh hell yes!" He shouted without a second thought and kissed her again, this time much more sensually, and much more greedily.

Derek stopped the entirely church load leaving with that kiss.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Made A Mistake! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _THE END!_

_Whatcha think? Liking that big 'phat' HEA?_


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